++What is the universe made out of? How should we define death? Where did dogs come from? And more! +
++pThree years ago, Vox launched Unexplainable, a podcast about unanswered questions and what we learn when we explore the unknown. There’s a line I think about all the time from our very first episode. +
++“Whatever we know is provisional,” Priya Natarajan, a Yale physicist, told us about research on dark matter. But the sentiment also applies to science overall. “It is apt to change. What motivates people like me to continue doing science is the fact that it keeps opening up more and more questions. Nothing is ultimately resolved.” +
++Unexplainable isn’t about how scientists don’t know anything. Science is a process of narrowing a gap between the questions we have and the capabilities of our tools and know-how to answer them. In many cases, that gap appears closed. No one doubts, for instance, the existence of gravity. +
++But even then, it is a scientist’s job to have intellectual humility, or at least to be open to the idea that there’s still a piece missing — as there is with gravity — knowing the results could just end up confirming what they thought in the first place. +
++Really, science is about a big question: How do we know when we’ve completely learned something? +
++What this series has taught us is that answering the question is a journey. Sometimes the stories on that journey are exciting — like what happens when NASA launches a staggeringly powerful observatory into space. Sometimes they are frustrating, especially when answers to a question are held back by powerful forces like scientific funding, perverse incentives, or stigma. +
++Most often, though, the stories are deeply human: We ask questions because we’re trying to understand our imperfect bodies, our beautiful but fragile world, and our place in the universe just a bit better. +
++We’re drawn to questions because they are optimistic. They invite us to dream of a better world in which they are answered, where the gaps between questions and our capabilities to answer them are smaller. Scientific knowledge is a gift we can give the future. It’s worth getting right. +
++Here are some of the questions that astounded us the most. +
+
+
+- What is the universe made out of?
+
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NASA
++If you go outside on a dark night, in the darkest places on Earth, you can see as many as 9,000 stars. They present as tiny points of light, but in reality, they are massive infernos. And while these stars seem astonishingly numerous to our eyes, they represent just the tiniest fraction of all the stars in our galaxy, let alone the universe. +
++All the stars in all the galaxies in all the universe barely even begin to account for all the stuff out there. Most of the matter in the universe is unseeable, untouchable, and, to this day, undiscovered. +
++Scientists call this unexplained stuff “dark matter,” and they believe there’s five times more of it in the universe than normal matter — the stuff that makes up you and me, stars, planets, black holes, and everything we can see in the night sky or touch here on Earth. It’s strange even calling all that “normal” matter because, in the grand scheme of the cosmos, normal matter is the rare stuff. But to this day, no one knows what dark matter is. +
++So, how might scientists actually “discover” it? +
++Further reading: Dark matter holds our universe together. No one knows what it is. +
++
+
+- How did life start on Earth?
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DeAgostini/Getty Images
++For decades, scientists have been trying to re-create in labs the conditions of early Earth. The thinking is, perhaps if they can mimic those conditions, they will eventually be able to create something similar to the first simple cells that formed here billions of years ago. From there, they could piece together a story about how life started on Earth. +
++This line of research has demonstrated some stunning successes. In the 1950s, scientists Harold Urey and Stanley Miller showed that it’s possible to synthesize the amino acid glycine — i.e., one of life’s most basic building blocks — by mixing gases believed to have filled the atmosphere billions of years ago and adding heat and simulated lightning. +
++Since then, scientists have been able to make lipid blobs that look a lot like cell membranes. They’ve gotten RNA molecules to form, which are like simplified DNA. But getting all these components of life to form in a lab and assemble into a simple cell — that hasn’t happened. +
++So what’s standing in the way? What would it mean if scientists succeeded in creating life in a bottle? They could uncover not just the story of the origin of life on Earth, but come to a shocking conclusion about how common life must be in the universe. +
++Further reading: 3 unexplainable mysteries of life on Earth +
++
+
+- How did dogs evolve from wolves?
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Christian Charisius/picture alliance via Getty Images
++Wolves and dogs are nearly genetically identical, sharing 99.9 percent of their DNA (and are more similar to each other than we are to our close animal relatives, like chimps), yet they behave differently. Wolves “still have all of their natural hunting behaviors which dogs don’t have,” Kathryn Lord, a scientist who studies the evolution of behavior, says. “In the wolves, everything you greatly fear seeing in a dog pup is totally normal.” +
++Scientists still don’t know what precisely caused wolves and dogs to diverge from one another some 20,000 years ago. There are two main hypotheses. Either we humans domesticated wolves through a painstaking and dangerous process (possibly involving breastfeeding wolf pups!), or the wolves, essentially, domesticated themselves by venturing closer and closer to our trash (i.e., food). +
++The answer is more than just trivia. “A better understanding of how this might have happened long ago might give us a better understanding also to how animals and plants and such today might be able to — or not able to — adapt to us,” Lord says. +
++And to find out, Lord has been playing with some puppies: +
++Further reading: How gray wolves divided America +
++
+
+- Can animals feel grief?
