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Dr. Vivek Murthy considers social media misinformation to be a deadly public health threat.
United States Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy says that misinformation — much of it on tech platforms — is a public health threat that has cost people’s lives and prolonged the Covid pandemic.
As Murthy said in a Thursday press conference, health advisories are usually about things people physically consume: food, drinks, cigarettes. But the first advisory of his tenure in the Biden administration (he was also the surgeon general under President Obama) is about what we consume with our eyes and ears: misinformation.
The advisory comes with a set of guidelines on how to “build a healthy information environment,” with recommendations for everyone from social media users up to the platforms themselves (also: health workers, researchers, and the media). Murthy also went on some of those very platforms to spread the message, including Twitter and Facebook.
“Today, we live in a world where misinformation poses an imminent and insidious threat to our nation’s health,” Murthy said in a press conference, adding that “modern technology companies” have allowed misinformation and disinformation to spread across their platforms “with little accountability.”
The advisory isn’t a set of orders that must be followed by these companies, but the increased scrutiny and attention does put pressure on them to more aggressively combat the falsehoods spreading on their platforms.
This health advisory comes as Covid vaccination rates in the United States are dropping, while cases are picking back up, and the fast-spreading delta variant takes hold. The vast majority of Covid-related hospitalizations and deaths have been for people who aren’t vaccinated, despite the widespread availability of vaccines in the US. And with some people choosing not to get vaccinated because they believe misinformation about the vaccines, the Biden administration has reportedly decided it’s time to fight back.
Coronavirus misinformation isn’t just contained to social media. But social media gives it a stage and reach that offline platforms don’t have, and this has been a concern for years. Mis- or disinformation has potentially influenced the outcome of the 2016 presidential election, increased political polarization, contributed to the rise of the QAnon conspiracy theory, played a role in the ethnic cleansing of the Rohingya Muslims in Myanmar, and, now, helped to prolong the pandemic.
As researcher Carl T. Bergstrom, co-author of “Stewardship of global collective behavior,” a paper that calls for more research into social media’s impact on society, told Recode’s Shirin Ghaffary, “social media in particular — as well as a broader range of internet technologies, including algorithmically driven search and click-based advertising — have changed the way that people get information and form opinions about the world. And they seem to have done so in a manner that makes people particularly vulnerable to the spread of misinformation and disinformation.”
For their part, social media platforms have made attempts to stop the spread of false information, including removing posts and videos and banning accounts that spread it, as well as appending fact-checks or links to trusted information on posts and videos that might be misleading. As it became more likely that there would soon be a Covid vaccine at the end of 2020, various platforms were proactive in preparing for the vaccine misinformation that would (and did) inevitably follow. This came after years of these companies doing very little to stop the spread of misinformation about other vaccines, and despite many warnings from experts about the potential harm to public health done by hosting anti- vaccine content and communities.
“We agree with the Surgeon General – tackling health misinformation takes a whole-of-society approach,” a Twitter spokesperson told Recode in a statement. “We’ll continue to take enforcement action on content that violates our COVID-19 misleading information policy and improve and expand our efforts to elevate credible, reliable health information — now, amid the COVID-19 pandemic — and as we collectively navigate the public health challenges to come.”
YouTube spokesperson Elena Hernandez told Recode that the platform “removes content in accordance with our COVID-19 misinformation policies, which we keep current based on guidance from local health authorities. We also demote borderline videos and prominently surface authoritative content for COVID-19-related search results, recommendations, and context panels.”
But many believe their efforts are too little, too late, and still don’t go far enough — including, it seems, the surgeon general.
“We expect more from our technology companies,” Murthy said.
Let’s see if we get it — and if, at this point, it will help.
Some vaccinated people have gotten Covid-19. That’s expected. Let’s explain.
The recent headlines have been alarming: “2% of COVID Deaths in Illinois This Year Have Been Fully Vaccinated Residents.” “El Paso records over 200 COVID-19 vaccine breakthrough cases.” “79 fully vaccinated Massachusetts residents have died.”
At a time when Covid-19 cases are rising again in the US and the more dangerous delta variant of the virus behind the disease is gaining ground, seeing that vaccines are not a perfect shield can be disheartening. With vaccination rates slowing, reports of people becoming infected after their immunizations could feed vaccine hesitancy, which in turn can fuel more breakthrough cases.
