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<meta content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0, user-scalable=yes" name="viewport"/>
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<title>07 March, 2021</title>
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<title>Daily-Dose</title><meta content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0" name="viewport"/><link href="styles/simple.css" rel="stylesheet"/><link href="../styles/simple.css" rel="stylesheet"/><style>*{overflow-x:hidden;}</style><link href="https://unpkg.com/aos@2.3.1/dist/aos.css" rel="stylesheet"/><script src="https://unpkg.com/aos@2.3.1/dist/aos.js"></script></head>
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<body>
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<h1 data-aos="fade-down" id="daily-dose">Daily-Dose</h1>
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<h1 data-aos="fade-right" data-aos-anchor-placement="top-bottom" id="contents">Contents</h1>
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<ul>
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<li><a href="#from-new-yorker">From New Yorker</a></li>
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<li><a href="#from-vox">From Vox</a></li>
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<li><a href="#from-the-hindu-sports">From The Hindu: Sports</a></li>
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<li><a href="#from-the-hindu-national-news">From The Hindu: National News</a></li>
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<li><a href="#from-bbc-europe">From BBC: Europe</a></li>
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<li><a href="#from-ars-technica">From Ars Technica</a></li>
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<li><a href="#from-jokes-subreddit">From Jokes Subreddit</a></li>
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</ul>
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<h1 data-aos="fade-right" id="from-new-yorker">From New Yorker</h1>
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<ul>
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<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>What Does National Security Even Mean Anymore?</strong> - Talking threats, foreign and domestic, with Mark Milley, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. - <a href="https://www.newyorker.com/news/letter-from-bidens-washington/what-does-national-security-even-mean-anymore-after-january-6th-and-the-pandemic">link</a></p></li>
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<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>The Vaccine Resisters</strong> - Why do so many people say that they won’t be immunized against COVID-19? - <a href="https://www.newyorker.com/news/annals-of-populism/the-vaccine-resisters">link</a></p></li>
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<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Is the Vatican Finally Ready to Get Serious About Women in the Church?</strong> - Stories of American nuns over the past fifty years highlight an urgent need for change. - <a href="https://www.newyorker.com/news/daily-comment/is-the-vatican-finally-ready-to-get-serious-about-women-in-the-church">link</a></p></li>
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<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>What the Coronavirus Variants Mean for the End of the Pandemic</strong> - The virus is mutating—but we can still beat it, one vaccination at a time. - <a href="https://www.newyorker.com/science/medical-dispatch/what-the-coronavirus-variants-mean-for-the-end-of-the-pandemic">link</a></p></li>
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<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>The Civilian Climate Corps Is a Big-Government Plan That All Americans Can Embrace</strong> - Biden’s proposal draws on a New Deal program that created jobs and helped unite the country. - <a href="https://www.newyorker.com/news/daily-comment/the-civilian-climate-corps-is-a-big-government-plan-that-all-americans-can-embrace">link</a></p></li>
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</ul>
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<h1 data-aos="fade-right" id="from-vox">From Vox</h1>
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<ul>
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<li><strong>Trump tells GOP committees to stop using his name for fundraising</strong> -
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<figure>
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<img alt="" src="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/NOrtj2Vab6o7dT0DOjewE3yDeEY=/142x0:2858x2037/1310x983/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/68923607/1304610152.0.jpg"/>
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<figcaption>
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Former President Donald Trump addresses the Conservative Political Action Conference in Orlando, Florida on February 28, 2021. | Joe Raedle/Getty Images
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</figcaption>
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</figure>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
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Trump sent cease and desist orders to the RNC, NRSC, and NRCC on Friday.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="oKZU6S">
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Former President Donald Trump demanded that the Republican National Committee (RNC) and two GOP campaign organizations stop using his name and likeness for fundraising, on Friday, <a href="https://www.politico.com/newsletters/playbook/2021/03/06/scoop-trump-sends-legal-notice-to-gop-to-stop-using-his-name-492021">according to a report from Politico</a>.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="wGkWgg">
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Trump lawyers reportedly sent cease and desist orders not just to the RNC, but the National Republican Senatorial Committee (NRSC) and the National Republican Congressional Committee (NRCC), which are spearheading Republican efforts to retake the Senate and the House in the 2022 midterms, respectively.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="kA88LW">
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The cease and desist effort comes less than a week after Trump’s first major post-presidency speech, at the 2021 Conservative Political Action Conference, or CPAC, in Orlando, Florida.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="XLhnle">
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Trump used his <a href="https://www.vox.com/2021/2/28/22306318/trump-cpac-2021-speech-election-lies">keynote address</a> there not just to reassert his leadership of the party that has twice nominated him for president, but to float a potential 2024 run for president, and to call out by name the 10 Republican representatives who <a href="https://www.vox.com/2021/1/13/22227519/house-second-impeachment-trump-incitement-insurrection">voted to impeach him</a> for inciting insurrection in January.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="JCHaDA">
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He also attacked the seven Republican senators who <a href="https://www.vox.com/2021/2/13/22280838/senate-acquits-donald-trump-impeachment-vote">voted to convict him</a>, telling the crowd, “Get rid of ’em all,” though at least <a href="https://www.npr.org/sections/trump-impeachment-trial-live-updates/2021/02/15/967878039/7-gop-senators-voted-to-convict-trump-only-1-faces-voters-next-year">two of the seven</a> have already announced that they will not run for reelection.
