Daily-Dose

Contents

• From New Yorker
• From Vox
• From The Hindu: Sports
• From The Hindu: National News
• From BBC: Europe
• From Ars Technica
• From Jokes Subreddit

From New Yorker

• How Significant Is Russia’s Partial Ban from SWIFT? - The move demonstrates the seriousness of the effort to punish Putin’s regime, but the effects may be limited. - link

• Turning the Focus on America’s Oligarchs - Could the scrutiny of Putin’s favored billionaires hastened by the war in Ukraine extend to the hidden money that subverts democracy in the United States? - link

• “Z” Is the Symbol of the New Russian Politics of Aggression - In the days following the latest Russian invasion of Ukraine, the letter came to stand for devotion to the state, murderous rage, and unchecked power. - link

• The Difficulty of Being a Perfect Asian American - A book and a documentary examine how Asian Americans internalize the myth of the model minority. - link

• “The Batman,” Reviewed: Eh, It’s Fine - The movie’s solid dramatic architecture is essentially uninhabited, with Robert Pattinson supplying the only substance. - link

From Vox

• Why it costs money to get your own money -

  

  Banking: Oddly expensive, often confusing.

  Banks are in the business of making money, and a lot of it — even if that means charging you to deal with money that’s yours.

  From ATM fees to overdraft fees to maintenance fees, banks have all sorts of ways of extracting funds out of consumers. You go to an out-of-network ATM for cash and wind up paying a few extra dollars. You don’t have a ton of money in your checking account and notice your bank is charging you each month just to hold onto your (dwindling) funds. Maybe you screw up, accidentally try to spend money that isn’t in your account, and you get slapped with a $35 overdraft fee. Or you don’t have a bank account, need to cash a check, and the place where you do it winds up keeping a cut.

  The whole thing can feel a little gross. Sure, banks are private businesses beholden to shareholders. At the same time, it’s hard not to look at the ways big and small they’re scooping up extra cash and think wait, what? Banks made $279.1 billion in 2021, up $132 billion from the year before.

  “One might want to question whether the amount of fees that are being charged are necessary to cover the costs, given those levels of profit margins,” said Brian Shearer, senior adviser to the director at the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB), which recently launched an initiative to look into what it describes as “junk fees” from banks and financial institutions. “One, they add up and they really can have a substantial impact on consumers’ pocketbooks, and, two, we’re concerned that they distort the competitive process and have hindered overall competitive forces in banking.” The concern is that consumers aren’t able to effectively comparison shop because of practices such as drip pricing or hidden pricing that hide actual costs. Basically, if you’re looking for a new bank and on the back end there are all sorts of fees you don’t notice, you might not make the best choice for yourself — and banks won’t have to compete as hard for your business.

  There’s all sorts of advice out there about how to avoid bank fees that encourage consumers to be savvy and shop around. But the reality is not everybody has the time, energy, or ability to do that much leg work. And, again, sometimes the extra costs and fees are hidden, making it even harder to manage. Ultimately, there’s only so much we can expect out of private banks — which is why some experts say the public sector, like the post office, would be a better option.

  It’s expensive to get and use your own money

  It’s not the case that banks shouldn’t charge anything for anything — they’re private institutions, not public. It costs them money to install and maintain ATMs, to transfer money among themselves, to pay employees, insure deposits, offer different services, make sure customers aren’t money laundering, etc. But it’s hard not to wonder if they’re not being a little aggressive, whether the fees they charge always align with their costs.

“There are an array of fees that consumers get charged that we may look at and think, ‘I shouldn’t be charged for that,’ but don’t know it’s excessive or downright wrong to charge people to manage their own money,” said Elyse Hicks, consumer policy counsel at Americans for Financial Reform.