But despite these emerging reports of breakthrough infections, the fact remains that vaccines are the most effective tool for containing Covid-19, and they have proven to be excellent at preventing people from getting severely ill or dying of the disease. Even as new, more slippery variants of the coronavirus have emerged, most of the vaccines have held their ground.
As such, being unvaccinated is the most dangerous position to be in during the pandemic. “Preliminary data from a collection of states over the last six months suggests 99.5 percent of deaths from Covid-19 in these states have occurred in unvaccinated people,” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Director Rochelle Walensky said during a July briefing.
At the same time, it’s clear that vaccines are not impregnable. As more people have become immunized against Covid-19, the number of breakthrough infections — cases of people getting infected after getting their shots — has gone up. That’s not a surprise.
“Vaccine breakthrough cases are expected,” according to the CDC.
That’s because no vaccine is 100 percent effective at blocking an infection in all circumstances. And while Covid-19 cases declined rapidly from their peak as vaccinations increased, the SARS-CoV-2 virus that causes the disease is still wreaking havoc. There are still people vulnerable to infection among those who are vaccinated, which is a recipe for occasional breakthrough infections.
The tiny fraction of breakthrough cases that have arisen show how amazingly effective Covid-19 vaccines have been at defanging and declawing a devastating disease. But they also show that when vaccination rates are low, Covid-19 is a greater threat now than it has ever been. That poses a challenge for vaccinated people who want to resume their normal lives but also take steps to curb the spread of the disease.
It’s important to first clarify what a breakthrough infection actually means.
The CDC definition of a breakthrough infection is a laboratory-confirmed infection more than 14 days after the final dose of a Covid-19 vaccine, as it can take a while for the full protection of a vaccine to spool up. This definition includes everything from infections that produce no symptoms at all to cases that result in death. “People often think about ‘infection’ and ‘disease’ as being the same thing, and that is not the case,” said Brianne Barker, a virologist at Drew University.
It’s only when a virus starts causing symptoms that an infected person is said to have disease, so not all SARS-CoV-2 infections cause Covid-19. But as we’ve seen throughout the pandemic, people can carry and transmit the virus without falling ill themselves, creating a major route for the spread of Covid-19. That’s why tracking breakthrough cases is so important.
“Breakthrough infections are not unique to COVID-19, but we are indeed noticing and talking more about breakthrough infections because we are testing people frequently [for Covid-19 rather than other diseases], even those fully vaccinated, and therefore finding and tracking these cases more closely,” said Paulo Verardi, a virologist at the University of Connecticut, in an email.
The Covid-19 vaccines that have been distributed in the US — Johnson & Johnson, Moderna, and Pfizer/BioNTech — were all evaluated based on how well they prevented disease, not infection. Even with a vaccine like Moderna’s, which demonstrated close to 95 percent efficacy against disease in clinical trials, a fraction of recipients still fell ill after getting their shots.
The bulk of evidence does show that Covid-19 vaccines slow transmission alongside reducing deaths and hospitalizations, but they don’t halt the spread completely.
Taken together, these factors mean that even in the most ideal scenario with everyone vaccinated against Covid-19, there will still be a segment of people who can contract, spread, and succumb to the virus. But the more people who get vaccinated, the harder it is for the virus to find a vulnerable host. Even people with incomplete protection are effectively shielded. This is the idea behind herd immunity. So a key tactic to reduce infections among those who are vaccinated is more vaccination.
There are indeed people who face a greater risk of getting a breakthrough infection.
For example, people who have received organ transplants may be on immunosuppressant drugs that can interfere with how well a vaccine can protect against a disease. Others may have genetic factors that make it harder for them to mount an immune response to the virus even post- vaccination. In some cases, a breakthrough infection is just bad luck.
And many of the same risk factors for severe illness from Covid-19 still apply when people are vaccinated. A study of 152 breakthrough infections causing hospitalizations in Israel found that just 6 percent had no underlying health conditions. The rest had conditions ranging from high blood pressure to diabetes to cancer.
A preprint study that has not yet been peer-reviewed looked at 2,394 breakthrough infections in the United Kingdom and found that older adults, particularly those living in impoverished areas, were at greater risk of getting infected after their injections. Scientists have long established that the immune system declines with age. The authors did observe that infections among those who are vaccinated were far milder than in unvaccinated people.
There are around 52 million Americans over the age of 65. Sixty percent of all Americans have at least one chronic condition, and 40 percent have more than one. That means a large swath of the population may have diminished protection from a vaccine. But vaccines still drastically reduce the risk of disease and hospitalization from Covid-19, even among people in high-risk groups.