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</p>
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<div id="S0uSEB">
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" dir="ltr" lang="en">
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Trump puts Mitt Romney, “Little Ben Sasse,” Richard Burr, Bill Cassidy, Susan Collins, Lisa Murkowski, Pat Tomney, and all the House Republicans who voted for his impeachment on blast by name – concluding with Liz Cheney <a href="https://t.co/Me5JvoIslq">pic.twitter.com/Me5JvoIslq</a>
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</p>
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— Aaron Rupar (<span class="citation" data-cites="atrupar">@atrupar</span>) <a href="https://twitter.com/atrupar/status/1366163498661785610?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 28, 2021</a>
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</blockquote></div></li>
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</ul>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="W0h674">
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<a href="https://www.politico.com/newsletters/playbook/2021/03/06/scoop-trump-sends-legal-notice-to-gop-to-stop-using-his-name-492021">According to Politico’s Rachael Bade and Tara Palmeri</a>, those Republican defectors are part of the reason why Trump chose to issue cease and desist orders Friday. The twice-impeached former president was reportedly “furious that his name has been bandied about by organizations that help Republicans who voted to impeach him — without his permission.”
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="l0vwsJ">
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Before his pivot to politics, Trump made a career trading on his name: He’s licensed <a href="https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/donald-trumps-13-biggest-business-failures-59556/">everything</a> from Trump steaks to Trump vodka to Trump ties, not to mention a slew of towers in the US and abroad, and <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/steveolenski/2015/11/24/donald-trumps-real-secret-to-riches-create-a-brand-and-license-it/?sh=4af486b23622">made millions in the process</a>.
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</p>
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<div class="c-float-right">
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<div id="hI5Bzx">
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="yt7uJC">
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In February, NRCC finance chair Rep. Darin LaHood <a href="https://www.politico.com/news/2021/02/11/nrcc-republicans-impeachment-darin-lahood-468767">told Politico</a> that the GOP’s campaign arm would stand behind pro-impeachment members in 2022, despite Trump’s public desire to excommunicate them from the party. And NRCC chair Rep. Tom Emmer has <a href="https://www.politico.com/news/2021/03/03/nrcc-chair-trump-primary-challenges-impeachment-473260">encouraged</a> Trump to stay out of GOP primaries.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="eg6C6V">
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Trump’s CPAC speech made it clear that he does plan to intercede in primaries — and if enforced, the cease and desist orders Trump’s camp sent Friday could well be a blow to the GOP’s fundraising efforts heading into the midterms.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="K9t3GS">
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In part, this is because the Republican base remains overwhelmingly loyal to Trump. For example, in a <a href="https://assets.morningconsult.com/wp-uploads/2021/02/24092632/2102103_crosstabs_POLITICO_RVs_v1_AUTO.pdf">Morning Consult/Politico poll</a> in the field late last month, 79 percent of Republicans say they retain a favorable opinion of the former president, and the majority of <a href="https://www.vox.com/2021/2/27/22304757/kevin-mccarthy-cpac-trump">House</a> and <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2021/02/25/politics/mitch-mcconnell-donald-trump-2024/index.html">Senate Republicans</a> have cast in their lot with him as well.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="0C4HEa">
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Additionally, Trump has already proved himself to be a fundraising giant since his election defeat in November last year. His leadership PAC, Save America, raised more than $31 million just in the <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/trump-raised-315-million-in-the-weeks-after-election-day-for-his-new-leadership-pac-filing-shows/2021/01/31/1847c75a-63f1-11eb-8468-21bc48f07fe5_story.html">aftermath of the election</a>, and Trump is reportedly also <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2021/02/27/politics/trump-fundraising-super-pac/index.html">contemplating starting a new super PAC</a> to boost his fundraising power.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="HEM4qZ">
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Trump is also doing his best to channel money from Republican donors through his own fundraising channels, instead of groups like the NRSC.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="Slj7UJ">
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“There’s only one way to contribute to our efforts to elect America-first Republican conservatives and in turn to make America great again, and that’s through Save America PAC and donaldjtrump.com,” he <a href="https://www.vox.com/2021/2/28/22306318/trump-cpac-2021-speech-election-lies">told</a> supporters at CPAC last weekend.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="kt63W4">
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Should Republican donors heed the former president’s call, Trump will likely be able to influence coming elections not just by using his popularity to provide endorsements, but by using his PACs to rival efforts by the RNC, NRSC, and NRCC.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="y1ILAC">
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As of Saturday, however, the RNC doesn’t appear to have been deterred. <a href="https://twitter.com/politicoalex/status/1368301980033163274?s=20">According to Politico’s Alex Isenstadt</a>, the committee sent out a fundraising email invoking Trump’s agenda even after the cease and desist orders went out.