The FDIC lists out the different types of fees banks can place on checking accounts, and the list is long. They can charge monthly service fees, also called maintenance fees, ATM fees, check printing fees, and stop payment fees, among others. They also can charge insufficient funds fees and overdraft fees, which happen when people don’t have enough money in their checking accounts to cover a transaction. In the case of insufficient funds, the transaction gets denied; on overdrafts, it clears even though it’s surpassed the amount of money in someone’s account.

According to a study of checking account fees and ATM fees from Bankrate in 2021, about half of noninterest checking accounts, meaning accounts where the bank just holds your money, are free. The same is true for just 8 percent of interest checking accounts, where people earn interest on their money but can also come with relatively high costs that make the endeavor a wash. The cost of interest checking accounts averaged $16.35 per month, a record high. Monthly fees on noninterest checking accounts were $5.08, marking a decline. For interest checking accounts, consumers had to have on average nearly $10,000 in the accounts to avoid maintenance fees. Noninterest accounts required about $500, which is obviously quite a bit less but still a good amount.

Insufficient funds fees also increased in 2021, to $33.58. While out-of-network ATM fees fell slightly, the average total cost was still $4.59. By comparison, in 1998, insufficient funds fees averaged $21.57, and out-of-network ATM fees $1.97, according to Bankrate.

Insufficient funds fees and overdraft fees have been in the news lately, thanks in part to some high-profile banks deciding to scrap them. Ally Bank, Capital One, and other banks have eliminated the practice of charging overdraft fees. But as Tatiana Walk-Morris recently outlined for Vox, plenty of banks still charge them, and they can add up. Bank overdraft fees, which can average about $35, are often higher than the transactions that trigger them. While some banks offer a cushion on them, many don’t. And they can be a cash cow: According to the CFPB, bank revenue from overdraft and insufficient fund fees hit $15 billion in 2019. For some small banks, overdraft fees make up a huge amount of their profit.

People hit hardest by fees on checking accounts and other random bank fees are often more vulnerable. According to Bankrate, Black consumers pay double the bank fees white consumers do, and Hispanic consumers triple. Bank fees are often hardest to navigate for people with the least means, who can’t keep enough in their accounts to avoid maintenance fees or from time to time accidentally spend a little more than they have. Flat out-of-network ATM fees mean someone who is only able to take out $40 at a time is paying a higher rate to do that than someone who can take out $400.

“We have this distorted cross-subsidy where the biggest revenue on checking accounts is coming from the people with the least money, and they’re subsidizing the checking accounts of those with more money,” said Mike Calhoun, president of the Center for Responsible Lending.

The situation is often worse for people without a bank at all — being unbanked in America is very expensive.

When banks have you, they have you

The way you’re supposed to avoid fees and make sure you’re getting the best deals is to do your research and switch to better offers. And there are options available for consumers to find banks and accounts with lower fees. Some institutions reimburse out-of-network ATM fees, or they offer free checking accounts or waive overdraft fees. Or people can just go to ATMs that are in their networks (some ATM fees from your own bank are a way to get you to do this and try to keep you loyal).

But sometimes, when you need money, you’re not in a spot to seek out a specific ATM. They’re money-makers for businesses that have them, and they can push you toward them, too. You’ve probably found yourself in a bar or restaurant that only accepts cash — and just happens to have a high-fee ATM on the premises.

Banks also know that once they have you as a customer, it’s not super easy to just hop over to the better deal.

“Bank accounts are what would be known in the trade as sticky — it’s relatively hard to transfer bank accounts. It’s a lot of work, and if you don’t have a cash float, it’s a challenge, because you have to leave cash in your old account in case anything clears through there and you have to have cash in your new account,” Calhoun said.

On average, checking account holders stay with their financial institutions for over 17 years. People in many parts of the country live in “banking deserts,” where they just don’t have access to many — or any — banking options.

