++âInfluencerâ has become one of the most aspirational jobs for kids and adults. What now? +
++When they were 4 years old, Benjamin Burroughsâs kids became obsessed with a YouTube channel called Ryanâs World. The appeal wasnât all that mysterious: In each Ryanâs World episode, a child (Ryan) would open up a bunch of toys and then play with them, allowing viewers to feel like they were playing alongside him. Their obsession with Ryanâs World went beyond the screen; almost immediately, each of Burroughsâs children asked if they could be a YouTuber, too. +
++âWe said no,â says Burroughs, laughing. He and his wifeâs concerns were fairly standard: They felt weird about monetizing their children, they didnât want to create a digital footprint that couldnât be erased, and they didnât want to give mega-corporations like Google or Facebook even more information about their kids. But the experience led Burroughs, a professor of emerging media at the University of Nevada Las Vegas, to begin studying the fascinating, lucrative, and at times ethically questionable world of child influencers. +
++âInfluencerâ is now one of the most desired career paths for both children and adults. A Morning Consult poll found that 54 percent of Americans ages 13 to 38 would become an influencer if given the chance, while a Harris Poll study of 3,000 kids found that in both the US and the UK, if choosing between a teacher, a professional athlete, a musician, an astronaut, or a YouTuber, nearly 30 percent ranked YouTuber as their top choice. +
++So whereâs the line between making safe, informed decisions and crushing your childâs dreams? âOn the one hand, parents can ask, âWhy should I stifle my childâs creativity? They want to share something with the world,ââ Burroughs says. âBut then when it becomes a job, thatâs where it becomes a gray area.â He recommends thinking about what kind of exposure you and your kid are willing to handle. âIs the childâs face going to be on camera? Are they doing voiceovers? Are you showcasing work theyâve done, such as animation? I would put these in different categories,â he says. +
++These were the kinds of questions Sarah Zeiler asked herself when her daughter Ellie started making YouTube videos as a young teen. âI was extremely encouraging,â she says. âI was like, if you love it, you should make it, not just watch other peopleâs content.â Zeiler instituted several rules: no bikinis, no duck lips, and no bragging about stuff you have. But when kids at school started making fun of Ellieâs videos â mostly fashion hauls and other formats popular with teen girls at the time â Ellie quit. Even though so many kids want to be influencers themselves, they can be incredibly tough on their peers who try to make it happen; whether or not they make it as popular influencers, there is an inevitable emotional toll of constant feedback, both online and off. +
++++@elliezeiler + ++@sarahgzeiler following people back on instagram today :)) @ ellie zeiler +
+⏠What You Know Bout Love - Pop Smoke +
+Then quarantine hit and Ellie began posting on TikTok, where her videos immediately went viral. The content itself was standard for the form â she danced, she lip-synced, she wore cute outfits â but her viewers were mostly fascinated by how much she resembled TikTokâs biggest influencer at the time, Charli DâAmelio. Within two weeks, the Zeilers received inquiries from marketing companies, agents, and managers offering to bring her sponsored content deals, but thanks to Zeilerâs background in PR and marketing, she knew they needed to take time before signing anything. It also helped that Ellie was in high school when these opportunities rolled around. âThe reason why it worked was because she was mature enough,â says Zeiler. âShe really understood what we were saying to her.â They waited six months, when Ellie had amassed 3 million followers, to sign her first brand deal. (To this day, Ellie, now 18, is managed by her mother.) +
++Zeiler hopes that parents of aspiring influencers will ensure that their children donât assume theyâll get famous â or, if they do, that it will last forever. âAnybody whoâs gotten to Ellieâs level knows itâs a little bit of luck turned into super-hard work,â she says. âWhat I would say is: Donât quit school, and donât quit your day job until youâre truly making a living for not just months, but years.â Even if they do hit the algorithmic jackpot, itâs important that influencing doesnât become kidsâ entire lives. âHave other things youâre spending time on that you can draw self-esteem from, because thereâs no guarantee with this. We always wanted Ellie to feel like she had the option of not doing it.â +
++Teenagers who spend lots of time scrolling through their TikTok or YouTube feeds may find it difficult to understand that the chances of making a living from posting content is vanishingly small. When Burroughsâs freshman students enter the classroom, many of them say they want to be influencers, drawn in by the imagined lucrative lifestyle of having fun, making their own schedules, and getting free stuff. Yet one 2018 analysis showed that 85 percent of YouTube traffic went to just 3 percent of the channels, and that more than 96 percent of YouTubers make less than the US federal poverty line. +