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</p>
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<div id="3U7l5k">
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" dir="ltr" lang="en">
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As reported by <a href="https://twitter.com/playbookdc?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw"><span class="citation" data-cites="playbookdc">@playbookdc</span></a>, Trump has sent cease-and-desist letters to the RNC, NRCC, and NRSC telling them not to use Trump’s name or likeness in $ appeals<br/><br/>But the RNC appears to be ignoring it. They sent out an email today asking supporters for $ to “DEFEND” Trump’s policies
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</p>
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— Alex Isenstadt (<span class="citation" data-cites="politicoalex">@politicoalex</span>) <a href="https://twitter.com/politicoalex/status/1368301980033163274?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 6, 2021</a>
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</blockquote>
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</div>
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<h3 id="4gJ1H2">
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Trump’s exact plans aren’t clear, but he’s making sure the GOP stays his party
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</h3>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="B9ZSsI">
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All the money he’s raking in aside, Trump’s future political plans are somewhat unclear. He has <a href="https://www.politico.com/news/2020/12/14/trump-2024-possible-run-444460">repeatedly teased</a> a 2024 run, and it’s not hard to see him winning the nomination again if his current support with the GOP base holds up.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="vhFZ8E">
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But Trump is also facing a unique set of post-presidential challenges that could complicate that plan — namely, a whole bunch of potential legal problems.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="9rxUV3">
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At the very least, he’s facing <a href="https://www.cnbc.com/2021/02/16/trump-faces-criminal-civil-investigations-after-white-house.html">ongoing criminal investigations</a> by district attorneys in Manhattan and Fulton County, Georgia, and New York Attorney General Letitia James is also leading a civil investigation into potential fraud by the Trump Organization.
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="XrQPdi">
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There’s also a <a href="https://www.vox.com/2019/11/4/20947841/e-jean-carroll-donald-trump-defamation-lawsuit">defamation suit</a> by writer E. Jean Carroll, who accused Trump of sexual assault in 2019, and <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/16/us/politics/naacp-sues-trump-giuliani-proud-boys-capitol.html">two</a> <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/legal-issues/house-members-sue-trump-capitol-riot/2021/03/05/905b3a20-7cf5-11eb-85cd-9b7fa90c8873_story.html">lawsuits</a> by members of Congress over Trump’s actions in connection with the January 6 storming of the US Capitol by pro-Trump insurgents.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="bui5Rd">
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What’s more, Trump is facing potentially precarious financial circumstances in the near future, with a more than $100 million <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2021/02/11/trump-faces-tax-questions/">IRS decision</a> about a tax refund looming and his <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/trump-business-politics/2021/02/23/8b3fea6a-7136-11eb-93be-c10813e358a2_story.html">business</a> in difficulty.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="ZTYl11">
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In short, he could be a bit busy with other things by the time 2024 rolls around — and that’s even assuming he wants to run, as he famously <a href="https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-hates-being-president-hates-losing-and-hates-the-americans-about-to-make-him-a-losing-president?via=ios">hates the actual work of being president</a> and Twitter has <a href="https://thehill.com/policy/national-security/538191-twitter-says-trump-ban-is-permanent-even-if-he-runs-in-2024">made it clear</a> he won’t have his account back to aid him, even if he runs again.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="uoJBOZ">
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For now, however, Trump’s prospective 2024 candidacy has largely frozen out the rest of the field of Republican 2024 hopefuls, and allowed him to consolidate his leadership of the party, <a href="https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2021-03-01/trump-freezes-republican-2024-field-with-hints-of-a-2016-rerun">as Bloomberg explained last month</a>.
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="0pztOp">
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And regardless of what he decides about 2024, Trump’s plans for 2022 are clearer. In February, he <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2021/02/26/politics/anthony-gonzalez-trump-max-miller-ohio-16th-district/index.html">issued</a> his first GOP primary endorsement against a pro-impeachment Republican — Ohio Rep. Anthony Gonzalez — and plans to target other intraparty opponents, such as <a href="https://www.politico.com/news/2021/03/06/trump-lisa-murkowski-2022-474028">Alaska Sen. Lisa Murkowski</a>, the only senator who voted to convict who is also up for reelection in 2022.
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="llb1CC">
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“I do not know where other people will be next year,” Trump <a href="https://twitter.com/Acosta/status/1368307230706139148?s=20">said in a statement</a> Saturday, “But I know where I will be — in Alaska campaigning against a disloyal and very bad Senator.”
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
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Trump promises to campaign against Murkowski… <a href="https://t.co/EjK4H50L21">pic.twitter.com/EjK4H50L21</a>
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</p>
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— Jim Acosta (<span class="citation" data-cites="Acosta">@Acosta</span>) <a href="https://twitter.com/Acosta/status/1368307230706139148?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 6, 2021</a>
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</blockquote>
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<ul>
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<li><strong>When to expect your stimulus check, and other questions, answered</strong> -
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<figure>
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<img alt="A blue and green check features a black and white rendering of the Statue of Liberty, the seal of the US Treasury, and a field for the recipient’s name." src="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/jU3c3FREfWKj7bmZwh6L5TyoI00=/0x0:1053x790/1310x983/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/68923198/AP_21008496361363.0.jpg"/>
|
|||
|
|
<figcaption>
|
|||
|
|
A stimulus check from the December 2020 round of economic impact payments. | STRF/STAR MAX/IPx/AP Images
|
|||
|
|
</figcaption>
|
|||
|
|
</figure>
|
|||
|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
|||
|
|
Congress is about to pass a third stimulus package, including $1,400 direct payments.