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Olivier Morin/AFP via Getty Images
++In 2018, a mother orca carried the carcass of her dead calf for 17 days, covering thousands of miles of ocean. The journey inspired many media reports, but also, one big question: Was this mother orca grieving? +
++Similar stories have popped up across the animal kingdom: of a dog refusing to leave its deceased owner’s grave, of elephants apparently convening in “mourning,” of geese that appear to grieve the loss of a mate and refuse to eat. +
++Though it’s easy to look at these behaviors and assume these animals experience a human-like version of grief, the science of studying animal emotion and death behaviors is much trickier. Some scientists suggest it’s not possible to know the interior life of an animal. Others say there’s a lot to be learned about the evolutionary history of grief if we go with the assumption that this is grief. +
++“There’s a principle in science of parsimony that was to say if something evolved in one species, it’s very unlikely that, you know, it didn’t also evolve in other species,” says Jessica Pierce, a bioethicist. +
++On Unexplainable, Pierce and two other researchers help us think through this thorny question: What can we learn from animal reactions to death? +
++Further reading: Breakups really suck, even if you’re a fish +
++
+
+- What will animals look like in the future?
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Amanda Northrop/Vox
++It’s impossible to completely predict how evolution will play out in the future, but that doesn’t mean we can’t try. Reporter Mandy Nguyen asked biologists and other experts to weigh in: What would animals look like a million years from now? +
++The experts took the question seriously. “I do think it’s a really useful and important exercise,” Liz Alter, professor of evolutionary biology at California State University Monterey Bay told Nguyen. In thinking about the forces that will shape the future of life on Earth, we need to think about how humans are changing environments right now. +
++Further reading: The animals that may exist in a million years, imagined by biologists +
++
+
+- What’s the secret to a great romantic relationship?
+
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Getty Images/Westend61
++Scientists grapple with the same relationship questions matchmakers, romance authors, poets, and anyone who has ever been single do. +
++“The big mystery is — do you really know who you want?” says Dan Conroy-Beam, a University of California Santa Barbara psychologist who studies relationship formation. Single people often have an imagined perfect partner, but is this person really the one who will make them happy? +
++The question seems simple, but it’s not trivial. A lot of time, energy, and heartache goes into finding solid relationships. “In a lot of senses, who you choose as a partner is the most important decision you’ll ever make,” Conroy-Beam says. “That’s going to affect your happiness, your health, and your overall well-being.” +
++Scientists don’t have all the answers, and they often disagree on which answers are even possible. But I found that their hypotheses — along with some advice from matchmakers and relationship coaches — can help us think through how love starts and how to maintain it once it’s found. +
++Further reading: What science still can’t explain about love +
++
+
+- Where the heck does our moon come from?
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HUM Images/Universal Images Group
++Before the moon landings, scientists thought they knew how the moon came to be, assuming it formed a lot like other planets did: Debris and dust leftover from the formation of the sun essentially clumped together to form rocky worlds like Earth and the moon. +
++But then, Apollo astronauts brought samples back from the lunar surface, and those rocks told a totally different story. +
++“Geologists had found that the moon was covered in a special kind of rock called anorthosite,” Unexplainable producer Meradith Hoddinott explains on the show. “Glittery, bright, and reflective, this is the rock that makes the moon shine white in the night sky. And at the time, it was thought, this rock can only be formed in a very specific way: magma.” +
++The indication there was magma means the moon must have formed in some sort of epic cataclysm: “Something that poured so much energy into the moon that it literally melted,” Hoddinott says. Scientists aren’t precisely sure how it all played out, but each scenario is a cinematic story of fiery apocalyptic proportions. +
++Further reading: How Apollo moon rocks reveal the epic history of the cosmo +
++
+
+- How does sound become hearing?
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Getty Images/iStockphoto
++Sound enters our ears, light enters our eyes, chemicals splash up in our nose and mouth, and mechanical forces graze our skin. It’s up to our brains to make sense of what it all means and create a seamless conscious experience of the world. +
++In the 1970s, psychologist Diana Deutsch discovered an audio illusion that made her feel like her brain was a little bit broken. “It seemed to me that I’d entered another universe or I’d gone crazy or something … the world had just turned upside down!” Deutsch recalls on Unexplainable. +
++Like the visual illusions that trick our eyes into seeing impossible things, the audio illusion Deutsch discovered in the 1970s fooled her ears. Sometimes illusions make us feel like, as Deutsch says, something is off with our minds. But really, these misperceptions show how our brains work. +
++Illusions teach us that our reality isn’t a direct real-time feed coming from our ears, eyes, skin, and the rest of our bodies. Instead, what we experience is our brain’s best guess. +
++But how do our brains do this? And how can scientists use that information to help people, invent new tools, or understand ourselves better? +
++Further reading: What science still doesn’t know about the five senses +
++
+
+- Why don’t doctors know more about endometriosis?