As of July 6, the CDC reported 5,186 cases of breakthrough Covid-19 cases that led to deaths or hospitalizations among 157 million fully vaccinated people in the US. That’s about a 0.003 percent breakthrough rate for severe disease, although the CDC acknowledged that this is likely an undercount, since the numbers are drawn from voluntary reports and patchy surveillance. Of the 5,186 severe illnesses, 4,909 were hospitalizations and 988 led to death. So breakthrough infections are rare, even among people who are more vulnerable.
Compare that with the state of the pandemic in December before vaccines were widespread: 6.3 million new infections, 123,000 hospitalizations, and more than 65,000 deaths from Covid-19 were recorded that month. Even with less than half the US population currently vaccinated, Covid-19 vaccines have helped cause a huge drop in cases.
Vaccines work by giving the immune system a target to practice against so that when a pathogen does strike, the immune system can hold it off without causing an illness.
With most Covid-19 vaccines, the target is the spike protein of the SARS-CoV-2 virus. This is the part of the virus that actually attaches to human cells to begin the infection process, so coaching the immune system to identify it and block it off can prevent the virus from doing damage.
The trouble is that everyone’s immune system doesn’t respond the same way to a vaccine, and the virus itself is mutating. So a breakthrough infection may occur “because the immune response is too low or is not high in the right anatomic location, or it could mean that the virus has changed so the target that the immune system recognizes is no longer the same,” said Barker, the Drew University virologist.
Right now, it’s hard to gauge whether someone who received a Covid-19 vaccine is adequately protected. The specific combination of the immune system’s T cells, B cells, and antibodies that shield against the virus is known as the correlate of protection or correlate of immunity. Researchers are still trying to figure out exactly what those benchmarks are, which could allow them to figure out who remains vulnerable after getting their injections. Early evidence shows that antibody levels can predict how well an individual is protected, but antibodies are not the whole story when it comes to immunity.
It’s also not clear whether breakthrough infections can cause long-term symptoms at the same rates as Covid-19 in unvaccinated people. The phenomenon of long Covid or Covid long-haulers remains an enduring mystery of the pandemic.
Many of the SARS-CoV-2 variants like delta have mutations in the spike protein, rendering some vaccines less effective at preventing infections. These mutations help delta evade the immune system, infect cells more easily, and spread more readily among people. The more variants like this spread, the more breakthrough infections are expected.
Coupled with persistent holdouts against vaccinations and people who have yet to receive them, variants are a major public health concern.
“At an individual level, the vaccines are highly effective, and people who have been vaccinated should not be worried for themselves necessarily getting Covid,” said Karen Jacobson, an infectious disease researcher at the Stanford University School of Medicine. “The concern that a lot of people have started to express recently, especially with the new variants, is more on a population level, and the fact that we have large pockets of the population [who] are not vaccinated.”
With variants circulating readily among unvaccinated people, the chances of an elusive strain infecting someone who has been immunized rises. And as the virus spreads, it accumulates more mutations, increasing the chances of an even more dangerous variant emerging.
The circumstances that lead to breakthrough infections are largely the same as they are for infections in people without protection. Some of the highest-risk settings for exposure are crowded indoor gatherings in poorly ventilated spaces, like for workers in health care settings. But large gatherings in general can still be a venue for causing breakthrough infections, as dozens of vaccinated tourists visiting Provincetown, Massachusetts, discovered earlier in July when they tested positive for the virus.
However, the risk is not spread evenly across the country. In the United States, nearly half of all residents and close to 60 percent of adults have been vaccinated as of July 14. Yet there are places where less than one-third of people have been vaccinated. The chances of breakthrough infections tend to be highest in areas where Covid-19 cases remain high and vaccination rates remain low.
Recently, the US has experienced an uptick in hospitalizations and deaths from Covid-19 after months of decline. The rise is due mainly to case increases in parts of states like Texas, Missouri, and Nevada that have low vaccination rates and are seeing more instances of the delta variant. But many of these regions are relaxing all their restrictions around Covid-19 and allowing life to resume as normal, despite the ongoing transmission of the virus.
These fissures in the pandemic are poised to grow. Getting people to act to limit the spread of the virus is only getting harder as fatigue takes hold. The result is that even more people who are vaccinated may end up infected, prolonging the spread of SARS-CoV-2 and slowing the drawdown of the Covid-19 crisis.
One of the challenges with understanding how to deal with breakthrough infections is that the term encompasses several different outcomes, and they aren’t tracked easily.