|
|||
|
|
</p>
|
|||
|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="f4XgjP">
|
|||
|
|
On Saturday, the Senate <a href="https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2021/3/6/22315536/stimulus-package-passes-checks-unemployment">approved</a> a $1.9 trillion <a href="https://www.congress.gov/bill/117th-congress/house-bill/1319/">stimulus package</a> by a vote of 50 to 49, clearing the way for its final passage through the House <a href="https://twitter.com/CNNPolitics/status/1368263368637812738?s=20">early next week</a>, after which President Joe Biden is expected to sign the package into law.
|
|||
|
|
</p>
|
|||
|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="eXTRml">
|
|||
|
|
That means a third round of direct cash payments will soon be on the way — but there are a few differences from the stimulus bill Congress <a href="https://www.vox.com/2020/12/20/22191834/congress-coronavirus-stimulus">passed in December</a>.
|
|||
|
|
</p>
|
|||
|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="cs4H5H">
|
|||
|
|
Specifically, this round of payments will be quite a bit larger for most of those who received checks previously. Instead of the <a href="https://www.vox.com/22193651/second-stimulus-check-2020-update-when-how-much">$600</a> that was sent out in December, individuals will receive as much as $1,400, depending on their income. However, the income threshold to receive a check will also be stricter this time around, after moderate Senate Democrats used their leverage to <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2021/03/03/biden-limits-eligibility-stimulus-payments-under-pressure-moderate-senate-democrats/">negotiate</a> a lower maximum eligible income with the Biden White House.
|
|||
|
|
</p>
|
|||
|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="dXt8nZ">
|
|||
|
|
Those changes mean that about 17 million fewer people will receive a third round of stimulus payments than would have under the House-passed version of the bill, <a href="https://itep.org/new-estimates-on-senates-slightly-revised-cash-payment/">according to the Institute on Taxation and Economic Policy</a>, but some 280 million people will still be eligible.
|
|||
|
|
</p>
|
|||
|
|
<div class="c-float-right">
|
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|
<div id="H1Vzn8">
|
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|
<div>
|
|||
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|
|
|||
|
|
</div>
|
|||
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|
</div>
|
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|
|
</div>
|
|||
|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="sy35UM">
|
|||
|
|
Here’s what you need to know:
|
|||
|
|
</p>
|
|||
|
|
<h3 id="OeTX2R">
|
|||
|
|
Who qualifies for a $1,400 direct payment?
|
|||
|
|
</h3>
|
|||
|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="buFfhV">
|
|||
|
|
Unlike previous rounds of payments, eligibility for the new $1,400 checks may be determined based on either 2019 or 2020 tax returns, depending on whether you’ve filed yet for 2020 — and whether the IRS has processed your return. In general, the federal government will use the most recent income information it has on file to determine eligibility.
|
|||
|
|
</p>
|
|||
|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="6AmEX0">
|
|||
|
|
Here’s who’s eligible for a payment:
|
|||
|
|
</p>
|
|||
|
|
<ul>
|
|||
|
|
<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="jA776F">
|
|||
|
|
Adults who earned $75,000 or less in their most recent tax year will receive the full $1,400, as will married couples who earned $150,000 or less, and heads of household who earned $112,500 or less.
|
|||
|
|
</li>
|
|||
|
|
<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="tCUzZT">
|
|||
|
|
Adults who earned more than $75,000, but less than $80,000; married couples who earned more than $150,000, but less than $160,000; and heads of household who earned more than $112,500, but less than $120,000, will be eligible for a reduced payment.
|
|||
|
|
</li>
|
|||
|
|
<li id="1RYDmb">
|
|||
|
|
<a href="https://www.forbes.com/advisor/personal-finance/1400-stimulus-check-calculator-new-income-limits/">Online calculators</a> can give you an idea of how much to expect, based on variables like your filing status and number of dependents.
|
|||
|
|
</li>
|
|||
|
|
<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="5OZpm1">
|
|||
|
|
Adults who earned more than $80,000, married couples who earned more than $160,000, and heads of household who earned more than $120,000 will not be eligible for checks.
|
|||
|
|
</li>
|
|||
|
|
<li id="s7YYlS">
|
|||
|
|
Parents will also receive an additional $1,400 check for each dependent claimed on their tax returns. <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/third-stimulus-checks-covid-relief-bill-here-s-how-get-n1259487">Unlike previous direct payments</a>, all dependents — including college students and some people with disabilities, not just children under 17 — will be eligible.
|
|||
|
|
</li>
|
|||
|
|
<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="vG7NJ5">
|
|||
|
|
Undocumented immigrants are not eligible to receive direct payments. Households in which one adult has legal residency and the other does not would be eligible for at least one check, however.
|
|||
|
|
</li>
|
|||
|
|
<li id="lcLayM">
|
|||
|
|
If you didn’t file a tax return in 2019 and haven’t yet done so in 2020, you may be able to use the <a href="https://www.irs.gov/e-file-providers/free-file-fillable-forms#/fd/EconomicImpactPayment">IRS’s free file fillable form</a> to do so in order to receive a stimulus check.
