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Thanksgiving, the Coronavirus, and the Marshmallow Test - With promising vaccines in development, the end is in sight: our job is to get everyone around us safely there.
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Faces of a Fast-Food Nation - During the pandemic, low-wage workers must manage risk and rudeness.
Trump’s Final Cruelty: Executing Prisoners - Despite losing the election, the Administration plans to put Brandon Bernard and four other federal prisoners to death.
Trump and a Lesson in How Coups Fail - In countries without free elections, fraud and coercion regularly make a difference. But that’s not the country we have, and it’s not the election we had.
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Champions League | Barcelona beats Dynamo Kyiv; cruises to knockout stage - Barcelona entered the knockout stage for the 17th consecutive season.
ISL | Chennaiyin picks up full points in a thriller against Jamshedpur - Anirudh Thapa and Esmael Goncalves get Csaba Laszlo’s reign off to a winning start; Nerijus Valskis pulls one back for Owen Coyle’s team.
PDP youth wing leader Parra arrested by NIA in connection with terror case - According to officials, during investigation into Singh’s association with Hizbul Mujahideen terrorists, the NIA came across the phone records of Mir which showed that he was in close touch with Parra.
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Farmers’ organisation meets CM seeking higher price for tobacco - Cultivation cost increasing by the year, they tell Yediyurappa
Germany Merkel: Car rams into chancellery gate ahead of Covid decision - The car had messages, including one criticising “globalisation politics”, written on its sides.
Coronavirus: How Europeans are preparing for Christmas and New Year - Measures designed to contain the coronavirus pandemic will change how millions of people celebrate.
Europe migrant crisis: Rescuers find owners of wedding rings lost at sea - The team had feared the owners of the rings, inscribed with the names Ahmed and Doudou, were dead.
Coronavirus: French lockdown highlights small business struggles - The online giant has postponed Black Friday in France after pressure from the government.
Coronavirus: French lockdown to ease after second peak passes - Non-essential shops will reopen this weekend but bars and restaurants will stay closed into January.
VanMoof X3 ebike review: At $2,000, it’s automatic for (some of) the people - Easily the sleekest ebike we’ve ever tested, but look closer before committing. - link
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Apple security chief maintains innocence after bribery charges - Sheriff’s office allegedly sought 200 iPads in trade for concealed carry permits. - link
Me: My name is Matt, and I’m an alcoholic. -
AAA: This is AAA, not AA.
Me: Yeah, I was just explaining how my car got in the lake.
submitted by /u/Moerox111
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A maid decided it was time to demand a raise, so she went directly to the Lady of the house’s private study -
Maid: “I’d like a raise.”
Mrs. Smith:"Why do you think you deserve a raise?
Maid:“Three reasons. First, I can cook better than you.”
Mrs. Smith:“Who told you that?”
Maid:“Your husband. Second, I clean better than you.”
Mrs. Smith:“Who told you that?”
Maid:“Your husband.Third, I’m better in bed than you are.”
Mrs. Smith:“I suppose my husband said that too?”
Maid:“No, the gardener.”
Mrs. Smith:“How much do you want?”
submitted by /u/HavingLastLaugh
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Teacher to Student T: “Use the word ‘centimeter’ in a sentence” -
S: ‟My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter”
T: ‟No, no, that‘s ‘Sent to meet her‘. Okay, try another one. Use ‘contagious‘ in a sentence please”
S: ‟I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!”
submitted by /u/surprisedBrownie
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The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. -
A lady stood and walked to the podium.
She said, “I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband Tom had a terrible bicycle wreck, and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know if they could help him.”
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that Tom must have experienced.
“Tom was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom’s scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.”
Again the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.
“Now,” she announced in a quavering voice, “thank the Lord Tom is out of the hospital, and the doctors say that with time his scrotum should recover completely.”
All the men sighed with relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.
He said “I’m Tom.” The entire congregation held its breath..
“I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum.”
submitted by /u/hayeshilton
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I met this girl the other day and she -
tok me back to her house where things got hot and heavy very quickly.
I bent her over the kitchen table and started going at it when suddenly we heard the front door open.
‟Oh shit , it’s my boyfriend ! ” she exclaimed ‟Quick, use the backdoor” .
Now it’s at about this time I probably should’ve left….. ……but you just do not get an offer like that every day.
submitted by /u/HourlyAttend
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