Some experts warn that bank mergers have also done harm by creating more banking deserts and reducing competition, allowing banks to, among other things, increase costs. Some studies show that increased fees make customers say they’re likelier to switch banks, but that’s only if they’ve got other options or if they’re clear on what hidden fees are there in the first place. Certain banks getting rid of overdraft fees now could pressure others to follow suit. At the same time, overdraft fees began in part because one bank started doing it and then others did too.

Banking fees are associated with access to the payments system and all of the products and services that come along with that. Aaron Klein, a senior fellow in economics studies at the Brookings Institution, said that it is expensive for banks to deal with anti-money-laundering compliance laws, and ATMs can come at a cost to maintain. “I don’t have much sympathy to the industry in terms of the cost of deposit insurance or the cost of some of these other things, but I do have sympathy on the money laundering,” he said. “The overdraft fees are almost pure profit. There’s very little default; for the bank to let your account go negative isn’t really necessarily costly for them.”

Given technological advancements that are surely making transactions more efficient for banks, it’s also hard not to wonder why those savings aren’t trickling down to consumers. Banks aren’t spending $30 to deal with a bounced check.

“At the same time that technology should have and has decreased the cost of certain interactions, the fees purporting to compensate for those interactions have been increasing,” Shearer, from the CFPB, said.

Some people in the banking industry say that measures such as overdraft fees are meant to deter customers from overspending. In the past, banks have used overdraft protections (and fees) in their marketing to try to entice customers.

Shearer questioned whether banks should be in the business of trying to penalize people’s behavior. “It’s problematic to think about fees as some kind of penalty or fine. These are businesses, not governments, and it’s not clear that banks should be in the business of trying to police behaviors through fees. It’s one thing to compensate a cost, but it’s another thing to use it as a profit source or to sort of take on the role of an authority that penalizes the public,” he said.

And again, all of this makes the situation even worse for people without a bank account at all. They wind up having to pay to cash a check. It might cost a flat fee, like $4 or $8, to cash a check, or the institution will take out a certain percentage.

“In this day and age, to participate in commerce, you have to have some sort of digital wallet, digital account. And in order to use any digital account, as in not cash, you have to go through a bank,” said Mehrsa Baradaran, a law professor at the University of California Irvine. “And banks do not have to have all the customers.”

The bank, but at the post office?

On an individual level, there are ways for people to try to avoid bank fees where they can. If you’re in the market for a new checking account or debit card, choose one where there are many ATMs in your area, or find one that offers reimbursements for out-of-network fees. You can also opt for accounts without overdraft fees or with overdraft cushions. And it’s always a good idea to read the fine print about what other little costs you might get hit with behind the scenes.

Still, there’s only so much people can personally do. The point of banks is to make money and to increase profits, and if fees are a way to do that, they’re going to.

“It’s not the fault of the banks. It’s like being mad at a tiger for doing the thing that a tiger does, it’s a predator,” Baradaran said. This all lines up with their incentive structures. “We, by policy, have allowed them to be the size that they are, to have the amount of market power that they have, to merge their deposit bank services with their stock market speculation. So we have these megabanks that do everything, and they do have a lot of control and power. And it’s not their fault. Why should they lose money?”

Baradaran is among experts who have advocated for postal banking, which would essentially turn the US Postal Service into a place that would also offer basic banking services like checking accounts, savings accounts, and payments. The idea is that it would reach and serve as an option for the unbanked and offer lower-cost options for transactions than private banks, such as low-fee ATMs and check cashing. Postal banking has been proposed on Capitol Hill, but thus far, it hasn’t gotten very far legislatively.

In the meantime, many consumers are just going to be a little bit stuck navigating the fee environment on their own.

We live in a world that’s constantly trying to sucker us and trick us, where we’re always surrounded by scams big and small. It can feel impossible to navigate. Every two weeks, join Emily Stewart to look at all the little ways our economic systems control and manipulate the average person. Welcome to The Big Squeeze.

Have ideas for a future column? Email emily.stewart@vox.com.

• How high can gas prices go? -

  

  The US ban on Russian imports has a modest effect, but what comes next matters more.