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Sudipta Das/NurPhoto via Getty Images
++In people with endometriosis, a disease in which tissue similar to what grows inside the uterus grows elsewhere in the body. It’s a chronic condition that can be debilitatingly painful. Yet doctors don’t fully understand what causes it, and treatment options are limited. +
++Worse, many people with endometriosis find that doctors can be dismissive of their concerns. It can take years to get an accurate diagnosis, and research into the condition has been poorly funded. +
++Vox reporter Byrd Pinkerton highlighted how frustrating it can be to suffer from an often-ignored, chronic condition. “It’s just so, so, so soul-crushing to just live in this body day in and day out,” one patient told Pinkerton. +
++Further reading: Menstrual fluid’s underexplored medical treasures +
++
+
+- Is there anything alive in the human poop left on the moon?
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NASA
++During the Apollo moon missions, astronauts went to the moon and, to save weight for returning to Earth, they dumped their waste behind. Across all the Apollo missions, astronauts left 96 bags of human waste on the moon, and they pose a fascinating astrobiological question. +
++Human waste — and in particular, feces — is teeming with microbial life. With the Apollo moon landings, we took microbial life on Earth to the most extreme environment it has ever been in. Which means the waste on the moon represents a natural, though unintended, experiment. +
++The question the experiment could answer: How resilient is life in the face of the brutal environment of the moon? And for that matter, if microbes can survive on the moon, can they survive interplanetary or interstellar travel? If they can survive, then maybe it’s possible that life can spread from planet to planet, riding on the backs of asteroids or other such space debris. +
++Further reading: Apollo astronauts left their poop on the moon. We gotta go back for that shit. +
++
+
+- Was there an advanced civilization on Earth before humans?
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Science Photo Libra/Getty Images
++Many scientists have long wondered: Is there intelligent life out in the deep reaches of space? Climate scientist Gavin Schmidt and astrophysicist Adam Frank have a different question: Was there intelligent life in the deep reaches of Earth’s history? Could we find evidence of an advanced non-human civilization that lived perhaps hundreds of millions of years ago, buried in the Earth’s crust? +
++This is not strictly a “solar system” mystery, but it is cosmic in scope. At the heart of it, Schmidt and Frank are asking: How likely is an intelligent life form on any planet — here or in the deepest reaches of space — to leave a mark, a sign that they existed? And for that matter: Hundreds of millions of years from now, will some alien explorers landing on Earth be able to find traces of humans if we’re long, long gone? +
++Further reading: The Silurian hypothesis: Would it be possible to detect an industrial civilization in the geological record? +
++
+
+- What is the definition of “life”?
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Mark Ralston/AFP via Getty Images
++We know life when we see it. Flying birds are clearly alive, as are microscopic creatures like tardigrades that scurry around in a single drop of water. +
++But do we, humans, know what life fundamentally is? No. +
++“No one has been able to define life, and some people will tell you it’s not possible to,” says New York Times columnist and science reporter Carl Zimmer. It’s not for a lack of trying. “There are hundreds, hundreds of definitions of life that scientists themselves have published in the scientific literature,” he says. +
++The problem is, for every definition of life, there’s a creature or perplexing life-like entity that just sends us right back to the drawing board. +
++Further reading: What is life? Scientists still can’t agree. +
++
+
+- How should we define death?
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Getty Images
++Death used to be fairly self-evident. Someone stopped breathing, their heart stopped beating — they were dead. But new technologies have forced us to ask: When is someone actually dead? +
++Now, new research is raising a further question: Might it even be possible, in some instances or for just a brief moment, to reverse death? It sounds outlandish, but researchers at Yale University describe how they were able to partially revive disembodied pigs’ brains several hours after the pigs’ death. +
++If this technology progresses, could it redefine death? +
++Further reading: There’s a surprisingly rich debate about how to define death +
++
+
+- What did dinosaurs sound like?