The disease cases are the most worrying from a public health perspective and the easiest to monitor, but asymptomatic infections and transmission are also concerning because they mean the virus is still replicating, mutating, and spreading even among vaccinated people. While individuals gain robust protection from vaccines, if the overall vaccination rate is low in a population, even immunized people can become part of the chain of transmission.
In the US, testing for Covid-19 has declined, especially among people who have been vaccinated, so it’s hard to figure out just how much immunized people are spreading the disease unwittingly. The CDC said in May that it would stop trying to track asymptomatic breakthrough infections and would investigate only hospitalizations and deaths.
Breakthrough infections that do cause symptoms tend to be mild, so many vaccinated people who experience a cough, runny nose, or fever are not bothering to get tested for Covid-19. That makes it even harder to keep tabs on the spread of the virus.
“Certainly we could be missing cases, and I think continuing to have surveillance even in vaccinated populations is really important, especially if we’re talking about variants,” said Jacobson.
At the same time, the US is still struggling to sequence enough genomes of the viruses that are found. Genome sequencing is critical for both identifying which variants of SARS-CoV-2 are circulating and finding new mutations as they emerge. Without adequate sequencing, new, more dangerous variants can spread undetected.
It’s hard to come up with a strategy to deal with a problem that’s so alarming yet so rare. But in general, the same tactics deployed throughout the Covid-19 pandemic still work at preventing breakthrough infections.
The best strategy for preventing breakthrough infections is increasing vaccination rates further, getting to the point where enough people are immunized to prevent SARS-CoV-2 from jumping person to person easily. The added benefit of vaccinations is that they also reduce opportunities for mutation.
After that, precautions against Covid-19 like social distancing and wearing face masks may still be needed in some circumstances, like in places where cases are rising. “At this point with the Delta variant on the rise we cannot let our guard down and must still be vigilant when in public spaces, particularly crowded indoor spaces,” said Verardi, the University of Connecticut virologist. “As for me, I don’t plan on letting go of my mask when I’m in such spaces, at least for the time being.”
BREAKING: L.A. County just announced it will reimpose an indoor mask mandate, regardless of your vaccination status, beginning Saturday night at 11:59 pm. @FoxNews
— Bill Melugin (@BillFOXLA) July 15, 2021
And as the virus continues evolving, it may change in ways that render vaccines much less effective. Companies are already developing booster shots to better target SARS-CoV-2 variants and bolster immunity, but whether they will be needed is still unclear.
However, there’s a lot we don’t know about how the vaccines will hold up over time, and the Covid-19 pandemic may still have more surprises in store. Protection from the vaccines still seems strong months after the doses are administered, and the immune responses they generate are in line with those produced by some of the best-known vaccines, indicating that the immunity they confer will likely last a long time.
Tennessee Republicans demonstrate how vaccine skepticism has escalated to outright hostility.
With only about 38 percent of its population fully vaccinated, Tennessee is in desperate need of more people getting the Covid jab. Instead, Republicans in the state are waging war on the inoculations for the most spurious of reasons.
Under pressure from increasingly vaccine-hostile Republicans, the public health department in Tennessee fired its top vaccine official earlier this week, then prohibited state officials from engaging in vaccine outreach of all forms to minors. These developments come as average new daily Covid-19 cases in the state have more than doubled since last month.
The official, Dr. Michelle Fiscus, wasn’t told in her termination letter why she was being fired (per a review of that letter by the Tennessean). But she was previously criticized by Republicans over a letter she sent to medical providers about the state’s “Mature Minor Doctrine,” a policy that has been in place since 1987 that allows health care providers to vaccinate minors 14 and older without consent from their parents. She alleges she was fired for that advocacy, or, in other words, doing “[her] job.”
While there has been an exodus of public health officials during the pandemic across many states, the developments in Tennessee show how vaccine skepticism is evolving in outright vaccine hostility — and how that hostility is translating into policy in states where vaccination rates are lagging. (Tennessee ranks 44th out of the 50 states in the percentage of residents who are fully vaccinated.)
Fiscus, the medical director for vaccine-preventable diseases and immunization programs at the department, became a flashpoint for that ire because of the aforementioned letter informing medical providers about the Mature Minor Doctrine.
During a hearing last month, Republicans called Fiscus’s letter “reprehensible” and accused her of “peer pressuring” teens.
