Daily-Dose

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From New Yorker

From Vox

The more you think about it, the more the idea of altruism breaks down. These TikTokers likely live in the same city as the people they’re recording; they also know the first names of everyone involved. The video creators could easily search for these people offline and relay the same message without hundreds of thousands of strangers watching.

Quietly doing this, though, would negate the attention, dopamine, and follows that posting a public video brings. Scurrilous info about strangers is a known performer on the platform. It’s not unlike how TikTok creators have co-opted Reddit’s Am I the Asshole forum and the platform’s penchant for confessional-style stories.

“It’s a strategic move. The people that are doing this know that it’s gonna get a reaction, it’s gonna get some type of engagement — that’s the name of the game,” Stefanone, the professor at the University at Buffalo, told me.

Theoretically, Stefanone said, the bonds we craft when we share gossip are at play here too. The creators are sharing gossip with their audience, creating a simulacrum of trust. People who trust these creators then follow and engage with their content. TikTokers also make the audience feel valuable by asking them to track down the wronged parties. This encourages following and engaging with their content.

But they’re also capitalizing on what experts I spoke to describe as a breach of our social contract.

“We talk about the things that are most important to us in our relationships. That is so normal,” said Michael Goldstone, a staff therapist at Northwestern’s Family Institute. Goldstone primarily specializes in treating young and emerging adults. “What isn’t [normal] is this idea of posting on social media — it seems like it could be really hurtful to people, especially when you don’t have any idea about the full context of the story.”

What makes gossip gossip is that it’s a protected thing, which goes back to the idea that we’re only gossiping with people we value. There’s a shared trust to these conversations. The subjects of these videos are participating in that, engaging in what they believe is a private conversation among friends.

But by recording and airing the conversations, TikTokers are not only possibly misrepresenting these private conversations, they’re also implicitly asking their audience to ignore that they’ve taken said localized gossip and extended it far beyond its intended audience.

“Never before have we had this technology where we can throw up a camera and record stuff right away,” Stefanone added. “That’s directly at the expense of the people being recorded. It’s a strategic move. The people that are doing this know that it’s gonna get a reaction, it’s gonna get some type of engagement. And that’s the name of the game.”

Friendships are much more complex than five minutes of complaining

“Ohhhhh my god. Alex. Alex. ALEX,” Kelsey McKinney groaned to me over the phone. “It’s tattletale behavior.”

After seeing these videos, the first person I wanted to talk to was gossip extraordinaire Kelsey McKinney. I have been gossiping with McKinney for over nine years, first as coworkers and now as friends, and she has since gone pro as the host of the extremely popular podcast Normal Gossip. McKinney’s show takes listener-submitted goss, anonymizes the details for maximum privacy, and presents it to an audience for their entertainment. Anonymity is key: Trying to identify the gossipers or gossipees goes against the show’s mission, which is to find the fun, the community, and the humanity of banal gossip. On Normal Gossip, no one gets in trouble, no one gets their feelings hurt, and no one is snitching on their friends.

But as McKinney explains, the tattletale is not entertaining. The tattletale isn’t funny. The tattletale has no real friends because the tattletale is not fun to be around. The tattletale will tell anyone anything.

“The goal of a tattletale is never actually moral justice or whatever they say they’re doing. The goal of tattletale is attention and nothing else,” McKinney told me, adding that because people have learned not to include tattletales, tattletales rarely have the full context of the story.

McKinney revealed she was once a tattletale herself, back in middle school.

McKinney learned quickly that the only time to tattle was if there was grave danger — like boys jumping off of the school roof. The therapists and experts I spoke to agreed, stating that harboring resentment or pain is probably the threshold at which petty, trivial gossip turns sour.

Adult tattletales have not learned the calculus needed to discern the amount of danger that warrants tattling.

For real-life tattletales, McKinney said, “the consequence that you face is that people aren’t going to tell you things anymore. People are going to intentionally exclude you from things.” She added, “Online, you don’t have those kinds of repercussions. There’s only views, comments, and attention. The people tattling aren’t tattling on their own community or their own friends. If they did, they’d have to face the consequences.”