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Tayfun Coskun/Anadolu Agency via Getty Images
++What would it be like to be near a dinosaur? From fossil evidence, scientists can get a decent sense of what these ancient creatures looked like. But they still don’t know what they would have sounded like. Whereas hard tissues like bone can fossilize and leave us information about dinosaur stature and shape millions of years later, soft tissues — like the muscle and cartilage that help generate sound — do not fossilize as readily. +
++Many Hollywood depictions of dinosaur roars are not based in scientific reality (the T-Rex roar in Jurassic Park is partially based on an elephant. A mammal! Dinosaurs were reptiles!). So where do scientists start in trying to imagine realistic dinosaur noises? They look to dinosaurs’ closest relatives alive on Earth today. +
++Further reading: What did dinosaurs actually sound like? Take a listen. +
++
+
+- Is there such a thing as perfect internet encryption?
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Getty Images
++Today’s internet is built on a series of locks and keys that protect your private information as it travels through cyberspace. “Encryption is basically like this cloak that wraps your private information,” Unexplainable’s Meradith Hoddinott says on the show. If someone intercepts your message as it travels around the web, “it just looks like random static” +
++But there’s a fear: With increases in computing power, it’s possible that one day all these locks can be broken. +
++So cryptographers are trying to probe deep, complicated mathematical theory. They want to know: Could a perfect, unbreakable “lock” even exist? +
++Further reading: Inside the quest for unbreakable encryption at MIT Tech Review +
++
+
+- Is it safe to use weed during pregnancy?
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Getty Images/fStop
++There is really good research out there that shows that if a parent drinks too much alcohol during pregnancy, it can have clear consequences for the child, affecting everything from their weight and size to their cognitive abilities, vision, and hearing. There is also good evidence that smoking cigarettes can harm a fetus. +
++As Vox reporter Keren Landman found in recent reporting, by contrast, the consequences of cannabis use are less obvious. The studies that have been done have had mixed results. Researchers aren’t entirely clear on whether cannabis use affects birth weights, and while there are some connections drawn between cannabis use in pregnancy and attention, hyperactivity, and aggression in kids, these results are also not clear-cut. +
++In spite of these mixed results, Landman found that cannabis use in pregnancy is still heavily penalized in states across the US — even in states where the drug is legal. Pregnant parents sometimes use cannabis to help them cope with morning sickness or other pregnancy symptoms, but in many states, they can have their children taken away by child protective services, or even be arrested and jailed. +
++Why is there such a mismatch between the science and the policy? And how can we improve both, and make parents feel safe discussing cannabis use with their providers? +
++Further reading: Is weed safe in pregnancy? +
++
+
+- How will everything end?
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NASA, ESA, CSA, STScI, Webb ERO
++In the early 1900s, Henrietta Leavitt, a Massachusetts-born “computer” who worked at the Harvard College Observatory, published a discovery that may sound small but is one of the most important in the history of astronomy: She found a way to measure the distance to certain stars. +
++Over time, scientists kept building on Leavitt’s ruler to measure the universe. As they used these measuring tools, their understanding of the universe evolved. They realized it was far bigger than previously thought, there are billions of galaxies, and it’s expanding: Those galaxies are moving farther and farther away from one another. +
++Astronomers also realized that the universe had a beginning. If galaxies are moving away from one another now, it means they were closer together in the past — which led scientists to the idea of the Big Bang. +
++It also led them to realize that the universe may, eventually, end. +
++Further reading: How scientists discovered the universe is really freaking huge +
++There are more than 100 episodes of the Unexplainable podcast. Find the complete archive here. +
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++Reality stars are suing Bravo (and each other) while wrestling with their own reality. +
++Suits may be having a moment, but when it comes to compelling legal drama, Bravo has had the TV genre on lock. The past few years have been rife with court cases: Jen Shah’s fraud case and subsequent prison sentencing made Real Housewives of Salt Lake City appointment TV, while Erika Jayne’s ex-husband’s embezzlement case — the disbarred attorney stands accused of stealing from the relatives of airplane crash victims — gave Real Housewives of Beverly Hills one of its buzziest storylines in years. +
++However, the same court drama viewers have become accustomed to watching on Bravo is currently affecting the network off-screen, as several ex-Bravolebrities are laying out behind-the-scenes grievances with producers through legal means. +
++A sexual harassment lawsuit against Bravo filed by former Real Housewives of New Jersey star Caroline Manzo appears to be stalling a season of the Peacock spinoff Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip. Meanwhile, former RHOBH star Brandi Glanville, Manzo’s alleged assailant, is threatening to sue Bravo for its treatment of her following the controversy. Additionally, ex-Real Housewives of New York cast member Leah McSweeney is suing Bravo and Real Housewives executive producer Andy Cohen for discrimination and retaliation. (She’s also accused Cohen of doing cocaine with Real Housewives, which could become a war of its own.) Shortly after McSweeney’s filing, Cohen’s attorney, Orin Snyder, responded with a letter, claiming her complaint was “littered with false, offensive, and defamatory statements.” +
