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<title>15 February, 2024</title>
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<title>Daily-Dose</title><meta content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0" name="viewport"/><link href="styles/simple.css" rel="stylesheet"/><link href="../styles/simple.css" rel="stylesheet"/><style>*{overflow-x:hidden;}</style><link href="https://unpkg.com/aos@2.3.1/dist/aos.css" rel="stylesheet"/><script src="https://unpkg.com/aos@2.3.1/dist/aos.js"></script></head>
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<h1 data-aos="fade-down" id="daily-dose">Daily-Dose</h1>
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<h1 data-aos="fade-right" data-aos-anchor-placement="top-bottom" id="contents">Contents</h1>
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<ul>
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<li><a href="#from-new-yorker">From New Yorker</a></li>
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<li><a href="#from-vox">From Vox</a></li>
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<li><a href="#from-the-hindu-sports">From The Hindu: Sports</a></li>
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<li><a href="#from-the-hindu-national-news">From The Hindu: National News</a></li>
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<li><a href="#from-bbc-europe">From BBC: Europe</a></li>
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<li><a href="#from-ars-technica">From Ars Technica</a></li>
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<li><a href="#from-jokes-subreddit">From Jokes Subreddit</a></li>
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</ul>
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<h1 data-aos="fade-right" id="from-new-yorker">From New Yorker</h1>
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<ul>
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<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>The Trauma of Giving Birth in Gaza</strong> - An obstetrician who just returned from the war zone describes what the Israeli bombardment has meant for maternal care. - <a href="https://www.newyorker.com/news/q-and-a/the-trauma-of-giving-birth-in-gaza">link</a></p></li>
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<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Is the Media Prepared for an Extinction-Level Event?</strong> - Ads are scarce, search and social traffic is dying, and readers are burned out. The future will require fundamentally rethinking the press’s relationship to its audience. - <a href="https://www.newyorker.com/news/the-weekend-essay/is-the-media-prepared-for-an-extinction-level-event">link</a></p></li>
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<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>The Friendship Challenge</strong> - How envy destroyed the perfect connection between two teen-age girls. - <a href="https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2024/02/12/the-friendship-challenge">link</a></p></li>
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<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>The Art World Before and After Thelma Golden, by Calvin Tomkins</strong> - When Golden was a young curator in the nineties, her shows, centering Black artists, were unprecedented. Today, those artists are the stars of the art market. - <a href="https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2024/02/12/the-art-world-before-and-after-thelma-golden">link</a></p></li>
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<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>A Teen’s Fatal Plunge Into the London Underworld</strong> - After Zac Brettler mysteriously plummeted into the Thames, his grieving parents were shocked to learn that he’d been posing as an oligarch’s son. Would the police help them solve the puzzle of his death? - <a href="https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2024/02/12/a-teens-fatal-plunge-into-the-london-underworld">link</a></p></li>
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</ul>
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<h1 data-aos="fade-right" id="from-vox">From Vox</h1>
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<ul>
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<li><strong>In The Book of Love, Kelly Link shows that the best romances are ghost stories too</strong> -
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<img alt="The cover of “The Book of Love” by Kelly Link has a red background and a pattern of gold moons in phases of waxing and waning." src="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/mRlzxM9rcJn6cv2fv0TDrl1tC9Y=/0x0:1847x1385/1310x983/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/73141204/9780812996586.0.jpg"/>
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<figcaption>
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<em>The Book of Love</em> by Kelly Link. | Random House
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</figcaption>
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</figure>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
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The first novel by the acclaimed short-story writer is magical, strange, and just a tad too slow.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="GPiVla">
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<a href="https://go.skimresources.com?id=1025X1701643&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Fbookshop.org%2Fp%2Fbooks%2Fthe-book-of-love-kelly-link%2F20099222%3Fean%3D9780812996586"><em>The Book of Love</em></a>, Kelly Link’s first novel, is a love story, yes. It’s also a ghost story, and a coming-of-age story, and a portrait of a small town. It’s about magic and music and morality. It’s about how annoying siblings are, and how much you need them. It is a book that contains many books, that is bigger than the sum of its many parts. It is also, perhaps, a book that should have been a touch smaller.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="bWeCOf">
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<em>The Book of Love</em> begins with three teenagers back from the dead: Type A Laura, eternal elder brother Daniel, inquisitive Mo. They have been in some strange limbo, “a blotted, attenuated, chilly nothingness,” for almost a year. They can’t remember how they died. They don’t understand how they happened to come back.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="yVX8sV">
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Their old music teacher, the enigmatic Mr. Anabin, seems to have some answers, but he’s not willing to tell them much. Instead, he puts them through a series of trials, informing them that if they don’t complete their tasks successfully, they will doubtless find themselves back in limbo. Helpfully, Mr. Anabin also enchants all the revenants’ friends and families so that they believe them to have been studying abroad instead of dead — although Susannah, Laura’s rebellious sister and Daniel’s ex-girlfriend, seems to cherish some suspicions despite all the magic.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="wccjcf">
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The mystery of what happened to the three teenagers provides Link with the skeleton of a plot, but she is almost palpably uninterested in solving it. Link, <a href="https://www.vox.com/culture/23672639/white-cat-black-dog-kelly-link-review">a MacArthur “genius” grant recipient and Pulitzer finalist for her short stories</a>, seems to be most invested in atmosphere and character work, and she’s developed an ideal showcase for both skills with her setting for <em>The Book of Love</em>: the small town of Lovesend.
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="k1FBfP">
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Lovesend is a seaside town in Massachusetts. The local club is built out of a plane hangar on the cliffs made iconic for its indoor carousel; the food is mediocre. The coffee shop is called What Hast Thou Ground, and its owner has a policy of cultivating good coffee and a bad atmosphere so people don’t linger too long. Music always seems to be playing somewhere, as though Lovesend is Prospero’s Island. The place is already a little strange, a little unearthly, long before magic arrives.