  President Joe Biden announced Tuesday he intends to ban oil imports from Russia to target the “main artery” of the country’s economy, fossil fuels. But “the decision today is not without cost here at home,” he acknowledged. Namely, that gas prices, already climbing since Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, would continue to climb, and inflation along with them.

  Right on cue, gas prices surged again Tuesday to a national average of $4.17 a gallon. To hit a historic high, gas prices still have a ways to go before beating the previous 2008 record of $5.37 (adjusted for inflation). But there’s a good chance they still haven’t hit their peak.

  One of the major reasons gas prices are climbing is somewhat counterintuitive. The US is not a major consumer of Russian oil, which makes up less than 4 percent of US consumption, so banning imports shouldn’t have a huge effect; the US doesn’t import any Russian gas. The US can make up the oil gap with imports from other countries, and the Biden administration already is pursuing that path by opening talks with Venezuela. Nor is Russia all that reliant on the US, because US purchases account for about 9 percent of its exports.

  The bigger impact on the price of oil comes from what Biden’s announcement portends. Global oil prices have been fluctuating wildly in recent days, reflecting that there is a wide range of uncertainty over what could happen next. One of the uncertainties is whether more countries will follow the US’s move to ban imports, taking Russian oil off the table for a number of foreign markets. Cutting out Russia makes oil more expensive, because it upends the existing network of pipelines and makes countries’ paths to getting oil longer and more expensive.

  Biden’s announcement signals that surging gas prices are probably not going away soon, but beyond this year, energy prices will depend a lot more on what the US does to reduce oil dependency.

  How high gasoline prices rise will depend more on Europe than the US

  This week, global benchmark prices for oil rose to $130, only to fall back down to around $110, as of March

9. The volatility of the market reflects a huge range of uncertainties surrounding the fate of Russian oil.

   Oil from Russia makes up 11 percent of the global oil supply and is a large portion of the oil economy. The rising prices reflect the growing risk that Russian oil may in one way or another be off the market in coming months. Russian President Vladimir Putin could respond to Western sanctions by withholding oil; there could be a physical disruption to European pipelines from war; or Russia may struggle to find buyers for its oil.

   The market may have been overreacting to Biden’s announcement of an oil import ban, helping explain the wild swings in prices. In the next few weeks, what will affect prices more is how Europe and other parts of the world, like China, respond. European countries on average get more of their oil from Russia, and account for more than half of Russian oil exports, mostly shipped by pipelines. Should European allies like France and Germany follow suit and ban imports of Russian oil, it would have a much larger effect on gas prices. So far, only the UK announced an import ban on Russian oil this week, and it’s unclear yet whether more countries will take this step.

   For now, the US is largely acting alone by sanctioning oil imports. But if Russian oil becomes unusable in more markets, one way or another, that will cause prices to climb. It throws a wrench into today’s supply chain for oil, from pipelines built to maximize shorter distances to refineries fine-tuned to process a specific grade of oil. “Everything is designed to be cheap,” explains Clark Williams-Derry, an energy analyst with the Institute for Energy Economics and Financial Analysis. But sanctioning Russian oil means “you’re replumbing the system. All of that costs money and takes time,” he added. “It’s more expensive because it’s less efficient.”

   There are additional factors that could change what happens to the oil supply. The US is also discussing striking deals with Saudi Arabia and relaxing sanctions on Iran to encourage more oil production. No one can tell how all these factors will come together to affect gas prices, but uncertainty usually drives up the price. “We’re in an era of hyper-volatility. That volatility alone is enough to lift prices,” Williams-Derry said.

   More oil infrastructure won’t help in the short term. The US can help consumers more in the long term by reducing oil demand.

   Republicans, and some Democrats, in Congress have pitched increasing domestic oil production as the quick solution to high energy prices.