++There’s also former Vanderpump Rules star Rachel Leviss, who’s surprisingly not attempting to sue Bravo post-Scandoval. Rather, she’s brought a lawsuit alleging eavesdropping and revenge porn against her co-stars Tom Sandoval and Ariana Madix, regarding an explicit FaceTime call Sandoval recorded, which exposed the affair. +
++This isn’t the first time Bravo has been legally confronted over the way shows are made. In 2022, Real Housewives of Atlanta OG NeNe Leakes sued Bravo for racial discrimination (she later dropped it). And last year, former RHONY star Bethenny Frankel made somewhat inconsistent and confusing efforts toward a “reality reckoning,” which mostly manifested in a podcast series. However, her outspokenness about pay disparity, unsafe working conditions, and the general power dynamic between reality stars and producers has clearly had a ripple effect in the Bravo community. +
++But as the Real Housewives universe continues to expand and grow in popularity, stars of these programs are finally wondering who’s responsible for their own reality. +
++Which reality stars are suing Bravo right now? +
++During last year’s SAG-AFTRA and WGA strikes, Frankel announced her efforts toward a reality-TV union in a Variety interview. In August, defense lawyers Mark Geragos and Bryan Freedman, reportedly representing Frankel and other reality stars, sent NBCUniversal (which owns Bravo and Peacock) a formal request to preserve documents potentially relevant to a lawsuit. In it, they accused the media company of “grotesque and depraved mistreatment” and covering up “acts of sexual violence.” (An NBCUniversal spokesperson responded that the company is “committed to maintaining a safe and respectful workplace” and takes “timely, appropriate action” toward complaints.) Since then, Frankel’s claimed she’s “not hiring lawyers” nor suing Bravo but helping other aggrieved reality stars seek justice. While not the first to confront reality producers over working conditions, she seems to have provided fellow Bravolebs a framework for addressing the power dynamics in their workplaces. +
++On January 26, Deadline reported that Manzo was suing Bravo and its affiliated companies — NBCUniversal, Shed Media, Forest Productions, Warner Bros. Entertainment, and Peacock TV — for “encouraging” and “allowing” Glanville to sexually harass her during the filming of the Morocco-set season of Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip. In the complaint, Manzo’s attorneys detail that Glanville allegedly “[held] MANZO down with her body” and “thrust her tongue in MANZO’s mouth” during a party. When Manzo got up to go to the bathroom, she claims that Glanville followed her and continued to assault her. +
++Strikingly, Manzo is not suing Glanville for sexual harassment or assault. Instead, her lawsuit seeks to hold Bravo responsible for hiring Glanville despite her “prior deviant sexual proclivities and sexually harassing conduct” as well as “ply[ing] GLANVILLE with copious amounts of alcohol so that she would act outrageous.” She’s seeking unspecified damages. +
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Santiago Felipe/Getty Images
++Alcohol is also relevant in McSweeney’s complaint, which is already proving to be a larger point of contention among fans. Before she filed court documents, the streetwear founder had spoken publicly about producers’ alleged disregard for her and other cast members’ sobriety on RHONY and season three of RHUGT in a Vanity Fair exposé. +
++In her lawsuit, McSweeney accuses Bravo and its third-party producers of “engaging in guerrilla-type psychological warfare intended to pressurize [her] into a psychological break and cause [her] to relapse.” Most of her accusations focus on producers’ alleged failure to accommodate her “bipolar, depression, and anxiety disorders,” in addition to her alcohol addiction. In her complaint, she references an incident where she was allegedly prohibited from leaving filming to visit her dying grandmother or else be terminated. +
++Critical commenters on social media have argued that it is McSweeney’s personal responsibility to maintain her own sobriety. But Dan Braverman, an employment law attorney at Romano Law, says her addiction to alcohol can be deemed “a disability under federal, state, and local discrimination laws.” +
++“This would necessitate that McSweeney be provided reasonable accommodations and not be discriminated against or fired for that reason,” he told Vox. While Braverman notes that McSweeney’s status as a contract worker would typically complicate this situation, in New York, where McSweeney has filed her complaint, the City Human Rights Law says that all independent contractors “have the right to receive reasonable accommodations for needs related to disabilities.” +
++Still, some viewers say that McSweeney’s claims are undermined by her past behavior on the franchise. In her first season of RHONY, she says she started drinking again six months prior to filming. A clip of McSweeney encouraging her RHUGT cast members to drink because they were boring her has since resurfaced. Naysayers also point out that she chose to return to Bravo following her negative experiences on RHONY. While this doesn’t automatically disprove her claims — people return to unpleasant job situations out of necessity — it could be used against her in court, according to Braverman. +
++“If McSweeney voluntarily chose to enter this environment again by rejoining the show and encouraging the behavior she is now alleging was discriminatory, the defense could argue that she contributed to some or all of her damages,” he said. +