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After that, statues start climbing off their plinths and walking around and people start climbing onto the plinths and turning into statues. There’s a boy who turns into moths and seagulls. There’s a cat who, grooming itself, begins to swallow its leg, and then keeps going, swallowing its whole body until it has swallowed even its smile, “rosy wet gullet snapping together like a fanged coin purse,” a kind of nightmarishly fleshy Cheshire Cat.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="BNsXrg">
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As wonders and horrors fight their way across the page, Link moves from character to character. Each chapter of this novel is given an almost biblical “book of” title — The Book of Laura, the Book of Susannah, the Book of Lovesend. The bulk of the novel is given over to the book of the main characters, but Link periodically turns the pages to the books of some of the other citizens of Lovesend, like a man who’s been turned into a tiger or a teen lesbian on whom Laura is madly crushing.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="jwy73J">
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Most beautiful and effective of all is The Book of Maryanne, Mo’s grandmother, a rushing kaleidoscope of a chapter that follows Maryanne throughout her life. We see her early career as a Black romance novelist writing white heroines under a pen name, her successes and her failures, the loss of her daughter and the arrival of Mo. “Time,” thinks Maryanne, “is a row of small and hateful stitches.”
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="0kZpJe">
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It’s hard not to think, looking at The Book of Maryanne, of a very brief and strange and beautiful short story, the kind at which Link excels. She’s been writing for decades now, but <em>The Book of Love</em> is her first novel. Chapters like The Book of Maryanne make me wonder if <em>The Book of Love</em> would not have felt a little more beautiful and more magical as a novel in stories rather than the sprawling 625-page saga Link has delivered us. Occasionally, you feel a little stab of discomfort with the form as you go.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="E9fsH8">
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This is a slow-moving book. It takes 89 pages for Mo, Laura, and Daniel to make their way through their first night back from the dead, and 125 pages after that for a single character to discover any answers about the central mysteries. Then that character promptly gets their memory magically revised, a move Link repeats so often that it starts to feel almost comical.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="hzOBoC">
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At times the slow place works as a way of exploring this richly textured small town, these deeply realized love stories. At other times it feels willfully slow, information withheld for no reason until it becomes time for exposition to be dumped inelegantly onto the page. For a writer of Link’s gifts, such clumsiness is jarring. If you’re new to Link’s work, it might be worth checking out her intricate and twisting short stories, a form over which she has full mastery, before you come to this odd novel.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="beFz3c">
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Nonetheless, Link’s gifts are fairly extraordinary on their own. If <em>The Book of Love</em> is flawed, it’s also something strange and beautiful and shimmering.
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</p></li>
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<li><strong>Trump’s big day in court</strong> -
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<figure>
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<img alt="" src="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/wqrVMr8cPmb20BfpZ1E2iXEcmOA=/246x0:3446x2400/1310x983/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/73141190/GettyImages_1925057776.0.jpg"/>
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<figcaption>
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Former US President Donald Trump sits in the courtroom during his civil fraud trial at New York Supreme Court on January 11, 2024, in New York City. | Jefferson Siegel/Getty Images
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</figcaption>
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</figure>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
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We’re about to learn how imperiled two of Trump’s prosecutions are.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="uCuBS6">
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Prosecutors in all four of the cases against Donald Trump are racing against time to try to get to trial before Election Day.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="RKggPa">
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But to do so, they each have to clear <a href="https://www.vox.com/politics/24055503/trump-trials-fani-willis-jack-smith-alvin-bragg">a series of legal and procedural hurdles</a> — and soon, we’ll get a better idea of which, if any, will make it.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="vseIXj">
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Today, two of those prosecutions will go in the spotlight via high-stakes hearings where we’ll get a sense of how seriously judges are taking Trump’s efforts to get indictments thrown out.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="DS3My4">
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In Fulton County, District Attorney Fani Willis’s prosecution of Trump for trying to steal Georgia’s 2020 election has been sidetracked by allegations about Willis’s personal life.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="npdL1b">
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Embarrassingly, a judge will hear testimony on exactly when Willis’s relationship with Nathan Wade, a prosecutor she’d brought on to the case, began. One of Trump’s co-defendants has asserted that Willis improperly financially benefited from the prosecution because she’s been paying Wade’s attorney fees, and he’s paid for vacations they took together. Trump <a href="https://abcnews.go.com/US/trump-joins-motion-seeking-disqualify-da-fani-willis/story?id=106686320">wants Willis disqualified</a> from the case.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="HMUVUW">
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Meanwhile, in Manhattan, where District Attorney Alvin Bragg has charged Trump with falsifying business records related to hush money paid to Stormy Daniels, a judge will assess whether to move forward with a planned March 25 trial — or throw the charges out entirely.
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="JRUYFt">
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The New York case is the least substantively important of the four Trump cases, but it’s lately seemed likely to go to trial first because of <a href="https://www.vox.com/politics/24055503/trump-trials-fani-willis-jack-smith-alvin-bragg">procedural delays in the federal cases</a>.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="Y675xJ">
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But there have been questions about whether Bragg’s rationale for charging Trump with felonies will survive court scrutiny — and on Thursday, we’ll get to hear what that case’s judge thinks about those arguments.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="5iRkYL">
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Thursday, in short, could be a make-or-break day for the two state-level prosecutions against the former president.
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</p>
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<h3 id="RfitCt">
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In Georgia, we’ll soon learn whether Fani Willis stays on the case
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="RlKpt3">
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When Willis had Trump and 18 co-defendants indicted last August, her case was widely hailed as the most sweeping effort to hold him and his allies to account for the attempted 2020 election theft. Four of those defendants have already pleaded guilty.
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="JPuWjQ">
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But another defendant, Michael Roman — a former Trump <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/national-security/2024/02/02/mike-roman-trump-georgia-election-case-fani-willis/">campaign opposition research specialist</a> — struck back in a <a href="https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/24352568-roman-motion-to-dimiss-010824">filing from his attorney</a> arguing that Willis should be removed from the case.