|
|||
|
|
</li>
|
|||
|
|
</ul>
|
|||
|
|
<h3 id="eP68Ox">
|
|||
|
|
When will I receive a direct payment?
|
|||
|
|
</h3>
|
|||
|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="mGNip5">
|
|||
|
|
It’s still unclear exactly when the latest Covid-19 relief package will be signed into law, but it’s expected to happen before <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2021/03/01/politics/stimulus-programs-expiring-deadline/index.html">March 14</a>, when federal unemployment benefits are currently set to expire. That means checks will likely start showing up in the second half of March, depending on a few different factors.
|
|||
|
|
</p>
|
|||
|
|
<ul>
|
|||
|
|
<li id="5wS7aV">
|
|||
|
|
As was the case with the last two stimulus checks, direct-deposit recipients are likely to get their checks the fastest. As <a href="https://www.cnet.com/personal-finance/heres-when-we-think-the-irs-could-send-your-next-stimulus-check/">CNET</a> notes, direct deposit payments began registering in accounts about two weeks after the last stimulus package was passed. So, if the relief bill is signed on the expected schedule, the first payments could start showing up in bank accounts the week of March 22.
|
|||
|
|
</li>
|
|||
|
|
<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="78wmAN">
|
|||
|
|
Physical checks are expected to take about a week longer than direct deposits, and should begin to go out starting March 29 or so.
|
|||
|
|
</li>
|
|||
|
|
<li id="NQASLE">
|
|||
|
|
Lastly, economic impact payment, or EIP, cards could take the longest. The prepaid debit cards may begin to go out the <a href="https://www.cnet.com/personal-finance/heres-when-we-think-the-irs-could-send-your-next-stimulus-check/">week of April 5</a>, depending on when the stimulus package is signed into law.
|
|||
|
|
</li>
|
|||
|
|
</ul>
|
|||
|
|
<h3 id="NKUSXd">
|
|||
|
|
Is there anything I need to do to get a check?
|
|||
|
|
</h3>
|
|||
|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="xp4SH0">
|
|||
|
|
<a href="https://www.vox.com/22193651/second-stimulus-check-2020-update-when-how-much">As Vox’s Fabiola Cineas and Ella Nilsen explained</a> after Congress passed its previous round of direct payments, most people don’t need to do anything to get a stimulus check. If you filed taxes in 2019 or 2020, meet the eligibility requirements, and included your direct deposit information, the payment should show up in your account in the coming weeks.
|
|||
|
|
</p>
|
|||
|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="7tCSwD">
|
|||
|
|
If your direct deposit information isn’t on file with the IRS yet, you can still provide those details using <a href="https://www.irs.gov/coronavirus/get-my-payment">IRS’s “Get My Payment” tool</a> before the latest wave of payments starts going out.
|
|||
|
|
</p>
|
|||
|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="vXxqly">
|
|||
|
|
</p></li>
|
|||
|
|
<li><strong>The Covid-19 stimulus bill, explained in 600 words</strong> -
|
|||
|
|
<figure>
|
|||
|
|
<img alt="Harris, Biden, and Schumer, all wearing masks and dark suits, sit in an ornately furnished room, talking, with documents in front of them." src="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/ghOfwzx71ZRaDoVmJKPzCENtshE=/0x0:3555x2666/1310x983/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/68918250/1300170547.0.jpg"/>
|
|||
|
|
<figcaption>
|
|||
|
|
President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris meet with Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer to discuss the $1.9 trillion stimulus bill. | Stefani Reynolds/Getty Images
|
|||
|
|
</figcaption>
|
|||
|
|
</figure>
|
|||
|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
|||
|
|
Here’s what the bill tries to do — and what’s actually in it.
|
|||
|
|
</p>
|
|||
|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="blseRY">
|
|||
|
|
The Senate on Saturday passed what will be the first big bill of President Joe Biden’s term: a $1.9 trillion Covid-19 relief package. The bill now goes to the House, which is likely to okay it and send it to Biden’s desk.
|
|||
|
|
</p>
|
|||
|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="r1eEoD">
|
|||
|
|
The first thing that’s notable about the bill is how absolutely massive it is. At $1.9 trillion, the cost comes in at roughly double the stimulus package that President Barack Obama signed into law during the Great Recession in 2009. And that’s after Congress separately approved <a href="https://voxcom.cmail20.com/t/d-l-qvijhd-ssiuphk-t/">$2.2 trillion</a> and <a href="https://voxcom.cmail20.com/t/d-l-qvijhd-ssiuphk-i/">$900 billion</a> relief bills last year. This all adds up to a huge, unprecedented undertaking to shore up the economy.