   That won’t work, as I explained in a previous story. The oil market was already tight before the Russian crisis, because demand has risen faster than production since oil crashed early in the pandemic. This makes the short-term options pretty limited; boosting oil and gas production would require a massive influx of new infrastructure for fossil fuels.

   Building new fossil fuel infrastructure is just not a short-term fix. “In the short term, the options available are basically limited to existing assets in the world,” said Trevor Houser, a co-author on a recent Rhodium Group report on reducing US energy dependence on Russia. “You just can’t build that much new stuff in six months before the next heating season kicks in.”

   This hasn’t stopped lawmakers like Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV) from calling for an “all of the above” energy strategy that boosts oil and gas as much as renewable energy. This kind of logic can boost US oil company profits, but doesn’t really help with any pain at the pump.

   The best long-term counterweight to Putin’s influence in the global economy is to reduce the world’s reliance on fossil fuels, not enhance it. This is where the US has the most control to help consumers deal with energy bills, by addressing demand. Europe is more reliant on oil for heating households than the US, which uses more natural gas.

   But the US can support efforts that encourage efficiency, like thermostat adjustments to conserve energy, and ramping up manufacturing for heat pumps to replace boilers. The US could also boost fuel efficiency standards, boost funding for electric cars and hybrids, and increase support for public transit to cut demand for oil. And energy efficiency upgrades for buildings, like installing more electric heat pumps, would help save money on heating bills for buildings that aren’t yet electrified.

   On Tuesday, Biden noted a few of the ways his administration may seek to expand clean energy policies to help consumers hurting from gasoline prices. “Loosening environmental regulations or pulling back clean energy investment won’t lower energy prices for families,” he said. “But transforming our economy to run on electric vehicles powered by clean energy with tax credits to help American families winterize their homes and use less energy, that will help.”

   All these policies are the most effective in the medium term, looking out to the next five to 10 years. That includes US investment in bringing newer technologies to scale, like clean hydrogen, sustainable aviation fuels, and long-duration electricity storage and advanced battery technology. “You have to start those investments now,” Rhodium’s Houser said. “While they’re effective in the medium term, they have to start now because it takes a while to build things.”

   Looking past the immediate crisis, the best answer for expensive gas at the pump is the same set of policies that target climate pollution.

   “If we do what we can, it will mean that no one has to worry about the price at the gas pump in the future,” Biden said Tuesday. “That’ll mean tyrants like Putin won’t be able to use fossil fuels as weapons against other nations.”

• The toll Russia’s war is taking on Ukrainian civilians, in photos -

  

  Russian bombing destroyed a maternity hospital in Mariupol. Families across the country have been split apart, as more than 2 million refugees flee.

  Mariupol is in crisis. Russia has bombarded the city of 400,000 for a week, and efforts to establish a humanitarian corridor — a safe passage out for civilians — have so far failed. Ukrainian officials have accused Russia of shelling the evacuation route, effectively trapping people inside Mariupol who have already been cut off from water and electricity and cellphone service for days. Food and medicine are running out, adding to a situation the United Nations has described as “dire.”

  The crisis is still unfolding, but images and videos from the city show the harm already wrought in the two weeks since Russian President Vladimir Putin ordered a “special military operation” in Ukraine.

  Associated Press photojournalists Mstyslav Chernov and Evgeniy Maloletka captured images of a man rushing a wounded toddler into a Mariupol hospital Friday, and they captured the hospital workers trying, and failing, to save 18-month-old Kirill. They captured the grief of Kirill’s mother, and his mother’s boyfriend, and the hospital workers who now must prepare for triage. “Show this to Putin,” a doctor said, according to Maloletka and Mstysalv.

  Evgeniy Maloletka/AP

    <img alt=" " src="https://cdn.vox-

On Wednesday, five days later, a Russian strike destroyed a maternity hospital in Mariupol.