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="RK4Wix">
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Roman’s attorney asserted that Willis and Wade had a “clandestine personal relationship,” and argued that was inappropriate for a few reasons: asserting Wade was unqualified for the job, that Willis overpaid him, and that she benefited financially from his hiring when he paid for vacations they took together.
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In response, Willis’s office claimed there was no impropriety. Wade said in an affidavit that he’d indeed “developed a personal relationship” with Willis — but only after he joined the investigation in 2022. (Roman’s attorney fired back by saying she had a witness who would testify otherwise.)
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="EVeFFs">
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On Monday, Judge Scott McAfee gave some insight into how he’d approach the topic. “I think it’s possible that the facts alleged by the defendant could result in disqualification,” he said. But, he went on, Wade’s qualifications for the job weren’t relevant. The key question, in his view, was whether “a personal relationship resulted in a financial benefit to the district attorney.”
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="m13ACf">
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To assess that, he said, he wanted to determine when the relationship between Willis and Wade formed and whether it is still ongoing. If McAfee does decide to remove Willis’s office from the case, the Prosecuting Attorneys’ Council of Georgia would get to choose her replacement — and the case’s future would hinge on whom they choose.
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="wbULlJ">
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So the high-minded case about the sanctity of elections, which will take place Thursday and likely Friday, may now hinge on tawdry testimony about the district attorney’s love life and travel.
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</p>
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<h3 id="3oFA3X">
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In New York, we’ll soon learn whether Bragg’s charges survive
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="YzUiCX">
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Manhattan DA Bragg was the first prosecutor to have Trump indicted back in March of last year, but his case was quickly superseded in the public discourse by the election-stealing and classified documents cases, which were more substantively important. Now, though, it may be the case with the best odds of a speedy trial.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="0lZM3P">
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To recap: In October 2016, Trump attorney Michael Cohen paid hush money to Stormy Daniels so she wouldn’t come forward alleging a sexual encounter with Trump. Trump later reimbursed Cohen through the Trump Organization, with payments he categorized as legal expenses.
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This, Bragg asserts, violated state law against falsifying business records (because they were hush money payments, not legal fees). Some legal commentators questioned Bragg’s rationale for charging these as felony counts rather than misdemeanors. To do so, Bragg had to argue that Trump falsified these records with the intent of committing or concealing another crime.
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="xsmnVW">
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For some time, though, it wasn’t totally clear <a href="https://www.vox.com/politics/24055503/trump-trials-fani-willis-jack-smith-alvin-bragg">even to prosecutors on the case</a> which crime would fit the bill, with some fearing judges could throw out the charges before trial.
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="QVJzmL">
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So on Thursday, Judge Juan Merchan is set to finally weigh in on these questions. Most legal commentators expect him to let the charges stand, but we won’t know for sure until we hear it from him (and Trump may appeal afterward).
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="rN6IFm">
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Merchan is also expected to let us know whether he’ll stick to the March 25 trial date in the case. If he lets both the charges and the date stand, then unless Trump wins a quick appeal, the former president will face his first criminal trial next month.
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="eVMEmD">
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Which means the question of whether Trump will run for office as a convicted felon may hinge on the simultaneously tawdry yet technical matter of whether reimbursements for hush money covering up a sex scandal abided by New York bookkeeping law.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="VCmOJL">
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<em>This story appeared originally in </em><a href="https://www.vox.com/today-explained-podcast"><em><strong>Today, Explained</strong></em></a><em>, Vox’s flagship daily newsletter. </em><a href="https://www.vox.com/pages/today-explained-newsletter-signup"><em><strong>Sign up here for future editions</strong></em></a><em>.</em>
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<li><strong>The Supreme Court will decide if the government can seize control of YouTube and Twitter</strong> -
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<figure>
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<img alt="DeSantis gestures with both hands while holding a press conference, standing in front of a US flag." src="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/9B17ykygBvvUAPcQutphhuRtVdM=/180x0:4020x2880/1310x983/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/73141174/1251934515.0.jpg"/>
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<figcaption>
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|
Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, who signed one of the unconstitutional laws before the Supreme Court in the <em>NetChoice</em> cases. | Paul Hennessy/SOPA Images/LightRocket via Getty Images
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</figcaption>
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</figure>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
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We’re about to find out if the Supreme Court still believes in capitalism.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="r8rN5u">
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In mid-2021, about a year before he began his <a href="https://www.vox.com/23036427/ron-desantis-disney-first-amendment-constitution-supreme-court">longstanding feud with the biggest employer in his state</a>, Florida’s <a href="https://www.vox.com/ron-desantis">Republican Gov. Ron DeSantis</a> signed legislation <a href="https://www.vox.com/scotus/2023/9/22/23883888/supreme-court-social-media-first-amendment-netchoice-paxton-murthy-missouri-twitter-facebook">attempting to seize control of content moderation</a> at major social media platforms such as <a href="https://www.vox.com/youtube">YouTube</a>, <a href="https://www.vox.com/facebook">Facebook</a>, or <a href="https://www.vox.com/twitter">Twitter</a> (now called X by <a href="https://www.vox.com/elon-musk">Elon Musk</a>). A few months later, Texas Gov. Greg Abbott, also a Republican, <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2021/09/09/govgregabbott-social-media-censorship-bill/">signed similar legislation in his state</a>.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="mmoUCf">
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Both laws are <a href="https://www.vox.com/scotus/2023/9/22/23883888/supreme-court-social-media-first-amendment-netchoice-paxton-murthy-missouri-twitter-facebook">almost comically unconstitutional</a> — the First Amendment does not permit the government to order <a href="https://www.vox.com/media">media companies</a> to publish content they do not wish to publish — and neither law is currently in effect. A federal appeals court <a href="https://casetext.com/case/netchoice-llc-v-attorney-gen">halted the key provisions of Florida’s law</a> in 2022, and the <a href="https://www.vox.com/scotus">Supreme Court</a> <a href="https://www.vox.com/2022/5/31/23149183/supreme-court-texas-social-media-ruling-netchoice-paxton">temporarily blocked Texas’s law shortly thereafter</a> (though the justices, somewhat ominously, split 5-4 in this later case).