++Who’s to blame for reality? +
++Still, the overwhelmingly critical response to McSweeney’s claims reflects a moral quandary that’s always undermined the pleasure of viewing reality TV — especially in the Bravo universe. +
++That dilemma has become more pronounced as high-stakes, “earth-shattering” drama has increasingly become the norm and desired outcome on Bravo. But after an explosive cheating scandal that incites cyberbullying or a storyline that culminates in a DUI, who’s responsible for the devastation that’s left behind? +
++As demonstrated by Manzo, McSweeney, Leakes, and Frankel, that question of accountability is partially a legal matter regarding what reality performers are owed. As Braverman noted, most reality stars are independent contractors — not employees, who are more thoroughly protected under federal laws. Nevertheless, legality doesn’t always overlap with morality. Nor do the current state of employment laws negate the ethical problem of reality performers being overworked, underpaid, mistreated, or placed in harmful work environments. +
++Still, the point at which producers are expected to intervene when, say, a Real Housewife has too much to drink remains murky. At the very least, it should probably happen when someone, as Manzo’s alleging, is committing a crime against another person. But what about when someone is destroying their own life? How does production proceed when, unlike McSweeney, a reality star isn’t even aware that they could potentially be an addict and can also continue their alcohol consumption off-camera? +
++The issue has presented itself with Real Housewives of Orange County cast member Shannon Beador, who received a DUI last year following a hit-and-run and was sentenced to three years of probation. For several seasons now, including the latest season 17, Beador’s drunken behavior has been a point of concern amongst her castmates, and she’s repeatedly denied having a problem. +
++This type of personal wreckage makes for “good” TV, which is ultimately good for Bravo. Likewise, producers and editors have seemingly played into Beador’s drinking storyline, drawing comedy from her habit of making inebriated phone calls to her fellow Housewives and forgetting them the next day. Shortly after her DUI arrest, she was also permitted to attend Bravo’s annual convention, BravoCon — her presence being somewhat of a draw for the event. There, she announced that she completed “28 days of behavioral wellness” with an alcohol specialist. +
++Beador has been a thoroughly compelling and enjoyable person to watch outside her troubling drinking habits. However, her story arc represents the risk and subsequent discomfort of capturing someone’s life over a long period of time, which can often illuminate a pattern of dangerous habits and poor decision-making. It’s different from watching a competition show like The Bachelor and Love Island where cast members are placed in a temporary, more controlled setting. On more loosely structured, slice-of-life shows like Real Housewives or Vanderpump Rules, there is an understanding that the cast is partially narrativizing their own lives. +
++It’s common knowledge that these plots are produced and edited to varying degrees. But in the case of having a seven-month-long affair with your close friend’s life partner, for example, those facts can’t really be manipulated. This reality makes Leviss’s lawsuit post-Scandoval a little harder to swallow. +
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Araya Doheny/Getty Images
++Following the scandal, Leviss decided to forgo filming the subsequent season 11. Instead, she launched a podcast called Rachel Goes Rogue, detailing her side of the controversy. She also appeared on Just B with Bethenny Frankel, where she discussed the machinations behind her so-called “villain edit.” +
++Without downplaying the potential harm Madix and Sandoval may have caused in this dirty FaceTime debacle, it’s hard not to view her lawsuit as an attempt to regain control of a narrative where she inarguably cast herself as a villain. Plenty of Bravolebrities are already doing this by way of podcasts and tell-all interviews. But Leviss’s lawsuit represents a new method in which Bravolebs may be handling the dissatisfaction and humiliation they experience on their shows in the future and are already presently doing. +
++For now, it’s unclear whether Madix actually distributed the video, and if she did, whether it was with an intent to harm Leviss. What’s more firmly laid out in the complaint, though, is a power dynamic where Bravo and other Vanderpump Rules cast members benefited from her bad decisions. Overall, it seems like reality stars and fans are still reconciling whether this is an ethical issue or just the inherent bargain of doing reality TV. Maybe it’s both. +
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++Don’t move in with your significant other without discussing these things first. +
++When it comes to major relationship milestones, moving in together is one of the most consequential. Cohabitation forces couples of any age to integrate their lives in perhaps more ways than marriage does. How will you navigate each other’s habits and routines? Who pays for which bill? How can you take time for yourself in an 800-square-foot apartment? +
++More people than ever before are living with a romantic partner. Over half of adults ages 18 to 44 have lived with a partner without being married. Among all age cohorts, those aged 25 to 34 were more likely to cohabitate, with 17 percent of those in that age group living with their partner. In 2022, 18 percent of first-time homebuyers were unmarried couples. +