These scenes are repeated across Ukraine. In Kyiv, thousands are still trying to flee, as skirmishes and shelling continue on the outskirts of the city, in places like Irpin. In Kharkiv, heavy shelling has destroyed homes, and forced residents underground, into subways.

The full toll of the war so far is difficult to know, but the United Nations has estimated more than 1,300 civilian casualties, as of March 8. More than 470 civilians have died, the UN said, though the actual figure is likely much higher. Almost 2 million civilians have escaped to Poland, Moldova, and Romania in two weeks, making this Europe’s largest refugee crisis since World War II. Most are women and children, as the men stay in Ukraine to fight.

Becky Bakr Abdulla, an adviser to the Norwegian Refugee Council who is currently based in Poland, said that most refugees she has contacted told her they fled Ukraine without a plan. And yet, she added, “there was no sign of them thinking that they would be able to return anytime soon.” —Jen Kirby

Sergei Supinsky/AFP via Getty Images

    <img alt=" " src="https://cdn.vox-

cdn.com/thumbor/1qsFAleKVo8zLWbsICXR0rW39VU=/800x0/filters:no_upscale()/cdn.vox- cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/23300219/GettyImages_1383102314.jpg" /> Chris McGrath/Getty Images

  <figcaption>A woman shelters behind a building as smoke and flames rise from a chemical warehouse that was hit by

Russian shelling on the eastern front line near Kalynivka village in Kyiv on March 8.

    <img alt=" " src="https://cdn.vox-

cdn.com/thumbor/9PHr2ud2dVuIGzIhG8zZpx5fXhQ=/800x0/filters:no_upscale()/cdn.vox- cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/23299137/AP22067525347492.jpg" /> Evgeniy Maloletka/AP

Evgeniy Maloletka/AP

Dimitar Dilkoff/STF/AFP via Getty Images

Laurent Van der Stockt for Le Monde/Getty Images

Wolfgang Schwan/Anadolu Agency via Getty Images

Marcus Yam/Los Angeles Times via Getty Images

Chris McGrath/Getty Images

Vadim Ghirda/AP

Emilio Morenatti/AP

Bulent Kilic/AFP via Getty Images

Vadim Ghirda/AP

Chris McGrath/Getty Images

Emilio Morenatti/AP

Adria Salido Zarco/Anadolu Agency via Getty Images

From The Hindu: Sports

• Women’s Cricket World Cup | India handed 62-run loss by hosts New Zealand - Harmanpreet Kaur (71) was the lone warrior for India with the bat.

• Jhulan becomes joint-highest wicket taker in Women's ODI World Cup - She has continued to be India's backbone with the ball in an illustrious career and has also represented the country in 12 Tests and 68 T20Is.

• Unvaccinated Djokovic says he is out of Indian Wells, Miami - Novak Djokovic says he will not be able to compete at the upcoming tennis tournaments in Indian Wells, California, and Miami because he is unvaccinated and can’t travel to the United States

• Eng vs WI Test | Holder and Bonner revive West Indies after 1st test wobble - England is ahead of the West Indies by 109 runs after limiting the home side to 202-4 on day two

• Distinction primed to deliver in feature -

From The Hindu: National News

• A night school established by Gandhi’s disciple -

• Andhra Pradesh: fill up all drinking water ponds to tackle scarcity, Collector tells officials - ‘Prepare a summer action plan and ensure transportation facility to supply water by road

• Farmers demand statutory guarantee on MSP for agricultural produce - Want State Govt. to repeal amendments to Land Reforms Act

• We accept people's mandate, will reinvent and return with new strategy: Congress - ‘We were expecting good results in Uttarakhand, Goa and Punjab, but we accept that we failed to get the people’s blessing,’ says Randeep Surjewala

• Mysuru’s Arjun Ranga is CII Karnataka head -

From BBC: Europe

• Ukraine war: No progress on ceasefire after Kyiv-Moscow talks - Kyiv’s FM says Russian demands amount to a surrender, Moscow’s FM says the invasion is going to plan.