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="i90ICn">
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Nevertheless, the justices have not yet weighed in on whether these two unconstitutional laws must be permanently blocked, and that question is now before the Court in a pair of cases known as <a href="https://www.scotusblog.com/case-files/cases/moody-v-netchoice-llc/"><em>Moody v. NetChoice</em></a> and <a href="https://www.scotusblog.com/case-files/cases/netchoice-llc-v-paxton/"><em>NetChoice v. Paxton</em></a>.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="FSx0bY">
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The stakes in both cases are quite high, and the Supreme Court’s decision is likely to reveal where each one of the Republican justices falls on the GOP’s internal conflict between old-school free market capitalists and a newer generation that is eager to pick cultural fights with business.
|
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="hAnkFU">
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Proponents of the two laws have not hidden that they were enacted entirely because Republican lawmakers in Texas and Florida believed that social media websites must do more to elevate conservative voices. As DeSantis said of his state’s law, it exists to fight supposedly “biased silencing” of “<a href="https://casetext.com/case/netchoice-llc-v-attorney-gen">our freedom of speech as conservatives … by the ‘big tech’ oligarchs in Silicon Valley</a>.”
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="yVNdXV">
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So, if the Supreme Court were to uphold these laws, it would give Republican policymakers sweeping and unprecedented ability to control what many American voters read about our elections and our political debates. More broadly, the <em>NetChoice</em> cases are a test of how this Supreme Court, with its 6-3 Republican supermajority, views free market capitalism in an era when many of the justices’ fellow partisans view corporate America as the enemy in a culture war.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="BmBN40">
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DeSantis, in particular, is one of the GOP’s leading voices for a kind of reactionary anti-capitalism that is eager to use the government’s authority to suppress voices that disagree with conservative orthodoxy — often when those voices are associated with big businesses — while elevating opinions DeSantis finds more congenial.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="ZV2jSq">
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DeSantis famously signed legislation <a href="https://www.vox.com/23036427/ron-desantis-disney-first-amendment-constitution-supreme-court">retaliating against the Walt Disney Corporation</a> after <a href="https://www.vox.com/disney">Disney</a> denounced Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay” law — a law that is itself an <a href="https://www.vox.com/2022/3/15/22976868/dont-say-gay-florida-unconstitutional-ron-desantis-supreme-court-first-amendment-schools-parents">unconstitutional attempt to suppress speech</a>. He’s also signed legislation seeking to <a href="https://www.flgov.com/2023/05/02/governor-ron-desantis-signs-legislation-to-protect-floridians-financial-future-economic-liberty/">limit investment strategies DeSantis views as too “woke.”</a> DeSantis said he endorsed former <a href="https://www.vox.com/donald-trump">President Donald Trump</a> bid to return to the White House because <a href="https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2023/2/14/23599194/nikki-haley-donald-trump-2024-presidential-campaign">Nikki Haley</a>, Trump’s final rival for the GOP presidential nomination, embodies a “<a href="https://www.tallahassee.com/story/news/politics/2024/01/21/read-transcript-of-statement-from-desantis-suspending-campaign/72304820007/">repackaged form of warmed-over corporatism</a>.”
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="pwzXe9">
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This anti-capitalist Republicanism, moreover, is hardly limited to DeSantis. Among other things, it’s penetrated deep into the Federalist Society — the powerful legal organization that plays an enormous role in selecting Republican appointees to the federal bench. During the <a href="https://www.vox.com/joe-biden">Biden administration</a>, the Federalist Society’s annual conventions have featured an <a href="https://www.vox.com/2021/11/18/22783108/federalist-society-capitalism-woke-corporations-milton-friedman-supreme-court-judiciary-judges">array of paranoid speakers making grandiose claims about corporate America</a>, such as “massive corporations are pursuing a common and mutually agreed upon agenda to destroy American freedom.”
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="nR2O9w">
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The social media laws at issue in the two <em>NetChoice</em> cases place the GOP’s internal conflict between free market traditionalists and MAGA-aligned culture warriors in stark relief. Again, these laws seek to use the power of the government to seize control of private media companies’ editorial decisions. That’s not simply an attack on the “marketplace of ideas” protected by the First Amendment; it’s a direct attack on the market itself.