|
|||
|
|
</p>
|
|||
|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="pevlDU">
|
|||
|
|
According to some analyses, the latest relief bill could actually put the economy in even stronger shape than it was before the Covid-19 pandemic, at least temporarily. The Brookings Institution <a href="https://voxcom.cmail20.com/t/d-l-qvijhd-ssiuphk-d/">projected</a> the impact of the legislation (as proposed by Biden, so there are some differences with the congressional bill) compared to no additional support, summarizing its findings in this chart:
|
|||
|
|
</p>
|
|||
|
|
<figure class="e-image">
|
|||
|
|
<img alt="A chart showing the impact of President Joe Biden’s proposed stimulus package." src="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/z7k75kq5h_kjEKZmh28IxGJ5e5w=/800x0/filters:no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/22348276/brookings_stimulus.png"/> <cite><a class="ql-link" href="https://www.brookings.edu/blog/up-front/2021/01/28/the-macroeconomic-implications-of-bidens-1-9-trillion-fiscal-package/" target="_blank">Brookings Institution</a></cite>
|
|||
|
|
</figure>
|
|||
|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="peSugs">
|
|||
|
|
The bill accomplishes this through diverse policies — simultaneously combating the pandemic, stimulating the economy and filling the hole left in it by Covid-19, and <a href="https://voxcom.cmail20.com/t/d-l-qvijhd-ssiuphk-k/">providing broader economic relief to Americans</a>.
|
|||
|
|
</p>
|
|||
|
|
<div class="c-float-right">
|
|||
|
|
<div id="PnLRkV">
|
|||
|
|
<div>
|
|||
|
|
|
|||
|
|
</div>
|
|||
|
|
</div>
|
|||
|
|
</div>
|
|||
|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="TjAE11">
|
|||
|
|
Here are the major items likely to make it in the bill:
|
|||
|
|
</p>
|
|||
|
|
<ul>
|
|||
|
|
<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="yKR2Gp">
|
|||
|
|
<strong>$1,400 stimulus checks to most Americans:</strong> The full checks will go to individuals making up to $75,000 a year and couples filing jointly making up to $150,000 a year, including adult dependents for the first time. But the phaseout beyond those limits will be quicker than the previous $600 checks.
|
|||
|
|
</li>
|
|||
|
|
<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="852lkk">
|
|||
|
|
<strong>A continued $300-a-week boost to unemployment insurance: </strong>Those getting jobless benefits will continue to get an extra $300 through September 6, and the first $10,200 in benefits won’t be taxable, retroactively, for households with incomes under $150,000. The increase in benefits was set to expire on March 14 otherwise.
|
|||
|
|
</li>
|
|||
|
|
<li id="t56z2x">
|
|||
|
|
<strong>A boost to the child tax credit and other tax credits:</strong> The <a href="https://voxcom.cmail20.com/t/d-l-qvijhd-ssiuphk-o/">child tax credit</a> will go up to $3,600 for children under 6 and $3,000 for children up to 17, and more people will fully qualify. Other tax credits, like the child and dependent care tax credit and earned income tax credit, get boosts too.
|
|||
|
|
</li>
|
|||
|
|
<li id="i51muT">
|
|||
|
|
<strong>Funding for K-12 schools and higher education:</strong> About $170 billion is geared toward helping schools reopen, while also providing relief to students and trying to address concerns over “<a href="https://voxcom.cmail20.com/t/d-l-qvijhd-ssiuphk-b/">learning loss</a>” as schools shut down in the last year.
|
|||
|
|
</li>
|
|||
|
|
<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="6quZpH">
|
|||
|
|
<strong>Improved access to health care:</strong> The bill includes a boost to individual marketplace tax subsidies under the Affordable Care Act (a.k.a. Obamacare), additional incentives for states to expand Medicaid, and extra subsidies for COBRA, which continues health coverage for people who recently lost their jobs.
|
|||
|
|
</li>
|
|||
|
|
<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="TIYzFn">
|
|||
|
|
<strong>Public health efforts against Covid-19:</strong> With tens of billions in new funding, the legislation supports coronavirus testing and contact tracing, vaccines, and increasing the size of the public health workforce.
|
|||
|
|
</li>
|
|||
|
|
<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="Bg7lTw">
|
|||
|
|
<strong>Relief for state, local, and tribal governments:</strong> After a year in which some jurisdictions saw tax revenues drop and budgets tighten, the relief package will provide $350 billion to help them.
|
|||
|
|
</li>
|
|||
|
|
</ul>
|
|||
|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="sdLMyt">
|
|||
|
|
One thing that won’t make it in: <strong>a $15 minimum wage hike</strong>. The Senate parliamentarian ruled the hike is not allowed under the reconciliation process Congress is using to pass the bill. And even if the hike survived the rules, Senate moderates Joe Manchin (D-WV) and Kyrsten Sinema (D-AZ) — crucial swing votes — opposed and voted against the idea.
|
|||
|
|
</p>
|
|||
|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="UQfd8L">
|
|||
|
|
Still, the remaining measures in the bill — adding up to that whopping $1.9 trillion cost — will certainly boost the economy and anti-Covid-19 efforts as the pandemic (<a href="https://voxcom.cmail20.com/t/d-l-qvijhd-ssiuphk-n/">hopefully</a>) reaches an end. It’s a truly wide-ranging effort to help Americans as quickly as possible after a year marked by so much suffering.