“It looks like the Department of Health is marketing to children and it looks like you’re advocating,” said state Sen. Kerry Roberts (R), according to the Tennesseean. “Market to parents, don’t market to children. Period.”
Then, on Monday, Fiscus was let go. In response, she wrote a letter published by the Tennessean in which she said she’s “afraid for my state.”
“It was my job to provide evidence-based education and vaccine access so that Tennesseans could protect themselves against COVID-19,” Fiscus wrote. ”I have now been terminated for doing exactly that.”
In a sign of how state officials are trying to adapt to Republican vaccine hostility, Tennessee Chief Medical Officer Dr. Tim Jones wrote an email to staff following Fiscus’s firing directing them to conduct ”no proactive outreach regarding routine vaccines” and “no outreach whatsoever regarding the HPV vaccine.”
Per the Tennessean:
If the health department must issue any information about vaccines, staff are instructed to strip the agency logo off the documents.
The health department will also stop all COVID-19 vaccine events on school property, despite holding at least one such event this month. The decisions to end vaccine outreach and school events come directly from Health Commissioner Dr. Lisa Piercey, the internal report states.
Meanwhile, children enrolling in public schools in Tennessee are still required to follow the immunization schedule published by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).
Policies like the Mature Minor Doctrine might be important for teens whose parents watch lots of Fox News, where vaccine skepticism has become a major topic in recent months.
Tucker Carlson’s top-rated show, for instance, highlights on a near-nightly basis stories of people having bad reactions to the Covid vaccine, and portrays efforts by the government, institutions, and private sector companies to encourage more people to get inoculated as creeping authoritarianism.
Tucker Carlson and Charlie Kirk compare vaccine requirements at universities to apartheid and The Handmaids Tale pic.twitter.com/922gPdVm7k
— nikki mccann ramírez (@NikkiMcR) July 8, 2021
Meanwhile, even though the vaccines have been shown to be safe and effective for kids as young as 12, former President Donald Trump used a Fox News interview last month to invoke the sort of anti-vax rhetoric he routinely trafficked in before his 2016 presidential campaign, saying ”the vaccine on very young people is something that you gotta really stop.”
“Frankly, we’re lucky we have the vaccine, but the vaccine on very young people is something that you gotta really stop” – Trump, pushing anti-vax talking points on Hannity pic.twitter.com/ODZFDOShnu
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) June 17, 2021
Perhaps most egregiously, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) recently compared the Biden administration’s initiative to go door-to-door to encourage people to get vaccinated to Nazi-era “brown shirts.” Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI), meanwhile, has used Fox News appearances and media events to highlight the stories of people who had bad reactions to a Covid vaccine, even though the vast majority of people experience mild to no problems at all, according to the CDC.
“Just because the vaccine is generally safe doesn’t mean that it’s 100 percent safe,” Johnson said last month. While that statement is true, the Food and Drug Administration notes that it “continues to find the known and potential benefits clearly outweigh the known and potential risks,” and Johnson has repeatedly used misleading figures to sensationalize the risks of getting vaccinated. The vaccine, moreover, is far safer than actually contracting Covid-19, which has now killed more than 600,000 Americans.
To be clear, there are some responsible Republican voices urging people to get vaccinated. But the Trumpiest part of the GOP seems to be shifting from vaccine skepticism to outright hostility. At last week’s CPAC event in Dallas, for instance, attendees cheered when author Alex Berenson, a frequent Fox News guest who has built a reputation for spreading misinformation about Covid vaccines, noted that the federal government is falling short of its vaccination goals.
Noting that the government is falling short of its Covid vaccine goals is an applause line at CPAC Dallas pic.twitter.com/og9Fw1MRAv
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) July 10, 2021
Hours later, National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases Director Dr. Anthony Fauci described that scene at CPAC as “horrifying” and “almost terrifying.”
It wasn’t that long ago that Republicans like Ron Johnson were singing a very different tune about the Covid vaccine. In December, for instance, Johnson said Trump “deserves a lot of credit” for his “brilliant operation” to “produce a vaccine while it was being tested and approved.”
The Washington Post put together a video highlighting how a number of Republicans praised the Covid vaccines when Trump was in office, only to become skeptics once it became a useful tool to derail the Biden administration’s vaccination goals.
New @thefix mashup:
— JM Rieger (@RiegerReport) July 14, 2021
Under Trump, Republicans touted the coronavirus vaccines.