++Even if money isnât a motivation, itâs only natural that kids will identify and idolize a kid who looks just like them, playing with toys on a screen. Ironically, thatâs how Ryan of Ryanâs World became a YouTuber in the first place â he watched other kids doing it, and he wanted to, too. Burroughs warns that overidentifying with influencers can set up children for false expectations about what real life looks like. âParents should have conversations with their kids to help them be aware that theyâre being marketed to through influencers,â he says. âThey make it seem like itâs totally normal for children to be constantly opening up toys all day long.â +
++Perhaps this, rather than the particulars of a creatorâs career, is what children and teenagers actually long for: excitement, beauty, a life without chores or homework, where the world is made up only of vacations and playtime. After all, who doesnât? +
++This column was first published in The Goods newsletter. Sign up here so you donât miss the next one, plus get newsletter exclusives. +
++Why economists are fighting over whether canceling debt is a good idea. +
++For many of the 43 million Americans with federal student loan debt, President Joe Bidenâs plan to forgive up to $20,000 in debt is unequivocally good news. +
++But in the days since the policy was announced, it has also led to pushback, debate, and controversy â arguments that are likely to be studied for months and adjudicated by researchers for years, if not decades. +
++There are two leading â and overlapping â criticisms of the loan forgiveness plan. One question is whether debt forgiveness is the right thing to do. It asks whether forgiving student loans is the best way to spend an estimated $500 billion, given that some, though not all, of those who benefit have college degrees and relatively high household incomes. +
++The other is about whether debt forgiveness is the right thing to do right now. If households freed from the burdens of their debts spend more money, it could drive inflation higher â meaning that the consequences of loan forgiveness would be borne by everyone, and soon. To dampen inflation, the Federal Reserve is actively trying to get consumers to spend less. +
++Itâs unsurprising that Bidenâs political opponents have raised these concerns. But the criticism has also extended to some economists who have served in previous Democratic administrations or consider themselves sympathetic to Bidenâs goals. âPouring roughly half trillion dollars of gasoline on the inflationary fire that is already burning is reckless,â Jason Furman, President Barack Obamaâs chief economist, tweeted when Bidenâs plan was announced. +
++Not all economists agree with Furmanâs view. But the fact that the inflation debate is happening at all is a sign of how broader economic trends have shifted. +
++The push for student debt forgiveness was born a decade ago in the depths of the Great Recession, when even college graduates struggled to find work. Inflation was low and falling. Itâs become reality under very different economic circumstances, and that shift is part of whatâs fueling the current debate. +
++The first debate: Is loan forgiveness the right thing to do? +
++The Biden administration crafted its student debt forgiveness proposal in an attempt to avoid benefiting the wealthiest families. To be eligible for $10,000 in loan forgiveness, student debtors must have earned less than $125,000 (or $250,000 for a married couple) in the 2020 or 2021 tax years. +
++Students who receive Pell Grants to attend college â meaning they came from low-income families, overwhelmingly earning less than the median household income in the United States â are eligible for an additional $10,000 in debt relief. This is an extra boost for those who started higher education without the safety net of intergenerational wealth. +
++The proposal would entirely wipe out student debt for 20 million people â nearly half of the 43 million Americans who borrowed to pay for college and are still paying the loans back. An analysis from the Education Department found that almost 90 percent of the benefits would go to people earning less than $75,000 per year, though because any loans taken out before July 2022 are eligible for forgiveness, that figure includes current students and very recent graduates whose salaries could rise in the near future. +
++The reaction from Bidenâs opponents has been to call forgiveness unfair, both to those who didnât attend college and to those who already paid off their loans. +
++Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, who would have perhaps the most to gain from a political backlash to the program, called the idea âa slap in the face to every family who sacrificed to save for college, every graduate who paid their debt, and every American who chose a certain career path or volunteered to serve in our Armed Forces in order to avoid taking on debt.â +