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</p>
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<h3 id="ZQ4mtd">
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Social media companies moderate content and ban users because they want to make money
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</h3>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="qxqAAg">
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Before we dive into the details of the social media laws at issue in the <em>NetChoice</em> cases, it’s helpful to understand why social media companies often delete content they deem to be offensive, dangerous, or simply unwelcome on their site.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="WgDNvQ">
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The premise underlying both Texas’s and Florida’s laws, which put strict limits on these companies’ power to remove such speech or ban users who engage in it, is that there is, in Abbott’s words, a “dangerous movement by social media companies to silence conservative viewpoints and ideas,” and that the government must step in to quell this supposed movement.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="5JsgDn">
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In reality, there is little evidence that companies like Facebook or <a href="https://www.vox.com/google">Google</a> (which owns YouTube) are engaged in any kind of systematic effort to suppress conservative content — right-leaning posts <a href="https://www.vox.com/recode/2020/7/29/21347128/big-tech-antitrust-hearing-facebook-zuckerberg-amazon-bezos-apple-cook-google-pichai">tend to perform quite well on social media</a>. But it is true that some viewpoints associated with the political right, such as <a href="https://www.vox.com/recode/2021/6/4/22519076/trump-facebook-two-years-oversight-board">support for the January 6 insurrection</a>, tend to be frowned upon by many social media moderators.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="JFTjgV">
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The best explanation for such content moderation, however, is not that <a href="https://www.vox.com/mark-zuckerberg">Mark Zuckerberg</a> is secretly determined to elect Democrats by quieting conservative voices. It’s that social media companies depend on advertisers to make money, and those advertisers demand “<a href="https://www.vox.com/scotus/2023/10/27/23929468/supreme-court-social-media-twitter-free-speech-content-moderation">brand safety</a>” — meaning that they don’t want to advertise on a site that will list their product next to a swastika, a rant against <a href="https://www.vox.com/coronavirus-covid19">Covid-19</a> vaccines, or some other content that is likely to offend many potential customers.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="BQWuwV">
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As the Verge’s Nilay Patel <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2022/10/28/23428132/elon-musk-twitter-acquisition-problems-speech-moderation">colorfully explained</a>, running a profitable social media company “means you have to ban racism, sexism, transphobia, and all kinds of other speech that is totally legal in the United States but reveals people to be total assholes.” These sorts of assholes also apparently have many friends in the Florida and Texas state legislatures.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="ROEhZc">
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Patel’s thesis was recently tested in a very unusual real-world experiment. After billionaire Elon Musk purchased Twitter, he declared that the company would move in a more “free speech absolutist” direction, and restored the accounts of thousands of users who were suspended or banned by Twitter’s previous management. That included the accounts of <a href="https://www.vox.com/technology/2023/2/16/23603155/elon-musk-twitter-worse-degrading-quality-glitches-superbowl-boost-feed">several prominent neo-Nazis and QAnon conspiracy theorists</a>, as well as <a href="https://www.vox.com/recode/2022/11/19/23468634/trump-twitter-elon-musk-ban-allowed-back-president-2024">Trump’s infamous Twitter account</a>.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="mZRzRU">
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This move away from moderating far-right content <a href="https://www.pcmag.com/news/twitter-traffic-on-downward-trend-since-elon-musks-takeover">proved disastrous for Twitter</a>. According to an estimate by the data and analytics company Similarweb, which was released last fall, “in September, global web traffic to twitter.com was down -14%, year-over-year, and traffic to the ads.twitter.com portal for advertisers was down -16.5%.” Other reporting <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/24/business/x-elon-musk-advertisers.html">shows advertisers fleeing the site</a>.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="EIx8hY">
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In fairness, Musk’s management of Twitter has been so comprehensively awful that it is hard to attribute the site’s falling fortunes solely to the reactivation of many previously banned right-wing users. Among other things, Musk’s Twitter tweaked the site’s algorithms in ways that <a href="https://www.vox.com/technology/2023/2/16/23603155/elon-musk-twitter-worse-degrading-quality-glitches-superbowl-boost-feed">elevated low-quality content</a> produced by people who signed up for Twitter’s new $8-a-month subscription service. And he’s <a href="https://www.vox.com/recode/2022/11/16/23461217/elon-musk-twitter-fired-employees-free-speech-contradictions-joke">retaliated against users who’ve mocked him online</a>.
|
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="DWNPIe">
|
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|
Nevertheless, all of these examples of Musk’s poor management support the thesis that a social media company’s profitability rises and falls based on how well the company moderates its content to attract both high-quality users and advertisers. And that means that companies that hope to remain profitable will ban some users who share some opinions that are common within the Republican Party — for reasons that have nothing to do with politics and everything to do with capitalism.
|
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</p>
|
|||
|
<h3 id="WGvRop">
|
|||
|
Texas and Florida’s laws are ham-handed, incompetently drafted, and almost laughably unconstitutional
|
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</h3>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="1P48mY">
|
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|
Both <a href="https://www.supremecourt.gov/DocketPDF/22/22-277/295796/20240116135803764_NetChoice%20Final%20to%20file.pdf">Florida</a> and <a href="https://www.supremecourt.gov/DocketPDF/22/22-555/295811/20240116145554309_22-555%20Brief%20for%20Respondent.pdf">Texas</a> frame their laws as anti-discrimination regimes intended to prevent social media companies from treating certain opinions differently than others. The core provision of Texas’s law prohibits the major social media companies from moderating content based on “<a href="https://capitol.texas.gov/tlodocs/872/billtext/html/HB00020S.htm">the viewpoint of the user or another person</a>” or on “the viewpoint represented in the user’s expression or another person’s expression.” Florida’s law, meanwhile, has a similar provision requiring the biggest social media sites to moderate content “<a href="https://casetext.com/case/netchoice-llc-v-attorney-gen">in a consistent manner among its users on the platform</a>.”
|
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="JEJdQ1">
|
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|
If taken seriously, however, a ban on viewpoint discrimination wouldn’t just make moderation of offensive political content impossible. It would effectively forbid major social media platforms from taking the most basic steps to sanction rude behavior that is likely to drive away users.
|
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</p>
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="TBfORF">
|
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|
Suppose, for example, that a woman’s stalker ex-boyfriend harasses her on Twitter, creating multiple accounts that bombard her with tweets calling her “ugly” and “stupid.” Under Texas’s law (and most likely under Florida’s more vaguely worded law), Twitter may not ban this stalker, or otherwise take action against his online harassment, unless it also takes identical action against someone who labels the same woman “beautiful” or “intelligent.” Only banning users who express negative opinions about this woman would amount to viewpoint discrimination.
|
|||
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="6D0JvU">
|
|||
|
Now consider how these provisions will operate in the political context. Facebook cannot ban someone who calls for a MAGA revolution that overthrows the United States government and installs the Trump family as an absolute hereditary monarchy, unless it also bans people who support the US Constitution. Twitter cannot delete tweets claiming someone can cure Covid-19 by <a href="https://www.vox.com/2020/4/24/21234427/trump-coronavirus-bleach-injection-ultraviolet-light-treatment">injecting themselves with bleach</a>, unless it also deletes tweets by doctors and <a href="https://www.vox.com/public-health">public health</a> officials warning people not to do this. YouTube cannot ban a literal Nazi who posts videos calling for the extermination of all Jewish people, unless it also bans people who express the opposite viewpoint — that is, the view that Jews should not be exterminated.