|
|||
|
|
</p></li>
|
|||
|
|
</ul>
|
|||
|
|
<h1 data-aos="fade-right" id="from-the-hindu-sports">From The Hindu: Sports</h1>
|
|||
|
|
<ul>
|
|||
|
|
<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Indian women’s team suffers heavy loss on return to international cricket</strong> - Asked to bat, India never got the momentum it needed and could only manage 177 for nine.</p></li>
|
|||
|
|
<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Former Indian Premier League COO Sundar Raman named consultant for Chennai Super Kings</strong> - The sources said the chief executive officer (CEO) K S Viswanathan would be the head on the cricket front.</p></li>
|
|||
|
|
<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Shastri on bio-bubble: Building bonds, talking cricket, understanding each other</strong> - Washington Sundar should start batting in the top four for Tamil Nadu across formats, suggested Shastri.</p></li>
|
|||
|
|
<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Indian Premier League 2021 — Full schedule of matches, venues</strong> - Defending champion Mumbai Indians will take on Royal Challengers Bangalore in Chennai on April 9.</p></li>
|
|||
|
|
<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>IPL 2021 to begin in Chennai on April 9 without spectators</strong> - Defending champion Mumbai Indians will take on Royal Challengers Bangalore at the MA Chidambaram stadium in Chennai on April 9</p></li>
|
|||
|
|
</ul>
|
|||
|
|
<h1 data-aos="fade-right" id="from-the-hindu-national-news">From The Hindu: National News</h1>
|
|||
|
|
<ul>
|
|||
|
|
<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>COVID-19 negatively affected women’s income, health, security, says UN Women’s top official</strong> - Issue of care burden on women is not a family or an individual issue, but a public policy one, says Anita Bhatia.</p></li>
|
|||
|
|
<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Farmers’ protest | You are up against people who are expert at dividing you, says Jayant Chaudhary</strong> - Jayant Chaudhary was addressing a Kisan Panchayat organised by RLD in Dhikoli village of Baghpat.</p></li>
|
|||
|
|
<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>West Bengal Assembly elections | Mamata Banerjee asks Jharkhand CM to campaign for her; JMM to decide on it</strong> - Jharkhand Chief Minister Hemant Soren has been requested by Trinamool Congress chief Mamata Banerjee to campaign for her in the West Bengal Assembly</p></li>
|
|||
|
|
<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Move to privatise VSP brought rival parties on same platform, says CPI(M)</strong> - ‘Steel plant issue will influence voters in GVMC polls’</p></li>
|
|||
|
|
<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>All-women crew of MT Swarna Krishna makes history</strong> - This is the first time in the world maritime history that a ship is being sailed by all women officers</p></li>
|
|||
|
|
</ul>
|
|||
|
|
<h1 data-aos="fade-right" id="from-bbc-europe">From BBC: Europe</h1>
|
|||
|
|
<ul>
|
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<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Pope Francis visits regions of Iraq once held by Islamic State</strong> - The Roman Catholic leader visits Mosul, the former stronghold of the Islamic State group.</p></li>
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<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Covid-19: Australia asks European Commission to review Italy’s vaccine block</strong> - A row with drug firm AstraZeneca has caused Italy to block 250,000 doses to be sent to Australia.</p></li>
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<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Covid-19: Cyprus and Portugal want to welcome vaccinated UK tourists from May</strong> - It is not yet clear how visitors will be required to prove they have received both doses of a jab.</p></li>
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<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Stormont signer’s children passing on their skills</strong> - Stormont signer Kristina Sinclair’s children use sign language despite not having hearing difficulties.</p></li>
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<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Ukraine holds borscht soup fest with political flavour</strong> - Ukraine seeks Unesco status for its beetroot soup - but Russians and Poles call it theirs too.</p></li>
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</ul>
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<h1 data-aos="fade-right" id="from-ars-technica">From Ars Technica</h1>
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<ul>
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<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Facebook’s new AI teaches itself to see with less human help</strong> - This new approach eliminates the need for picture labeling. - <a href="https://arstechnica.com/?p=1747769">link</a></p></li>
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<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Tens of thousands of US organizations hit in ongoing Microsoft Exchange hack</strong> - Multiple hacking groups are exploiting vulnerabilities to backdoor unpatched servers. - <a href="https://arstechnica.com/?p=1747745">link</a></p></li>
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<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Review: WandaVision sticks the landing with a very Marvel-esque finale</strong> - But the rumored major cameo failed to materialize, despite two post-credit scenes - <a href="https://arstechnica.com/?p=1747396">link</a></p></li>
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<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>A new type of supply-chain attack with serious consequences is flourishing</strong> - New dependency confusion attacks take aim at Microsoft, Amazon, Slack, Lyft, and Zillow. - <a href="https://arstechnica.com/?p=1747637">link</a></p></li>
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<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>We’re living on a planet of ants</strong> - A new book looks at the amazing behaviors of ants and the people who study them. - <a href="https://arstechnica.com/?p=1747602">link</a></p></li>
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</ul>
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<h1 data-aos="fade-right" id="from-jokes-subreddit">From Jokes Subreddit</h1>
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<ul>
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<li><strong>A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink. “Is everything okay, pal?” the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wasn’t going to talk to me for a month.”</strong> - <!-- SC_OFF -->
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<div class="md">
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
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Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know… a little peace and quiet?”