++There are two paths to cohabitation, says Galena Rhoades, a research professor and director of the Family Research Center at the University of Denver: sliding and deciding. Couples who decide to move in have made a conscious commitment to spend their lives together. Those who slide into cohabitation do so based on external factors: your lease is ending, it’s cheaper to live together, they live closer to your job, you want to figure out if you want to be with this person long-term. +
++As a result, Rhoades says, there are some people who end up married simply because they already shared a home, not because they considered it deeply. This bears out in her research: Those who moved in together before getting engaged or married were more likely to be dissatisfied in their marriages or divorced. For this reason, Rhoades says, it’s crucial for couples to have a clear reason why they’re moving in and a plan for how a conjoined life will look, regardless of whether you want to get married. +
++Without a roadmap, couples contend with problems typical of dating — how much time you’ll spend together, dealing with each other’s families — in addition to the conflicts of marriage, like division of chores and finances. Whether or not marriage is important to you, this should be a considered decision. “You’re facing a number of potential areas of conflict,” Rhoades says, “and at a time when you’re not necessarily feeling more committed to this person.” +
++To ensure you’re firmly in the “deciding” camp of cohabitation, there are a number of conversations worth having with your partner about living together. From finances to housework, experts outline what you should consider before pooling your belongings. +
++The emotional realities of living with a significant other +
++If you ask couples how they came to live together, many people respond with “It just happened,” Rhoades says. However, this life change shouldn’t be taken quite so casually. When broaching the conversation about moving in, make sure you’re both on the same page about what it means, she continues. One partner might see cohabitation as a matter of convenience while the other considers it a step toward a committed life together. Have a conversation about your plans for the future, what significance moving in holds, and why living together seems like the natural next step in your relationship, Rhoades says. +
++Once you’ve both decided moving in together is what’s best for your relationship, you might feel overwhelmed with emotion: excited, nervous, stressed. Experiencing anxiety about this life change is common, says psychotherapist Israa Nasir. “We are meant to feel anxious when things are changing,” she says, “because change is uncertain.” +
++Nerves aren’t a sign from the universe that you’re making a bad decision. But you should get to the root of why you’re feeling skittish, Nasir says. Are you embarrassed about using the bathroom in front of your partner? Are you worried about living with your significant other’s children? Bring up any concerns with your partner so you don’t construct stories in your head based on what you think might happen. +
++Other emotional considerations worth discussing center around conflict. Once you’re living with someone, there may be more opportunities for arguments — and fewer places to go to cool off. Lay ground rules for how you’ll let your partner know you’re upset with them, says psychotherapist Alexia McLeod, and how you hope to communicate during the inevitable fight. How long will you step away from an argument before communicating with a clearer perspective? Neither one of you may perfectly adhere to these boundaries when emotions are high, but at least you have an ideal to strive toward. +
++Logistical considerations to keep in mind before moving in +
++Aside from determining your “why” for cohabitating, you’ll need to answer some logistical questions like “where?” and “how?” Ideally, you’ll want to move into a place neither of you have previously lived in; it’s neutral ground. For many people, that may not be feasible due to established homeownership or a volatile rental market that makes moving into someone’s space preferable. Whether your significant other is moving into your home or vice versa, think of it as creating new space together, Nasir says. “It’s really unfair to say yeah, let’s move in together,” she says, “but you can’t keep this here and you can’t do that here.” Move the furniture around to best suit your combined belongings and to refresh the space. +
++If your late spouse previously lived in the home, make a plan with your current partner for how much of your spouse’s belongings or pictures will be in the house, says relationship coach Abel Keogh. “I have some clients that are okay with maybe a few photos being out,” he says, “but I have some clients that don’t want any photos. They don’t want any traces of the person.” Similarly, be clear with how much of an ex’s belongings or presence you’re comfortable with. Don’t be afraid to bring up how you’re bothered by your partner holding on to some of their ex’s clothing. It shows you’re serious about making the living arrangement comfortable for everyone. +
++Aside from the physical space, how you spend time within it is worth discussing. If you’ve spent many years living alone or with another partner, moving in with a new person (and potentially their children) — with unique routines and quirks — may take some getting used to, Keogh says. In addition to talking about finances and chores (more on that later), have a conversation about adjusting to one another’s habits, including how much alone time you expect. What does time spent alone look like for you? Is it recharging in a room by yourself for a few hours or are you satisfied by spending time in silence next to your partner? By setting an expectation of how (and how often) you like to be alone, Nasir says, your partner won’t assume you’re mad at them if you don’t want to hang out all the time. +
++Financial discussions are necessary when moving in with a significant other +