|
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</p>
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="Ytbhim">
|
|||
|
In case there is any doubt, the First Amendment does not allow the government to force media outlets to publish Nazis, quack medical theories, monarchal revolutionaries, stalkers, or anyone else, for that matter. To understand why, it’s helpful to understand four principles of First Amendment law.
|
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</p>
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="0n3Q0F">
|
|||
|
<strong>First</strong>, this amendment protects against both government censorship and government actions that attempt to force someone to speak against their will. As the Supreme Court said in <a href="https://caselaw.findlaw.com/court/us-supreme-court/547/47.html"><em>Rumsfeld v. Forum for Academic and Institutional Rights</em></a> (2006), “freedom of speech prohibits the government from telling people what they must say.”
|
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</p>
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="MQs5TH">
|
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|
<strong>Second</strong>, the First Amendment protects corporations. This idea became controversial after the Court’s decision in <a href="https://www.law.cornell.edu/supct/html/08-205.ZS.html"><em>Citizens United v. FEC</em></a> (2010) held that the First Amendment permits corporations to spend unlimited sums of money to influence elections, but it’s impossible to imagine free speech or a free press enduring unless the First Amendment extends to corporate speech. After all, media companies like Vox Media, the New York Times, and the Washington Post are all corporations.
|
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</p>
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="TgOGbs">
|
|||
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<strong>Third</strong>, the First Amendment protects the right of traditional media companies such as newspapers to choose what they want to print. As the Court held in <a href="https://caselaw.findlaw.com/us-supreme-court/418/241.html"><em>Miami Herald v. Tornillo</em></a> (1974), a news outlet’s “choice of material to go into a newspaper” is subject only to the paper’s “editorial control and judgment,” and “it has yet to be demonstrated how governmental regulation of this crucial process can be exercised consistent with First Amendment guarantees of a free press.”
|
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</p>
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="WvTiIO">
|
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|
<strong>Finally</strong>,<strong> </strong>the same rules apply to internet-based media as apply to traditional outlets. Though the Supreme Court acknowledged in <a href="https://supreme.justia.com/cases/federal/us/521/844/"><em>Reno v. ACLU</em></a> (1997) that online media is distinct from other mediums because it “can hardly be considered a ‘scarce’ expressive commodity” — that is, unlike a newspaper or magazine, there is no physical limit on how much content can be published on a website. Nevertheless, <em>Reno</em> concluded that “our cases provide no basis for qualifying the level of First Amendment scrutiny that should be applied to this medium.”
|
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</p>
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="o8iAAa">
|
|||
|
Together, these four principles establish that YouTube, and not the government, gets to decide what videos will appear on YouTube — just as CNN gets to decide which guests appear on its network, and which news stories it will emphasize, without government coercion.
|
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</p>
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="7Nd1kD">
|
|||
|
This conclusion, moreover, is bolstered by the Supreme Court’s decision last June in <a href="https://www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/22pdf/21-476_c185.pdf"><em>303 Creative v. Elenis</em></a>, which held that an <a href="https://www.vox.com/lgbtq">anti-LGBTQ</a> website designer could refuse to do business with same-sex couples — even if her state’s law forbids such discrimination — because “the government may not compel a person to speak its own preferred messages.”
|
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</p>
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="yIQoGO">
|
|||
|
If the Supreme Court were to hold that religious conservatives have a First Amendment right to defy anti-discrimination laws, at least in the context of online speech, but that Republican states can forbid major media outlets from “discriminating” against insurrectionists and anti-vaxxers — well, it’s hard to see how anyone could take this Court seriously as a nonpartisan institution after such a decision.
|
|||
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</p>
|
|||
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<h3 id="a2OPvX">
|
|||
|
Someone has to have the final word on what content appears online, and this authority must not be given to the government
|
|||
|
</h3>
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="JNi5KM">
|
|||
|
Having laid out these constitutional principles, it’s important to acknowledge that social media companies do not always make responsible decisions about what content should appear online. <a href="https://www.amnesty.org/en/latest/news/2022/09/myanmar-facebooks-systems-promoted-violence-against-rohingya-meta-owes-reparations-new-report/">Just ask the Rohingya people</a>.
|
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</p>
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="OMDrAl">
|
|||
|
But the fact that social media platforms sometimes make bad decisions does not mean that we should trust the government to override those decisions.
|
|||
|
</p>
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="zKTD6L">
|
|||
|
Ordinarily, we trust government officials to regulate business because they are more likely to act in the public’s interest than executives at a for-profit company. EPA regulators do not always reach the right conclusions, but they are more likely to strike the right balance between economic growth and environmental protection than the CEO of Exxon.
|
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</p>
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="9szkSp">
|
|||
|
But this dynamic is reversed in the free speech context — which is why the First Amendment exists in the first place. If Texas Republicans are allowed to regulate political speech, they will likely elevate speech that benefits Republicans and suppress speech that elevates Democrats.
|
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</p>
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="MsvAxU">
|
|||
|
Ultimately, someone needs to decide what content will appear online. And leaving these decisions to the free market means that they won’t be made by the most self-interested people in the world: elected officials who are more likely to hold onto their jobs if they can manipulate what information is seen by voters.
|
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</p>
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="C6VupM">
|
|||
|
Nor is it a solution to give this power to unelected officials. Federal judges, and especially Supreme Court justices, are political appointees who are typically vetted by the White House to ensure that they support the incumbent president’s political goals. Government agencies are also normally run by political appointees chosen, at least in part, because they are loyal Democrats or Republicans.
|
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</p>
|
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So there’s no government agency that can be trusted to regulate speech in a politically neutral way. The only choice is to either let the social media companies run their own platforms or to give that power to the government. And, in the <em>NetChoice</em> cases, giving that power to the government means placing control over what information voters will see in the hands of men like Ron DeSantis and Greg Abbott.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="D6KlIf">
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It is right to be uncomfortable with Mark Zuckerberg or, for God’s sake, Elon Musk wielding the kind of power they wield over public discourse. But few things are more dangerous to democracy than a government that can override editorial decisions made by a free press.