Now, under Biden, they’re questioning them.https://t.co/XxgHWpibR2pic.twitter.com/QaQqFg2hAM
Ironically, the people most hurt by the sort of anti-vax rhetoric that has become commonplace among GOP politicians are their own constituents. As political scientist Seth Masket recently detailed for the Denver Post, there’s a “remarkably strong” correlation between states that Biden won in 2020 and states that have vaccination rates above 70 percent. Along the same lines, NPR reported last month that “Trump won 17 of the 18 states with the lowest adult vaccination rates,” and that “many of these states have high proportions of whites without college degrees.”
“To put it bluntly,” as my colleague German Lopez wrote, “polarization is killing people.”
This rhetoric and the effect it has had in plateauing vaccination rates in the US presents risks for everyone. Children under 12 are still unable to get vaccinated, preexisting conditions mean some groups of adults can’t be vaccinated or don’t get the full benefits of vaccines, and ongoing community spread in places like Tennessee presents more opportunities for the coronavirus to mutate into new and potentially more dangerous variants.
Instead of touting the successes of the Trump administration’s Operation Warp Speed and the role it played in helping Moderna and Johnson & Johnson rapidly develop Covid vaccines, a loud and influential segment of the GOP has opted to try to persuade Trump supporters not to get vaccinated. And the developments in Tennessee indicate that this war against public health science won’t stop with the Covid vaccine.
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No-Castling Chess: No decisive result in game two - It was in sharp contrast to the exciting action in the opening game, which the Chennai maestro won by playing some precise moves.
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PM Modi inaugurates redeveloped Gandhinagar station, other development projects in Gujarat - Mr Modi also inaugurated via video link the redeveloped Vadnagar railway station, the newly-built five-star hotel atop the redeveloped Gandhinagar railway station
Traders expect ‘favourable decision before Bakrid’ - They withdraw their plan to open shops from today after meeting CM
Jammu & Kashmir officials seek ban on illegal killing of cows, camels on Bakrid next week - An official said a large numbers of sacrificial animals are likely to be slaughtered in the UT during Bakrid festival.
Piyush Goyal meets senior opposition leaders ahead of monsoon session - The interactions with senior Opposition leaders are being seen as an outreach exercise by the government ahead of the session.
Punjab CM urges PM to resume dialogue with farmers - Flags geopolitical instability as cause of concern
Europe floods: At least 120 dead and hundreds unaccounted for - Hundreds more are unaccounted for after the worst flooding in decades.
Biden and Merkel ‘united against Russia aggression’ - “Good friends can disagree,” Mr Biden says of their dispute over a Russia-to-Germany pipeline.
Peter R de Vries: Dutch crime reporter dies after shooting - Relatives of journalist Peter R de Vries say he has died nine days after being shot in Amsterdam.
Climate change: ‘No more excuses’ at COP26 climate summit - poor nations - More than 100 developing countries set out key demands ahead of the climate summit in Glasgow.
Tour: Bahrain-Victorious team investigated - French prosecutors open a preliminary investigation into doping allegations against Bahrain-Victorious after their team hotel and bus was searched.
Rocket Report: SpaceX tests FAA again in Texas, India pushes Vikas engine - “Welcome to the dawn of the new space age.” - link
Review: Loki’s surprising twists paid off with a major cliffhanger finale - Marvel also announced a second season for the series in post-credits snippet - link
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I was so freaking excited, until she fucked the pizza guy. :(
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“If given the choice…” I replied, “I’d rather have sex with you then her.”
“You mean ‘than’.”
“No.”
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Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.
He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.
Fearing an error, he called the Instructor,“I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result. I wonder if there is an error in the grade.”
The Instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total maark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.”
After a pause, the instructor added, “| gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler which I’ve never seen done in my entire career”.
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Fred came home from University in tears.
“Mum, am I adopted?”
“No of course not”, replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing?
Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city.
Perturbed, his mother called her husband. “Honey, Fred has done a DNA test, and… and… I don’t know how to say this… he may not be our son.”
“Well, obviously!” he replied.
“What do you mean?”
“It was your idea in the first place” her husband continued. “You remember, that first night in hospital when the baby did nothing but scream and cry and scream and cry. On and on. And you asked me to change him.”
“I picked a good one I reckon. Ever so proud of Fred.”
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He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Jack and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?”
Jack says, “You know what, I bet he will.” The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.” Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, “You’re on!”
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, “Fair’s fair… Here’s your money.”
Jack replied, “I can’t take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o’clock news and knew he would jump.”
The blonde replies, “I did too, but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”
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