++Whether you plan on opening a joint bank account or not, sharing a home with someone requires frank conversations about money — something couples don’t often do, says financial therapist Stephanie Zepeda. You’ll want to make sure you and your partner are on the same page with money. What is each of your relationships with money? Maybe you have a “live for today” mindset and your partner prefers to squirrel their money away. Maybe your significant other makes much more than you. Maybe you have a lot of credit card debt. +
++Based on these considerations, discuss what the financial expectations in your shared home will be. Will you split the rent evenly or will the person who makes more take on a larger share? Who will pay for which utilities? Whatever breakdown you come to should be realistic for the person making less money, Nasir says. “If you at $250,000 [salary] can afford a $5,000 apartment,” she says, “and me at $60,000 can only afford a $900 apartment, you can’t force me to upgrade and pay most of my salary towards rent.” +
++To ensure the household doesn’t fall into financial precarity, Zepeda suggests making a planned budget. At the start of the lease or year, make a list of all of your planned expenses and create a system for tracking. Apps like YNAB and Honeydue can help you set a budget and track your spending. +
++It’s also helpful to talk about your future financial goals with one another, Zepeda says. Just like partners enter into a fitness routine together, you both might discuss your financial goals, too — and how you’ll help each other reach them. If your dream is to pay down your debt (yes, you should be telling your live-in partner about any debt you owe, Zepeda says), how can you both make adjustments to your living expenses to allow you to put extra money to put toward the debt? “Talking about your hopes and dreams and what you want to do in life and what you think the purpose of life is,” Zepeda says, “is a beautiful way to inspire the budget.” +
++When it comes to combining assets, Zepeda suggests holding off until you’ve had a discussion with your partner about long-term commitment (engagement, marriage, or staying with each other for the long haul). “Even then, I know some folks who, for either practical reasons or emotional reasons, still don’t merge bank accounts,” she says. +
++Have a plan for whatever assets you do bring into the relationship. If you’re intending to move into your partner’s home and you’re a homeowner yourself, will you rent your property or sell it? Where will the money from the sale go? If you’re living in someone else’s home, are you comfortable putting equity into a house you don’t own? “I had one couple who each owned a home and they were dating,” Zepeda says. “She sold her home and moved in with him. But then she put that money from the sale of the home into an interest-accruing account.” Both parties felt sufficiently supported, she says. +
++But if you do, say, purchase a home together or open a joint bank account, be sure to clearly define each of your financial roles, Zepeda says. Who will be the person responsible for paying bills or setting up autopay? Who will handle tax preparation? Who will track joint spending? “Deciding what brand of ketchup to buy is also a financial role,” she says. “Am I going to buy the store brand or am I going to buy the name brand of ketchup?” Be clear with the split of financial duties so it doesn’t all become one person’s responsibility. +
++Division of labor in the household is always negotiable +
++Heterosexual couples easily fall into established gender roles with women spending more time on housework than men. Just like with financial roles, clearly define what chores you each will be responsible for. First, discuss each of your cleanliness expectations: We won’t go to bed with dishes in the sink, we’ll deep clean the house once a week. Then, assign the daily, weekly, and monthly chores based on each person’s — including children — interest and bandwidth. For people with busy daily schedules, perhaps they can handle the weekly maintenance and the person who works fewer hours manages day-to-day responsibilities. +
++If your schedule changes and, say, going food shopping is no longer easy to accommodate, you can (and should) always renegotiate household tasks. +
++Make plans for the worst +
++While it may seem counterintuitive to think about breaking up during an exciting period of your relationship, making plans for worst-case scenarios ensures you won’t be left in the lurch if it does. You don’t need to have a concrete exit strategy, Nasir says, but you may want to keep a savings account only you have access to. +
++If you don’t have plans to get married, McLeod suggests drafting a “contract” of how you’ll divide furniture, pets, and any other shared item in the event of a split. For those who will marry, experts say a prenuptial agreement is worth considering. “I don’t think many people go into a relationship or living situation hoping that it deteriorates,” McLeod says, “but it’s good to have a plan set aside and maybe even discussed, so that there’s this clarity.” +
++In the event one of you may need to act as caretaker for the other, as in the case of illness or aging, you’ll want to clearly outline what you are and aren’t comfortable with, Keogh says. “My older clients, maybe some of them have lost a spouse to cancer,” he says. “Do you want to go through this again?” Communicate what level of caretaking you can reasonably give should your partner get sick. Be clear with what you expect of them if the roles are reversed. +
++Moving in with a significant other is so much more than a change of address. While conflict is inevitable in any relationship, if you take time to align on crucial realities before crossing the threshold, you’ll increase your chances of residential bliss. +