++This attitude is in line with how policymakers in the United States have typically viewed higher education. The federal government helps some students from poor families by offering Pell Grants that donât have to be paid back, although the grant, which tops out at just under $7,000, means the majority of recipients still need loans. But the bulk of federal financial aid to students comes in the form of loans. +
++The American system of higher education finance is based on the idea that a college degree primarily benefits the individual who earns it. The federal government issues a small leg up by offering loans at a cheaper rate than a private bank would offer to an 18-year-old with no credit history or a young adult trying to support a family while earning a degree. (The current rate on an undergraduate student loan is just under 5 percent, compared to up to 14 percent from a private lender.) +
++A few assumptions underlie all of this: that most student loan borrowers are young people working toward bachelorâs degrees, that they will graduate, and that the degree will help them earn back more than enough to pay their debts. Hence the pushback against loan forgiveness: Why help out a 20-something who majored in philosophy at an expensive private college, instead of the 50-year-old next door with no degree at all? +
++But those assumptions are no longer always true. Bidenâs plan is intended to fit the reality of the student loan program as it exists today. The lines between those who will benefit from debt forgiveness and those who are left on the sidelines are blurrier than blue-collar versus white-collar, working-class versus middle-class, old versus young. +
++One in five people with outstanding student loans is over age 50, some of whom likely borrowed on their own behalf (including those who pursued graduate degrees) and some of whom took out loans to pay for their childrenâs education. Many student debtors are no longer young adults starting at a four-year college; theyâre older and more likely to attend a community college or for-profit program. An analysis by Mark Huelsman, director of policy and advocacy at the Hope Center for College, Community and Justice at Temple University, found that almost 40 percent of those who entered college in the 2011-12 school year and took on student debt never earned a credential. +
++Forgiveness will be especially helpful to those in default â the terrifying Upside Down of the financial aid system, where, after at least 9 months of missed payments, the Education Department can garnish wages and even Social Security checks in order to get its money back. The typical defaulter did not graduate and owes just under $10,000. +
++There are other versions of the fairness argument circulating. One holds that forgiveness is unfair to those who borrowed but paid off their debts â an argument that could be raised against any social program on behalf of those who were born too early to benefit from it. +
++The counterpoint to these critiques is that critics are holding student debt forgiveness to a fairness standard applied to few other government programs or benefits. Forgiveness could be life-changing for millions of people, especially those struggling with default, the argument goes, while hurting no one. +
++Which is where the other part of the critiques come in. +
++Is it the right thing to do right now? +
++The student debt forgiveness movement emerged about a decade ago from the crucible of the Great Recession. Students were borrowing more than ever to pay for college and, amid the cratering economy, were struggling to find jobs that would help them pay their loans back. +
++In 2012, the unemployment rate for bachelorâs degree holders was around 4.5 percent, and nearly 8 percent for college dropouts and those with two-year degrees. Interest rates were low. A prominent argument against student debt for the next eight years was that it was slowing down the economy: Young adults burdened by debt were being held back from buying homes, starting businesses, and spending money. +
++Few could foresee that by the time forgiveness became a reality, unemployment for bachelorâs degree recipients would have halved, interest rates would have more than doubled, and inflation would be the overriding economic concern. Even in 2019, when loan forgiveness became a serious issue in a Democratic primary campaign for the first time, inflation was rarely mentioned; by the 2020 election, with the economy contracting from the shock of the coronavirus pandemic, student debt forgiveness seemed to have a plausible path to becoming reality as a form of stimulus. +
++In the past year, though, things have changed. With consumer prices up 8.5 percent over a year ago, some economists now argue that debt cancellation is too big a risk. The concern is that, freed from loan debt or facing reduced payments, student borrowers will spend more at a time when the Federal Reserve is trying its best to get Americans to spend less and cool down the economy. +
++How much of an effect this will have â if it has one at all â is the subject of further debate. +
