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  • A guy approaches his friend in the Synagogue. -

    “Dave, I need your big favor as my best friend. I am heading to the rabbi’s to have sex with his wife. Please keep him here for two hours. Ask complicated questions, follow up on the answers, trade stories… Whatever you can do to make him stay,” the guy says.

    David reluctantly agrees and goes to see the rabbi.

    “Rabbi, I got myself into a predicament. My friend pressured me to prevent you from leaving here while your wife and he were having sex at your house. What is your advice?”

    Rabbi: “Run home. I am not married.”

    submitted by /u/andmig205
    [link] [comments]

  • A Jewish man, Abram, is on his deathbed -

    His faithful wife Sarah of 50+ years is by his side. While he’s suffering through his illness, he turns to his wife.

    “Sarah, we’ve been married for over 50 years. When the Nazis came through our village and took us to a concentration camp and we somehow survived, you were there with me.”

    Sarah replies “I was, Abram.”

    Abram says “and when the economy went down, and our business went under, you were there with me.”

    Sarah replies “I was, my love.”

    Abram says “and when we lost our home, and had to live in a shack, you were there with me.”

    She says “yes sweetheart, I was.”

    Abram says “and when our children rebelled, and got in all sorts of trouble, and we didn’t know what we would do to get them on the right path…. you were there.”

    Sarah is tearing up at this point over all the times they’ve been through. “I was Abram.”

    Abram looks at her with a serious face. “I’m beginning to think you’re bad luck, Sarah.”

    submitted by /u/MaroonTrucker28
    [link] [comments]

  • On my first day in prison, my cell mate said to me… -

    “If you ever come close to me, I’ll fucking skin you alive. When we’re sleeping, you don’t fucking touch me. You hear me? Don’t ever talk to me, either.”

    “Fucking great.” I thought, “First day in here and I’m already married.”

    submitted by /u/MudakMudakov
    [link] [comments]