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</p>
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom" id="Zz25z0">
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More broadly, the <em>NetChoice </em>cases will show us which members of the Supreme Court’s six-justice Republican majority still believe in traditional Republican ideas about the free market and capitalism, and which of them agree with DeSantis that the power of the government should be used to reshape our culture — and that corporations that do not align with the rightward side of a culture war should be forced to do so against their will.
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</p></li>
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</ul>
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<h1 data-aos="fade-right" id="from-the-hindu-sports">From The Hindu: Sports</h1>
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<ul>
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<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Man United’s 2022-2023 squad the most expensive ever in Europe: UEFA report</strong> - The Premier League had nine teams in the top-20 earning clubs, with an average revenue of €323 million.</p></li>
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<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Daily Quiz | On traditional games</strong> - India has several traditional games and sports, most of which have been played for thousands of years. Here is a quiz on some of them</p></li>
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<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Champions League | Bayern Munich beaten 1-0 at Lazio to pile pressure on Tuchel</strong> - Lazio captain Ciro Immobile converted a penalty kick when Bayern was reduced to 10 men midway through the second half</p></li>
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<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Rahul Dravid to remain India’s head coach till T20 World Cup: Jay Shah</strong> - The BCCI secretary said he held an initial talk with Dravid before arriving at the decision to retain the former captain’s services till the T20 World Cup in June</p></li>
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<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Ind vs Eng 3rd Test | Rohit, Jadeja lead India’s robust recovery against England on Day 1</strong> - Rohit and Jadeja cashed in on a batting-friendly surface, which had provided early troubles to India’s youngsters in the first session.</p></li>
|
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</ul>
|
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<h1 data-aos="fade-right" id="from-the-hindu-national-news">From The Hindu: National News</h1>
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<ul>
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<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Banking on discontent within the ruling Congress, BJP fields a Rajya Sabha candidate from Himachal Pradesh</strong> - Despite its 40 MLAs in a 68-member House, Congress is facing internal anger for fielding ‘outsider’ Abhishek Singhvi, instead of State veteran Anand Sharma; “high chance of cross-voting”, says senior leader</p></li>
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<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Electoral bonds brought for transparency in poll funding, we respect Supreme Court verdict: BJP</strong> -</p></li>
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<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Watch | Supreme Court verdict on electoral bonds scheme</strong> -</p></li>
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<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>TSRTC-hire bus driver dies after suffering heart attack while driving</strong> -</p></li>
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<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Pre-KG, additional bilingual sections to be started in government schools in Karnataka from 2024-25 academic year to encourage English medium education from primary level</strong> - Government wants to encourage English medium education right from the primary level and to strengthen the learning ability of children in government schools</p></li>
|
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</ul>
|
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<h1 data-aos="fade-right" id="from-bbc-europe">From BBC: Europe</h1>
|
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<ul>
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<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Deadly attack on Russian shopping centre near border</strong> - At least five people are reported killed in an air attack on the city of Belgorod, close to Ukraine.</p></li>
|
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<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Ukraine battles frostbite and shell shortage in ruined town</strong> - After months of heavy fighting, Russian forces appear close to surrounding the ruins of Avdiivka.</p></li>
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<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Spain triple murder suspect held for prison killing</strong> - A man facing trial for the murder of three elderly siblings is suspected of killing his cellmate.</p></li>
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<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>French migration row engulfs island in Indian Ocean</strong> - The island of Mayotte becomes the latest battleground in France over the laws on immigration.</p></li>
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<li data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Putin expresses preference for Biden over Trump</strong> - It’s a change in tune for the Russian leader, who praised Mr Trump during his first presidential run.</p></li>
|
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</ul>
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<h1 data-aos="fade-right" id="from-ars-technica">From Ars Technica</h1>
|
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<ul>
|
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<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Can you sanitize the inside of your nose to prevent COVID? Nope, FDA says.</strong> - There are a lot of COVID nasal sprays for sale, but little data to show they work. - <a href="https://arstechnica.com/?p=2003503">link</a></p></li>
|
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<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Asahi Linux project’s OpenGL support on Apple Silicon officially surpasses Apple’s</strong> - Newest driver supports the latest versions of OpenGL and OpenGL ES. - <a href="https://arstechnica.com/?p=2003456">link</a></p></li>
|
|||
|
<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Deep Rock Galactic: Survivor is a fine entry point into the auto-shooting depths</strong> - This fleshed-out Early Access version could convert first-timers to the genre. - <a href="https://arstechnica.com/?p=2003379">link</a></p></li>
|
|||
|
<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Musk’s X sold checkmarks to Hezbollah and other terrorist groups, report says</strong> - X (aka Twitter) accused of violating sanctions by taking payment from terrorists. - <a href="https://arstechnica.com/?p=2003423">link</a></p></li>
|
|||
|
<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>USPTO says AI models can’t hold patents</strong> - Inventors must be human, but there’s still a condition where AI can officially help. - <a href="https://arstechnica.com/?p=2003310">link</a></p></li>
|
|||
|
</ul>
|
|||
|
<h1 data-aos="fade-right" id="from-jokes-subreddit">From Jokes Subreddit</h1>
|
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|
<ul>
|
|||
|
<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>An overweight guy is watching TV.</strong> - <!-- SC_OFF --></p>
|
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|
<div class="md">
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
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A commercial comes on for a program that guarantees weight loss of 10 pounds in a week, so the guy signs up for it. The next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads “If you catch me, you can have me.”
|
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</p>
|
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|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
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As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds.
|
|||
|
</p>
|
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|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
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|
After this, he tries the next weight loss plan - 15 pounds in a week. The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which, he weighs 15 pounds less. Excited about this success, he decides to do the 20 pounds master program.
|
|||
|
</p>
|
|||
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
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Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of the plan. Still, he signs up. The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says, “If I catch you, you’re mine!”