++The federal government paused repayment on most student loans during the pandemic, so millions of borrowers have not had to make a payment on their student loans in two years. The majority of student loan debtors will need to return to making some kind of payment in January, when the pause expires, even if itâs less than they would have had to pay before forgiveness. +
++The student loan pause was always supposed to end eventually, and it will in January. But for the past two years, the moratorium was extended multiple times, leading to an unusual situation: tens of millions of people owed student debt but didnât have to make any payments. +
++Now, this situation is at the heart of the debate over inflation. When economists warn that student debt will drive up prices for everyone, what are they comparing it to? The current situation, where no one is making payments at all? +
++An analysis by Goldman Sachs economists found that the impact of forgiveness on inflation is likely to be offset by most borrowers resuming payments when the student loan pause ends in January. People who have had their loans forgiven will continue to pay what theyâve been paying for the past two years (nothing), meaning that their household spending should be unaffected. But people who owed more than Biden could forgive, or who earned too much to qualify for forgiveness, will have to resume making payments after two years of not doing so, meaning theyâll actually have less money to spend on everything else. +
++Or is the proper comparison an alternate path, where Biden allowed payments to resume for all loans, meaning that more people would owe more money per month than they will under the new plan? +
++Furman estimated that the loan forgiveness plan, even with the resumption of payments for most borrowers in January, could drive up inflation by 0.2 to 0.3 percentage points, compared to the alternative of resuming payments for everyone at their existing debt loads. If inflation continues to rise, prices will become more expensive for all households, meaning that American consumers broadly would pay for the consequences of debt forgiveness. +
++Ultimately, this argument about inflation is also tied up with the concerns about fairness. If student debt forgiveness drives inflation slightly higher, is that worth it? +
++Critics argue that it is not: âStudent loan debt relief is spending that raises demand and increases inflation,â former Treasury Secretary Larry Summers tweeted last week. âIt consumes resources that could be better used helping those who did not, for whatever reason, have the chance to attend college. It will also tend to be inflationary by raising tuitions.â +
++But that position is not universal. âI am not in favor of framing student-loan policy as a lever for managing inflation,â Sue Dynarski, a Harvard professor, an expert on higher education finance, and a former forgiveness skeptic, wrote in the New York Times on Tuesday. âEliminating food subsidies for poor families â SNAP, as the food stamp program is known today â would definitely slow the economy, but that doesnât mean we should do it.â +
++Where do we go from here? +
++One thing virtually all sides of the debate agree on is that one-time forgiveness is not enough. It is, by design, a one-off â siblings from the same family who graduate from college a few years apart, having borrowed the same amount to pay for it, could end up with debt loads that differ by thousands of dollars. +
++The Biden administration is hoping to make income-based student loan repayment more generous, outlining changes that would require borrowers to pay 5 percent of discretionary income per month (down from 10 percent in the current program). +
++But there is currently no federal plan to actually make college cheaper for students, to reduce borrowing, or to hold colleges accountable for whether students can pay off their loans. Thatâs not for lack of ideas or for lack of trying. The Obama administration proposed rating colleges based on the âvalueâ they provide to students, an attempt that ultimately went nowhere. +
++In 2016, both Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton called for the federal government to partner with states to make college tuition cheaper. It inspired many of the same debates that loan forgiveness has provoked â should college be subsidized for everyone, and if so, by how much? But the âfree collegeâ program was ultimately one of the first things dropped from Democratsâ legislative agenda. +
++The scope of Bidenâs student debt forgiveness plan might seem radical. But by leaving the ultimate structure of how American higher education is paid for unchanged, itâs actually a less dramatic departure than any of the alternatives. +
++You moved on from your relationship. Now your family has to move on too. +
++Breaking up with someone is rarely easy, and thatâs even more the case when your family refuses to let go. Maybe your former partner came for all the holidays, and your mom wonât stop talking about the time he saved her dog from choking; maybe your cousin keeps comparing your newest love interest to the relationship that ended half a decade ago. In my familyâs case, my brother-in-law walking out on my sister slashed our family in two: those who empathized with my sister, and those who threw their lot in with her ex. This obviously got complicated because we had spent over two decades falling in love with my ex brother-in-law, but he was no longer the person we met long ago. +