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
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“Yeah. But today is the last day…”
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</p>
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</div>
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<!-- SC_ON -->
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"> submitted by <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/ClutchingMyTinkle"> /u/ClutchingMyTinkle </a> <br/> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/lzmeuw/a_guy_sits_down_at_the_bar_and_orders_drink_after/">[link]</a></span> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/lzmeuw/a_guy_sits_down_at_the_bar_and_orders_drink_after/">[comments]</a></span></p></li>
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<li><strong>A retired man purchased a home near a high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began…</strong> - <!-- SC_OFF -->
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<div class="md">
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
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…One afternoon early into the first semester, three loud young boys came down his street, beating merrily on every bin they came across. They then did so the following day and the day after that, until finally the retiree decided it was time to take some action.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
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The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the boys as they banged their way down the street.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
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Stopping them, he said, “You kids are a lot of fun. I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I’ll give you each a dollar if you’ll promise to come around every day and do your thing.”
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
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The boys were more than happy and continued to bang the bins every day on their walk home.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
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After a week, the old man walked out and greeted the kids again. However this time, he didn’t have a smile on his face.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
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“This recession’s really putting a big dent in my income.” he told them. “I’m going to have to cut it down to 50¢ a day to keep you kids banging the bins.” The kids were obviously unimpressed but they accepted the reduction in payment and continued their afternoon activities.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
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A few days later, the man approached them again. “Look,” he said, “I haven’t received my retirement checks yet so I’m not going to be able to give you more than 25¢ to bang on the bins. Will that be okay?”
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
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“That’s it!?” the ‘drum leader’ exclaimed. “If you think we’re going to waste our time beating these around for 25¢ a day, you’re nuts! No way, mister. We quit!”
|
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</p>
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
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And the man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days…
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</p>
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</div>
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<!-- SC_ON -->
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"> submitted by <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/ClutchingMyTinkle"> /u/ClutchingMyTinkle </a> <br/> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/lzmnlh/a_retired_man_purchased_a_home_near_a_high_school/">[link]</a></span> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/lzmnlh/a_retired_man_purchased_a_home_near_a_high_school/">[comments]</a></span></p></li>
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<li><strong>A man picks up a hitchhiker on the side of the road</strong> - <!-- SC_OFF -->
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<div class="md">
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
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The hitchhiker says, " I’m surprised you picked me up. I could’ve been a serial killer."
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
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The driver responded, “The chance of two serial killers being in the same car is astronomical.”
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</p>
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</div>
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<!-- SC_ON -->
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"> submitted by <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/reqostsluethdot"> /u/reqostsluethdot </a> <br/> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/lzditw/a_man_picks_up_a_hitchhiker_on_the_side_of_the/">[link]</a></span> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/lzditw/a_man_picks_up_a_hitchhiker_on_the_side_of_the/">[comments]</a></span></p></li>
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<li><strong>A man in Alberta wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof.</strong> - <!-- SC_OFF -->
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<div class="md">
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
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So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough..there’s an ad for “Alberta Bear Removers.” He calls the number and the man says he’ll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He’s got a ladder, a baseball bat, 12-gauge shotgun, and a mean heavily scarred old pit bull.
|
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</p>
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
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“What are you going to do?” the homeowner asks.
|
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</p>
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
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“I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I’m going to go up there and I’ll knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.”
|
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</p>
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
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He then hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
|
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</p>
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
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|
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“What’s the shotgun for?” asks the homeowner.
|
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</p>
|
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<hr/>
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
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“If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog.”
|
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</p>
|
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</div>
|
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<!-- SC_ON -->
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"> submitted by <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/APurpleFlyingMonkey"> /u/APurpleFlyingMonkey </a> <br/> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/lzi2yz/a_man_in_alberta_wakes_up_one_morning_to_find_a/">[link]</a></span> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/lzi2yz/a_man_in_alberta_wakes_up_one_morning_to_find_a/">[comments]</a></span></p></li>
|
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|
|
<li><strong>Three new cellmates are contemplating their life sentences in prison.</strong> - <!-- SC_OFF -->
|
|||
|
|
<div class="md">
|
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|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
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|
|
The first guy pulls out a deck of playing cards and says, “Don’t worry, guys. I brought these cards with me so that we can play poker to pass the time.”
|
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|
|
</p>
|
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|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
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|
|
The second guy pulls out a harmonica and says, “I brought this harmonica so that I can play some music to cheer us up when we’re feeling down.”
|
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|
|
</p>
|
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|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
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|
|
The third guy pulls out a box of tampons.
|
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|
|
</p>
|
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|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
|||
|
|
“What the hell are we supposed to do with those!?” ask the first two.
|
|||
|
|
</p>
|
|||
|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
|||
|
|
“Well, it says on the back that I can ride, swim, ski, and play tennis with these.”
|
|||
|
|
</p>
|
|||
|
|
</div>
|
|||
|
|
<!-- SC_ON -->
|
|||
|
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"> submitted by <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/blackshadowed"> /u/blackshadowed </a> <br/> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/lzmskg/three_new_cellmates_are_contemplating_their_life/">[link]</a></span> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/lzmskg/three_new_cellmates_are_contemplating_their_life/">[comments]</a></span></p></li>
|
|||
|
|
</ul>
|
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|
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