• Russia-Ukraine war: Family drags grandmother to safety from Bucha - When his neighbour’s house was hit by a tank, Dmytro decided to get out of the town of Bucha fast.

• Use Russian money to rebuild Ukraine, says bank boss - In a BBC interview, the Ukraine central bank boss proposes a list of extra financial sanctions on Russia.

• Kamala Harris heads to Poland amid Nato fighter jet rift - The chances of a deal to supply planes to Ukraine look very remote due to escalation fears.

• Denmark says sorry to children of failed experiment - Six surviving Inuit Greenlanders taken from their families in 1951 speak about their ordeal.

From Ars Technica

• Intel’s Core i7-12700 tested: Top speeds or power efficiency—pick one - This CPU performs well, but its peak speeds mean high power draw and extra heat. - link

• The best games from PlayStation’s March 9 “State of Play” presentation - Leading the pack: As close a return to Final Fantasy Tactics as we’ve seen in years. - link

• “Android 12 QPR3 Beta 1” brings a new level of complication to Android betas - Android 12L (QPR2) is stable, QPR3 is in beta, and Android 13 is the dev channel. - link

• Biden considers digital dollar—here’s how it could differ from regular money - Digital currency may have advantages but could also be tool for surveillance. - link

• Brave takes on the creepy websites that override your privacy settings - Even if you block 3rd-party cookies, bounce tracking can set them anyway. Until now. - link

From Jokes Subreddit

• A married man was having an affair with his Nympho secretary, and lost track of time. -

  Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. “Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house. “Darling, I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary and we’ve been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until eight o’clock”. The wife glanced down at his shoes and said "You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf again! How much money did you lose this time?

  submitted by /u/YZXFILE
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• A plane carrying Donald Trump made an emergency landing in New Orleans after alleged engine failure over the Gulf of Mexico. -

  Turns out there was just a loud whine coming from the right wing.

  submitted by /u/NeverBob
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• Why is Putin and Zelensky neighbors? -

  Apparently a big dick needs a great set of balls next to it.

  (Came up on my own :,))

  Edit no. Unknown- Thank you for redditors who pointed out the mistakes in my post. Sadly, I can’t change the title. It is “Are” instead of “Is”.

  submitted by /u/zzuhruf
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• A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read -

  HUSBAND WANTED! MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70’s), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

  On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, “You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you … you have no legs!” The old man smiled, “Therefore I cannot run around on you!”

  She snorted. “You don’t have any hands either!” Again the old man smiled, “Nor can I beat you!”

  She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. “Are you still good in bed?” With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”

  submitted by /u/YZXFILE
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• A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, “I played on my college’s golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?” No one wants to say ‘yes’, but they’re on the spot… -

  Finally, one man says, “Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m.”

  He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

  The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

  They roll their eyes, but say, “Okay.”

  She’s there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round.

  She’s fun and pleasant and the guys are impressed.

  They congratulate her and invite her back the next week.

  She smiles, and says, “I’ll be there at 6:30, or 6:45.”

  The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp.

  Only this time, she plays left-handed.

  The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand.

  They’re totally amazed.

  They can’t figure her out.

  She’s very pleasant and a gracious winner.

  They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her.

  The third week, she’s 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys.

  This week she plays right-handed and narrowly beats all three of them.

  The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part.

  However, she’s so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can’t hold a grudge.

  This woman is a riddle no one can figure out.

  They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse and finally, one of the men asks her, “How do you decide if you’re going to golf right-handed or left-handed?”

  The lady blushes, and grins. “When my dad taught me to play golf, I learned that I was ambidextrous.” she replies. “I like to switch back and forth.”

  “When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his willie points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed.”

  The guys think this is hysterical.

  Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, “What if it’s pointing straight up?”

  She says, “Then, I’m fifteen minutes late.”

  submitted by /u/808gecko808
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