++Ending a relationship doesnât just mean extricating yourself; it can also mean navigating the often messy connections they have with other people in your life. I spoke with four relationship experts about setting clear expectations with family members who are facing their own losses from the breakup. +
++Leaving a relationship impacts the entire family system +
++Ending a relationship takes bravery and a willingness to face reality, says Jessica Ashley, a divorce coach for moms and the author of Divorce 911: How to Handle Everyday Divorce Emergencies. While many of the popular narratives around breakups and divorce are focused on failure and devastation, in truth, she says, it can often lead people to pursue a happier, healthier version of themselves. A relationshipâs end can come after years of suffocating your own needs, especially for women who have often âput themselves so far down the list that sometimes they donât even know what they want.â However, just because you accepted that your relationship did not play out as you envisioned doesnât mean your extended family will easily be able to do the same. +
++Partners are often interwoven into family systems, and there is normally a way of vetting who is let in, says Nikki Coleman, a psychologist and relationship expert who practices in Alabama. Once the ex was able to establish themselves as a trustworthy part of the group, they probably took on some specific roles. âThereâs expectations for them in the group, and all of a sudden you take that person out. The system has to recalibrate itself, and that does not happen overnight,â Coleman says. +
++That recalibration can be confusing. It may take time. You might need to have many sensitive conversations with family members. You may waver on your boundaries yourself, testing your limits with your ex, maybe still hanging out or having sexual relations with them, says Coleman, and you shouldnât judge yourself if you struggle to let go. Leaving the relationship is your choice to make and so are the boundaries you set, and they may fluctuate. +
++Setting boundaries +
++After a split, the first â and most important â boundary to set is how much information you plan to share with family members. âDonât feel like you have to get into all the details of what went wrong or how the person wasnât the right fit for you,â said Coleman. Keep in mind that itâs not your job to convince your family about your decisions; itâs your job to take care of yourself. +
++An easy method you can use to ease family into a routine is to set boundaries for 30 days, Ashley says. Establish a 30-day hiatus from discussing your ex at family dinners. When the boundary becomes a habit, you can extend it. When having the discussion to set the boundary, use clear and concise language: âItâs a tweet. Itâs not a Facebook post your aunt wrote,â she says. âThis is my healthy boundary. And Iâm asking you to respect it. Period.â +
++The family might benefit from a quick explanation of why the boundary is important, says Coleman, who recommends using statements such as, âThis doesnât feel good to me. This isnât helpful for me. There are things about this relationship that maybe you donât know about.â Once boundaries are set, she says to âjust forget it.â You did your part, now you just have to repeat them as needed, clarifying details. +
++When choosing the method to have the conversation â telephone, text, or in person â Ashley says itâs important to ask yourself, âHow does this serve me well?â She recommends you go in âclear, calm, and confident,â with an exit plan âso [youâre] not slamming the door, getting [yourself] all riled up or expending more energy.â Because the conversation can be incredibly emotional, itâs important to have a self-care plan for after, whether that be journaling, breath work, dancing with the music cranked up, or screaming from a balcony. +
++Boundaries are evolving +
++If it feels like you canât be yourself in family situations or are taken for granted, it might be time to renegotiate boundaries, says Coleman. +
++âItâs usually not the person setting [boundaries] that has a hard time [keeping them]. Itâs the people on the other side of the boundaries that continue to push,â Coleman says. Ensure that your needs are interpreted as boundaries and not suggestions by holding people accountable. If they keep crossing lines, that might mean telling them, âIâll see you on holidays. And thatâs it.â +
++There can be room for negotiation if you are open to it, says Coleman. Maybe your ex and your brother have always played baseball on Saturdays. But if you give a family member permission to hang out with an ex, there should be a zero-tolerance rule for discussing your business with your ex or your exâs with you. âThey donât get access to who Iâm dating,â Coleman explains. âWhat else Iâm doing. If Iâm changing jobs. Iâm not part of your conversation when yâall are together. And I donât want you to bring the stuff from them to me.â +