At the heart of all tattling is the belief that something witnessed is wrong. That raises the important question at the heart of all these videos: What exactly is someone doing wrong in these videos? Saying that the bridesmaids’ dresses, which are notoriously ugly, were ugly? Complaining that a friend wasn’t being a friend at that moment?

“The action of that friendship is that friend showed up at the wedding, wore an ugly dress, smiled, celebrated, and said, ‘I’m so happy for you.’ That’s a huge thing to do for someone. And then you’re gonna get canceled at brunch for saying the dress was ugly?” McKinney posited.

Sarah Jessica Parker, Chris Noth, Cynthia Nixon and Kristin Davis on Location for Sex and the City: The Movie, October 12, 2007. James Devaney/WireImage
Sometimes being a friend means putting on an ugly dress and celebrating your best girlfriend getting married. Charlotte York-Goldenblatt took an extra step that day.

Perhaps the uncomfortable thing about these videos isn’t that these friends are bad people doing bad things, but rather the realization that there are going to be moments when your friends think you’re deeply annoying. There are going to be times when people you care about — people you even gossip with — are mad at you and want to talk to someone else about how you made them put on a bridesmaid dress or embarrassed them at a party or were not particularly pleasant to be around.

That’s normal.

“In the lifetime of a friendship, there’s going to be bad things that happen, and it’s just human to be annoyed by people,” said Pumps, who admitted that her beloved co-host Welch sometimes drives her absolutely “bananas.” It’s human to talk about people you care about, too. Who has more opinions about you than someone who cares?

Welch chimed in. “To think that Pumps and I could be at lunch trash-talking and somebody would record it and then post it on the internet to hurt other people?” Welch asked. “That’s what our podcast is for. We’ll just record it ourselves and post it.”

From The Hindu: Sports

From The Hindu: National News

From BBC: Europe

From Ars Technica

From Jokes Subreddit

  • Fishing…… -

    Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip.

    Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn’t go this time because his wife wouldn’t let him.

    After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated.

    The following week when Steve’s buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve.

    He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing.

    “How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?” “I didn’t have to,” Steve replied.

    "Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn’t go fishing. Then the ol’ lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, ‘Surprise’.

    When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, ‘Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,’ So, Here I am!"

    submitted by /u/MercyReign
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  • Did you hear about the farm hand that got fired for having sex in the herbs? -

    He was fucking on company thyme.

    submitted by /u/theWet_Bandits
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  • Why did Bilbo have a boner at his own funeral? -

    Because old Hobbits die hard.

    Edit: Frodo also had a boner at the funeral, cuz he had mourning wood.

    submitted by /u/theturtlegame
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  • Jesus and Moses in Heaven -

    One beautiful day in Heaven, Jesus and Moses were fishing in a lake. After a while of silence, Jesus asked Moses, “Hey Moses, can you still do it? You know… ‘Your thing’?” Moses then answered, “I don’t know, let me see if I still got it!”

    He then stood up and drew his arms forwards, and then separates them. As soon as he did it, the lake’s water divided into two and the boat fell to the dry bottom of the lake. Moses happily then said, “Ah ha! I can still do it!!” Then after he closed his arms and the lake came back to normal, with the boat rising on top of it, he then asked Jesus, “So, how about you? Can you still do it, ‘your thing’?” Jesus then answered, “Only one way to find out!”

    Jesus then stood up and jumped out of the boat, and started walking on the lake. But after a few miles of walking, he then fell into the water and started drowning. Moses seeing this, rushed to save Jesus and get him out of the water. When Jesus was finally saved, Moses, looking confused, then asked him, “Hey, what happened? How did you fall into the water??”

    Jesus, still breathing faintly, then answered him, “Ha– Ha– I just remembered– That I still got holes in my feet– From that day–”

    submitted by /u/le_bouffon
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