|
|||
|
</p>
|
|||
|
</div>
|
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|
<!-- SC_ON -->
|
|||
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"> submitted by <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/JustOurKind"> /u/JustOurKind </a> <br/> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1ar43jo/an_overweight_guy_is_watching_tv/">[link]</a></span> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1ar43jo/an_overweight_guy_is_watching_tv/">[comments]</a></span></p></li>
|
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|
<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Boss: “How good are you at PowerPoint?” - Me: “I Excel at it.” - Boss: “Was that a Microsoft Office pun?”</strong> - <!-- SC_OFF --></p>
|
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|
<div class="md">
|
|||
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
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|
Me: “Word”
|
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|
</p>
|
|||
|
</div>
|
|||
|
<!-- SC_ON -->
|
|||
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"> submitted by <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Town-Hoarse278"> /u/Town-Hoarse278 </a> <br/> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1arb9lk/boss_how_good_are_you_at_powerpoint_me_i_excel_at/">[link]</a></span> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1arb9lk/boss_how_good_are_you_at_powerpoint_me_i_excel_at/">[comments]</a></span></p></li>
|
|||
|
<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>I had never tried drugs before.</strong> - <!-- SC_OFF --></p>
|
|||
|
<div class="md">
|
|||
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
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|
But now I’m up to speed.
|
|||
|
</p>
|
|||
|
</div>
|
|||
|
<!-- SC_ON -->
|
|||
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"> submitted by <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/KairuSmairukon"> /u/KairuSmairukon </a> <br/> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1ar69ms/i_had_never_tried_drugs_before/">[link]</a></span> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1ar69ms/i_had_never_tried_drugs_before/">[comments]</a></span></p></li>
|
|||
|
<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>Clive went to see his doctor for a routine check up. (Long)</strong> - <!-- SC_OFF --></p>
|
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|
<div class="md">
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
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Upon inspecting Clive, the doctor seemed perplexed and insisted on carrying out some tests. Following the initial tests, again the doctor has a furrowed brow and a look of concern on his face.
|
|||
|
</p>
|
|||
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
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|
“What’s the issue doctor? Is there something wrong?” asked Clive.<br/> The doctor claimed he had a sinking suspicion but wanted to perform a few more tests.
|
|||
|
</p>
|
|||
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
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|
Eventually the results came back and the doctor sat Clive down for a serious chat.<br/> “I’m going to be honest with you Clive, it’s not good news I’m afraid. It seems you have a very rare disease known in the medical field as ‘Yellow 84’. Only 84 people have ever been known to have the disease and every single one of them turned yellow just before they died. I regret to inform you that you don’t have long left so it would be a wise decision to start making preparations”
|
|||
|
</p>
|
|||
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
|||
|
Clive walked out of the doctors office, determined not to let this information bog him down and for his illness to ruin his life, he purchases a scratch card as after all he doesn’t have much to lose. To his surprise, he wins £10,000. He then buys a lottery ticket for that night and leaves.
|
|||
|
</p>
|
|||
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
|||
|
He runs home to give his wife the good and bad news, that they have just won a pot of money however their time together is now limited. They agree that life really is too short and decide to make the most of the short time they have left. Whilst planning on how they will spend their time, the lottery numbers are announced and Clive has won the Jackpot of £5 million.
|
|||
|
</p>
|
|||
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
|||
|
With their new wealth, Clive and his wife plan holidays and cruise trips to all of the places they’d discussed but never managed to see. They spend a couple of months travelling, taking in the wonders of the world and enjoying their time together. Clive also buys his wife a new car, pays off the mortgage and makes sure that his wife will have everything she will need in life following his imminent passing.
|
|||
|
</p>
|
|||
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
|||
|
After their long trips and they have returned back to normal life, they decide to head to the bingo one night. Whilst there, Clive manages to win the first line, the second line, and a full house. In fact, he ended up winning every prize on off that night.
|
|||
|
</p>
|
|||
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
|||
|
He ventures up to the window to collect his winnings and the prize master looks at him and says “I know you! You’re becoming pretty famous! First off you win £10k on a scratch card, that same day you win a further £5m on the lottery and you’ve just won every prize in this bingo hall tonight. You must be the luckiest man alive!”
|
|||
|
</p>
|
|||
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
|||
|
At this, Clive narrows his brow and yells “LUCKY?! You think I’m lucky?! I’ll have you know, I have Yellow 84!”. The end of his shouting echoing.
|
|||
|
</p>
|
|||
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
|||
|
The Prize Master lowers his head for a second and snaps it back up in an instant, his eyes wide and says
|
|||
|
</p>
|
|||
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
|||
|
“did you say you have Yellow 84? Congratulations! You’ve won the raffle as well”
|
|||
|
</p>
|
|||
|
</div>
|
|||
|
<!-- SC_ON -->
|
|||
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"> submitted by <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Papa_Wolf5"> /u/Papa_Wolf5 </a> <br/> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1arbbo9/clive_went_to_see_his_doctor_for_a_routine_check/">[link]</a></span> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1arbbo9/clive_went_to_see_his_doctor_for_a_routine_check/">[comments]</a></span></p></li>
|
|||
|
<li><p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"><strong>My deaf girlfriend just told me “I think we need to talk.”</strong> - <!-- SC_OFF --></p>
|
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<div class="md">
|
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<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom">
|
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|
That’s not a good sign.
|
|||
|
</p>
|
|||
|
</div>
|
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|
<!-- SC_ON -->
|
|||
|
<p data-aos="fade-left" data-aos-anchor-placement="bottom-bottom"> submitted by <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Candidate-Amusing757"> /u/Candidate-Amusing757 </a> <br/> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1aqw425/my_deaf_girlfriend_just_told_me_i_think_we_need/">[link]</a></span> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1aqw425/my_deaf_girlfriend_just_told_me_i_think_we_need/">[comments]</a></span></p></li>
|
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</ul>
|
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