++Of course, âThe rules change if children are involved,â says Rachel Sussman, a psychotherapist and the author of The Breakup Bible: The Smart Womanâs Guide to Healing from a Breakup or Divorce. âIf you have a decent divorce, I have seen parents say to their daughter or son, âFor the sake of our grandchildren, we want to maintain a relationship with your ex-wife or your ex-husband.ââ +
++Ashley believes learning to advocate for yourself and set boundaries can be a powerful model for your children. She says you should think about what you would want your children to do if they were leaving an unhealthy relationship. âWhat would you say to them? What will you want them to know? My hope is that when my children experience [a breakup], they will come to me because they not only know that I have made the choice for us and for them and changed my life when it wasnât easy, but that theyâve seen it in action.â +
++When parents can settle into separate spaces and create appropriate boundaries, it can allow everyone involved to âbuild the health they need,â says Ashley. âThat doesnât mean thereâs not pain and trauma to get there. But in some situations, families can figure out amicable and respectable ways to interact, and sometimes itâs healthier to be separate completely.â +
++Itâs their issues, not yours +
++Often, family members create an image of a person, and we put them in a box, says Coleman. âWhen people violate that box, some of us arenât able to integrate that new information. We just canât make it make sense.â This is especially true when abuse is involved. Our society often portrays abusers as horrible people, so when a family member loves the abuser, when the abuser has truly been kind to them, it can be nearly impossible to align the images. So family members may outright dismiss the abuse. +
++But Sussman says that when family hangs out with an abusive ex like nothing happened, it âis like re-abusing the person.â Still, itâs important to remember that they are the ones with issues, not you. +
++Josh Jonas, psychotherapist and the director of the Village Institute for Psychotherapy in New York City, believes that when a parent or family member knows the abuse youâve been through and still says, ââWell, hey, look, we understand this person did X, Y, and Z, but we like him,â itâs a very narcissistic statement.â +
++This lack of support, Jonas guarantees, is nothing new. âItâs maybe a different flavor, but itâs the same frustration that [youâve] been feeling with [your] parents for decades ⊠Which is, I donât feel understood by them. I donât feel heard by them. They seem to just do what they want to do.â +
++Debating with a narcissist will go nowhere, says Jonas, so you need to give up hope that they will change and take on a new objective: âsolving for calmness.â That might mean that you still see the family member, but the moment you find yourself fighting with them, you make your exit. +
++Coleman recommends being relentless with boundaries toward family who are still in contact with an abuser. If you remain in a relationship with the family member, the question to ask is, âHow do we hold space together as a family when thereâs this legitimate disconnect thatâs happening here? What are the ways that we can be together and still love each other and demonstrate that relationship as family, but also, letâs just be honest, things have shifted.â +
++Holding firm boundaries might mean cutting a family member off, says Sussman, until âyou get to a place in your own growth, in your own recovery, where you can say to yourself, I feel compassion for this person because of their own flaws.â +
++Surround yourself with people who support you +
++âYou canât heal your burns while youâre standing in the fire,â says Ashley. If your family isnât supporting you, find people who are. That may include a therapist, divorce coach, cousin, or mom from playgroup. Just make sure everyone shows up for you so you can thrive. +
++âDonât let divorce be your personality,â says Ashley. âYou still get to go to book club and have political discussions and be who you are with those people outside of your divorce.â Distance yourself from anyone who wants to linger on breakup drama or cause more. +
++Healing from a breakup takes time, but learning to advocate for yourself and set boundaries can be deeply empowering. When my sister started her new life as a single mom, she clearly stated her needs to each family member, then she went and lived her life, embarking on a new adventure on the opposite side of the country, rediscovering her passions, finding the joy she lacked during the last years of her marriage. âWe have this great opportunity to say, âHereâs what Iâm changing about my life and hereâs who I choose to be,ââ says Ashley. âAnd that can be big. And it can be incredibly powerful.â +
++Even Better is here to offer deeply sourced, actionable advice for helping you live a better life. Do you have a question on money and work; friends, family, and community; or personal growth and health? Send us your question by filling out this form. We might turn it into a story. +